11 burning questions about the endlessly chaotic Netflix romance in 'My Life With The Walter Boys'

Dubai: There are slow-burn romances. There are will-they-won’t-they romances. And then there is My Life with the Walter Boys, a Netflix show seemingly determined to ask: How many times can Jackie Howard and Cole Walter get within touching distance of happiness before spectacularly setting fire to it themselves?

These two don’t need villains, meddling relatives or romantic rivals. They are perfectly capable of ruining their own lives, thank you very much.

Yes, Jackie and Cole have chemistry. Unfortunately, they also appear to be spectacularly detrimental to each other’s peace of mind. Put them together and every insecurity, bad decision and self-destructive instinct comes galloping out. They don’t bring out the best in each other; they bring out the emotional equivalent of a five-alarm fire.

At this point, their biggest obstacle isn’t Alex. It isn’t New York. It isn’t Colorado. It isn’t timing, circumstance or the universe conspiring against true love.

It’s Jackie and Cole.

And frankly, the universe must be exhausted from taking the blame

The latest season brings us straight back into the emotional obstacle course surrounding Jackie, Cole and the rest of the Walter clan. I remain mildly entertained and hardly invested. But I also have questions.

So many questions.

Here are 11 things I simply don't understand about My Life with the Walter Boys.

1. Why can't Jackie and Cole just stay together?

Seriously. Why? They get together. Something happens. They pull apart. They stare at each other. Somebody makes a questionable decision. They find their way back to each other. Repeat.

At this stage, I am beginning to wonder whether the writers borrowed the Meredith Grey and Derek "McDreamy" Shepherd handbook from Grey's Anatomy: never allow an attractive couple to experience happiness for longer than medically necessary.

Jackie and Cole have chemistry. We get it. That's why we care. But surely the next stage of a romance is actually having a relationship? Let them date. Let them fight about dirty socks. Anything. Just stop resetting the romance every time they finally get somewhere.

2. Did someone issue a restraining order against happiness?

Nobody in this series is allowed to be content without a dark twist.

Every time Jackie looks happy, I immediately become suspicious. Every time Cole smiles, I assume disaster is approximately seven minutes away.

Perhaps the greatest plot twist the show could give us now would be Jackie and Cole having an entirely pleasant afternoon.

3. Why do Alex and Kiley sometimes have more chemistry than everybody else?

Can we discuss Alex Walter (Ashby Gentry) and his best friend Kiley (Mya Lowe)? Because while everybody else is working overtime at yearning, Alex and Kiley simply have to occupy the same room and suddenly there’s chemistry. Easy, unforced, natural chemistry ; a precious commodity in a show where romance often feels like an endurance sport.

And speaking of endurance sports, can we discuss Alex’s slightly ludicrous transformation into a rodeo rider? Apparently being sweet, coltish, and slightly awkward wasn’t enough. Now he has to saddle up, acquire cowboy swagger and stare handsomely into the middle distance, presumably to announce: Look, Jackie, I’m rugged now!

While the cowboy makeover is hard to digest, his scenes with Lowe’s Kiley have more effortless chemistry than many of the show’s heavily engineered romantic encounters. She’s right there, requiring no rodeo theatrics, tortured love triangle or emotional obstacle course to make the connection believable.

Perhaps everyone is so busy asking whether Jackie belongs with Cole or Alex that they’ve missed the more interesting possibility with these two young guns.

4. Why is Uncle Richard so personally offended by Colorado?

Uncle Richard's conviction (Alex Quijano) that Jackie can surely do better than these country bumpkins is unintentionally hilarious. You would think Jackie had been deposited in a field without electricity rather than surrounded by a gigantic, loving family and several good-looking young men.

We understand NYC-bred maternal uncle's concern. Jackie has been through enormous loss and he wants what he believes is best for her. But his attitude towards her Colorado life can occasionally feel like a New Yorker discovering that civilisation exists beyond Manhattan. Richard, they have schools there. And Wi-Fi. It's going to be OK.

5. And why does New York keep arriving to remind Jackie that she is from New York?

We know. Jackie is sophisticated. Jackie is ambitious. Jackie had another life. Jackie comes from New York City. The series sometimes treats "New York" less like a geographical location and more like Jackie's ex-boyfriend who keeps turning up asking whether she is really happy with Colorado. And naturally, there is always someone from that former life around to remind her that perhaps she belongs somewhere bigger, shinier and considerably less muddy.

6. How many Walter boys does one household require?

This isn't a family home. It's a casting director's eclectic fever dream. Every corridor seems to produce another Walter boy: the brooding one, the sweet one, the sporty one, the quirky one, the sensitive one. Interestingly, each one is equipped with decent hair, a personality type and, naturally, an emotional subplot. At some point, you stop asking, “Which Walter is this?” and simply accept that the household has an apparently renewable supply of teenage drama.

7. Why does everybody communicate primarily through meaningful staring?

Jackie looks at Cole. Cole looks at Jackie. Alex looks wounded. Kiley looks like she knows exactly how this nonsense is going to end. Someone swallows hard. Someone looks away. Someone dramatically leaves the room. Has anybody actually said anything useful? God, no.

In My Life with the Walter Boys, meaningful staring isn’t a dramatic device; it’s practically the primary language. These people can communicate heartbreak, jealousy, lust, betrayal and several unresolved childhood issues with a single tortured glance; yet apparently nobody can manage: “Can we talk?”

If the residents of Silver Falls communicated half as efficiently as they stared at each other, an entire season could be wrapped up before lunch.

But then what would we do with the remaining seven episodes? Perhaps watch Alex practise rodeo.

8. Why is Jackie apparently irresistible to every postcode?

Colorado wants Jackie. New York wants Jackie. The Walters want Jackie.

Her old life beckons. Her new life beckons. Handsome young men materialise with alarming regularity. Jackie herself is bright, ambitious and immensely likeable, but the show's universe occasionally seems to operate according to one fundamental law: wherever Jackie goes, romantic complications must follow.

9. Why is Uncle Richard suddenly the relationship adjudicator?

Cole is the classic wounded romantic hero: handsome, complicated and permanently wearing the expression of a man who has just remembered something devastating while staring into the middle distance.

And yes, it works. Until it doesn't.

Because the grand romantic plot twist is that Cole gives Jackie up after Uncle Richard tells him she deserves better. Excuse me? Since when does Jackie’s uncle get veto power over her love life? Did we accidentally wander into an arranged-marriage drama where the family elders must approve the prospective groom?

Richard essentially tells Cole, “You’re not good enough for her,” and instead of replying, “Perhaps Jackie can decide that for herself,” our wounded cowboy hero appears to think: Excellent point, sir. I shall now remove myself from the relationship.

Nothing says epic young love quite like outsourcing your romantic decisions to your girlfriend’s disapproving uncle.

Cole, we believe you love Jackie. Jackie believes you love Jackie. Perhaps the next radical step is allowing Jackie to decide what Jackie deserves.

10: Why does another Walter relative suddenly need to enter the chat?

Just when you think this family has exhausted its apparently renewable supply of relatives, along comes Cole’s aunt — because apparently Jackie and Cole weren’t doing a sufficiently good job of complicating their own lives.

Her arrival has the unmistakable whiff of “we need another obstacle, quick, find a relative.” And that’s increasingly the problem with My Life with the Walter Boys. Instead of allowing existing relationships to develop, the series keeps throwing fresh people and problems into their path, as though emotional stability might cause the entire show to spontaneously combust.

At this rate, I fully expect a long-lost Walter cousin to ride into town on Alex’s rodeo horse next season.

10. Why am I still completely invested?

This is perhaps the most irritating question of all.

Because despite the romantic merry-go-round, the misunderstandings, the New York-versus-Colorado debate and my increasingly urgent desire to lock Jackie and Cole in a room until they communicate properly, My Life with the Walter Boys remains ridiculously watchable.

It's glossy escapism populated by beautiful people making emotionally questionable decisions in beautiful surroundings. You complain about Jackie and Cole. You threaten to give up on Jackie and Cole. And then they look at each other in that way and suddenly you're back.

Perhaps that's the show's real trick.

It isn't that we don't know Jackie and Cole will keep finding their way towards each other.

It's that we know perfectly well the writers will find another way to pull them apart — and we'll probably come back to complain about it all over again.