Gross anomalies of British legal system

Charles Dickens was right to characterise British law as "an ass". At a time when Prime Minister Gordon Brown is attempting to amend the law to prevent alleged Israeli war criminals from appearing before British courts and when the attorney-general is blocking publication of his predecessor's advice on whether human rights law applied to British troops in Iraq, a respectable 66-year-old grandmother has been placed under house arrest and electronically tagged … for selling goldfish.

Pet shop owner Joan Higgins fell foul of a Trading Standards sting when she unwittingly sold a goldfish to a 14-year-old. Before she was hauled off to court for this dreadful crime she anticipated nothing more than a telling-off. Instead she was treated like a violent repeat offender. She was placed under a seven-week curfew, made to wear an ankle tag and fined £1,000 (Dh5,582). She now has a criminal record. But worst of all, she will miss out on the Bingo hall and a Rod Stewart concert. What happened to those halcyon days when excited kids returned home from the fairground clutching a goldfish in a bowl?

You're forgiven for believing this is a fishy tale but it's true. Must admit I had my suspicions especially as the story broke on April 1, but I called the Daily Mail's News Desk and was assured that it wasn't an April Fools' hoax. No one loves creatures great and small more than yours truly, but this is a croc! I'm reminded of the day, many years ago, when the Department of Inland Revenue knocked on the door of my late Welsh grandmother who was then 83. She was accused of failing to pay tax on fees received for playing the accordion in an elderly care home!

According to the Daily Mail "record numbers of pensioners are being criminalised for trivial offences by target-driven police" for crimes ranging from overfilling a wheelie bin to chopping a hedge without permission, reprimanding youths who were throwing stones at ducks and presenting a hazard to pedestrians by rollerblading through town.

It's ironic when the British newspapers are slamming Dubai for sentencing kissing Brits to a month in jail, 49-year-old Caroline Cartwright has just received an eight-week suspended sentence for noisy marital relations, eliciting complaints from sensitive neighbours. After a night in a cell, she was barred from her own house and forced to sleep in a hostel. She says she's spent so long in the hostel that she's got used to sleeping alone. In a country where the institution of marriage is fast becoming a thing of the past, one would think conservative old fogies like judges would be keen to preserve it.

On a more serious note, at least three British men were jailed for defending their homes and families. Millionaire businessman Mounir Hussain was sentenced to 30 months in prison for beating a burglar who tied him up and threatened his family at knifepoint, while the burglar, who had 30 prior convictions, got off with a two-year supervision order. The judge explained that custodial sentence was necessary to preserve "civilised society". If armed villains were to break into his, no doubt, desirable residence we must presume he would offer them tea and biscuits. Happily, in January, Hussain's sentence was suspended by the Court of Appeal. But his brother, who also set about the thugs, is still in prison serving a two-year sentence.

Even more disturbing is the case of Tony Martin, a farmer who lived in an isolated Norfolk farmhouse. Martin complained to the police on several occasions that he had been burgled, but to no avail. Fed up with police inaction, the next time thieves came-a-calling, he shot in the dark, killing one and wounding another.

For that, the 55-year-old was handed a life sentence, which polarised the nation. In the end, he served five years, but was unrepentant. "They made me the sacrificial lamb," he said. "But somewhere down the road it got everyone thinking: ‘Hold on, what if it was my home that was being overrun with those vermin'." There's a twist to this story. The surviving burglar, Brendon Fearon — who had 30 previous criminal convictions — won the right in court to sue Martin for damages and received legal aid, courtesy of the taxpayer, to do so.

You get the picture. There is something fundamentally wrong with a legal system that goes after people who commit misdemeanours with a vengeance and is tilted against the victim while supporting the wrongdoer.

No wonder we so often hear the tag "Broken Britain"! Instead of hunting down grannies and hugging hooligans, the authorities should crack down on drug dealers, human traffickers, child abusers and knife-wielding gangs that terrorise the elderly on housing estates to the extent that many are afraid to leave their homes.

"The good need fear no law; it is his safety and the bad man's awe," wrote the Elizabethan playwright Ben Johnson. On behalf of the goldfish granny, I have only one thing to say to the esteemed gentleman's ghost: "My good man, you're talking codswallop".

Linda S. Heard is a specialist writer on Middle East affairs. She can be contacted at lheard@gulfnews.com Some of the comments may be considered for publication.