Kim Kardashian: I rushed into something too soon

When Kim Kardashian filed for divorce last Monday, the reaction was not so much surprise as dismay that the institution of marriage could have been cheapened to such a degree. In the hours following her filing for divorce, the internet was swamped with cynical remarks about how she had made a fortune out of her televised August wedding, and taken everyone along for a ride.

The following day, Kardashian responded and, though the backlash continues, her explanation for both the start and the speedy end of her marriage may ring true for many women.

"I want a family and babies and a real life so badly that maybe I rushed into something too soon," Kardashian said. "It just didn't turn out to be the fairytale I had so badly hoped for."

If we were to hazard a guess, it would appear the self-confessed "hopeless romantic" reality star had a copy of both Disney's Cinderella and Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr Good Enough on her bedside table. The fairytale was created thanks to sponsorship and E! Entertainment; perhaps Kris Humphries was the man in the right place at the right time.

The clock ticks away

In Marry Him, author Lori Gottlieb advocates heeding that ticking biological clock; rather than holding out for Mr Perfect, women should take whatever's available, because, as she wrote in the Atlantic Review column that sparked a furore, "Settle! That's right. Don't worry about passion or intense connection … overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go … settling will probably make you happier in the long run, since many of those who marry with great expectations become more disillusioned with each passing year."

Did Kardashian — who has already been married, and has spoken repeatedly about her desire to start a family — succumb to the same social pressure to marry that her non-celebrity sisters experience? And should the subsequent failure of her marriage-for-the-sake-of-marriage send out warning signals?

Neiroz Khalil, Syrian, is a Dubai-based PR professional. "I come from a conservative Arab background and have not been in a relationship with anyone. When I see the marriages of stars such as Kim fail, I tell myself that I am very happy I am still single," she says. "I continue to face extreme pressure from friends and family and sometimes feel like I would explode if I did not get married soon."

Khalil, now 37, says her moments of stress have come and gone. "I am now at an age where looks do not matter," she says. "It is more about compatibility. I will get married to a man who will accept me the way I am and the same rule applies for me."

"The problem with celebrity marriages is that they are just not realistic," says Andrea Tosatto, clinical psychologist, Synergy Integrated Medical Centre in Dubai. "Celebrities such as Kardashian are not just the victims of social pressure to start a family but also have a financially ‘secure' future. The situation becomes explosive, more so because of their being in the spotlight. In reality, successful marriages have many more facets than just staying married over a long period of time."

But, Tosatto says, the secret ingredients of a marriage are the same, be it a celebrity or a common man. "What is different is that unlike the common man, celebs have less fear of being left alone. So if Tom Cruise did not get along with Nicole Kidman, there was Penelope Cruz and if not her then Katie Holmes. But this is not the case with the common man. Moreover, their ego keeps getting boosted by yes-men surrounding them. These things make one less tolerant. If something isn't working out, celebs such as Jennifer Aniston tells herself that she deserves something better. The ego doesn't allow her to learn to adjust or compromise."

The onslaught of media and marketing of romantic novels, movies and unrealistic TV shows just builds the pressure," says Rini Sharma, a Dubai-based event manager. "Celebrity marriages like that of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, and Prince William with Kate make the ‘just married' status look prettier."

From the age of 6, Rini Sharma, now 40, had her head full of images of her marriage. Cinderella and Prince Charming's ‘happily married' fairytale only strengthened the image and she thought happiness was just another word if it wasn't with that one perfect man.

She spent 26 years seriously committed to her career and parents and with each passing birthday, the level of guilt built up because of extreme pressure on her to get married. As Sharma's biological clock ticked away, she started coming up with more convincing excuses to answer the unavoidable "When are you getting married?" question. Today, though she hasn't found her ‘Mister Right' yet, she has stopped waiting. She is single and happy.

- Ritu Raizada is a UAE-based freelance writer