Chasing happiness? 5 ways to find it based on 85-year-old study

When I was younger (so much younger than today, I'm 54), I spent years chasing happiness in all the wrong places.

I went from one fleeting thrill to the next. The more I pursued it, the further it seemed to slip away. This left me feeling hollow—until it spiralled into a deep, suffocating depression.

Feeling empty, I sometimes convinced myself I was living the life of a “zombie” deep inside me. Chasing shiny distractions, mistaking them for joy, led me to a labyrinth of false promises.

Then this line kept ringing in my ears: “What shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?”

This realisation disturbed me to no end. It turned out all those years, I was searching for fulfillment where it couldn’t be found.

Long-term study on happiness

Then I came across the world's longest study on happiness. The findings blew my head off.

Here's what the Harvard Study of Adult Development revealed – and the five habits that could help anyone make key life decisions: 

Here are five habits that could turn one's life—and relationships—around:

#1. Altruism

Those who focus on others' well-being over their own experience more joy.

Simple acts of kindness, like sending gifts, appreciating someone’s work, sharing good vibes, giving caring words to someone, or checking in without expecting anything in return, create a cycle of happiness.

One participant, suffering from chronic pain, reported that when he was with his loved ones, the pain softened.

Children experience this all the time: a mother's caring, healing touch—a gentle stroke of the hair or a soft hand on the back—does more than just provide physical comfort. Studies show that a caregiver's touch can release "oxytocin", a hormone linked to bonding and stress relief, which helps reduce pain and anxiety for the injured child.

The warmth of her hand on the wound or the tenderness in her embrace signals safety, love, and protection. Just priceless.

#2. Anticipation

People who embraced life’s inevitable ups and downs were happier. Anticipating challenges and preparing for them gave them a sense of control.

Remember Albert Camus' words: “We need the sweet pain of anticipation to tell us we are really alive.”

Anticipation is powerful, as captured by the first two lines of Carly Simon’s song: “We can never know about the days to come. But we think about them anyway.”

A key study by Loewenstein in 1987 published in The Quarterly Journal of Economics has been widely referred to bankers, economists and psychologists. This study suggests that people derive substantial enjoyment simply from looking forward to future positive experiences—sometimes even more than the actual event.

Behavioural economists refer to the anticipation of future consumption (AFC) hypothesis, based on the insight that future consumption impacts immediate wellbeing, which they call “instantaneous utility”.

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Behavioural economists refer to the anticipation of future consumption (AFC) hypothesis, based on the insight that future consumption impacts immediate wellbeing, which they call “instantaneous utility”.

Countless studies have documented that when people are optimistic about the future, it affects their motivation to perform tasks, make plans, take risks etc. When we anticipate something pleasurable, the brain releases dopamine, creating a "feel-good" sensation.

#3. Sublimation

This is often misunderstood as a "self-suppression". Not at all. It merely advocates channelling one’s negative emotions, urges or addictions (infinite scrolling on one's smartphone) into productive activities—sports, art, breathing exercises, intellectual pursuits.

Transforming stress into something creative gives you an outlet to thrive, instead of just survive. In psychotherapy, sublimation is considered a “defence mechanism”, the process of transforming socially unacceptable impulses or urges into socially acceptable actions, such as the arts, sports, or intellectual pursuits.

This personal strategy is crucial for emotional well-being. Why? It allows individuals to channel their potentially harmful urges into productive outlets. Still, it is often misunderstood because some view it as mere “repression”. But sublimation is different—it redirects, rather than suppresses. And it works.

Key benefit: those who successfully sublimated their aggressive or sexual impulses into creative or socially-valued activities reported higher levels of psychological well-being—and lower levels of distress.

The Harvard study is reinforced by another published by Baumeister et al. (2007) in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, which shows that sublimation serves as a positive, “adaptive strategy”. It turns out managing internal conflicts and urges is possible and remarkably beneficial.

#4. Humour

The Harvard study highlighted humour as a major predictor of health. Those who could laugh at life’s hardships fared much better in the long run.

A 2022 study, published in Psychological Science, reinforces this, among numerous studies on the subject. It found that individuals with a strong sense of humour had lower rates of cardiovascular disease.

It found that laughter triggers the release of endorphins, which act as natural painkillers and promote heart health. Regular bouts of laughter were linked to better blood circulation and reduced inflammation.

Laughter, too, is a proven immune system booster. The American Journal of Medical Sciences published researchh shhowinng how laughter ramps up the production of immune cells and antibodies, enhancing resistance to disease. This immune boost was linked to humour's ability to lower stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline, both of which weaken immunity over time.

#5. Suppression

We're all prone to making knee-jerk reactions. Pausing before reacting to stress—learning to delay, distract, and distance yourself—proved to be a powerful coping mechanism, according ti the Harvard team.

This has a practical application: Suppressing the immediate urge to react improves emotional regulation, and reduces negative outcomes.

A study published in The Journal of Neuroscience also found that suppression of immediate reactions allows the brain’s “executive functions” to engage–helping you process emotions more rationally. By delaying reactions, you can prevent impulsive behaviours and make more measured, constructive decisions.

Also, the journal Emotion published a study on how individuals who practised suppression as a coping mechanism showed better social outcomes, and fewer relationship conflicts. By controlling emotional responses, individuals were able to navigate stressful situations without escalating tensions or damaging social ties. It gives you the upper hand in stressful situations.

Other insights

The Harvard study also found that the following are beneficial to one's overall state of well-being, and contribute to long-term happiness:

Contrary to what we often believe, wealth and status were not key to happiness. A final thought, quoting Mark Twain: “There isn't time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that.”

The best time to invest in relationships (or to plant a tree) was 20 years ago.

The second best time? Today.