How to encourage kids to speak in their mother tongue
Self-confidence issues may be keeping a child from embracing their roots
Why do some children prattle on in more than one language, effortlessly flitting from one to the other, while others tend to stick with just one? Is it something to do with ability or just a choice of identity?
For some, it’s about a connection to one’s roots. Paola Surdo, Italian expat based in Dubai, says she only speaks to her children in Italian at home. “This is for two reasons; one, while I understand English well, I don’t speak it that well. And two, I want my kids to know Italian - it’s their language and they should know it. They read books and watch movies in the language – it’s funny to watch them translate; the sentence structures are so different, we understand them but we also giggle.”
They read books and watch movies in the language – it’s funny to watch them translate; the sentence structures are so different, we understand them but we also giggle.
This connection, rooted in spoken word, may help improve familial ties and sense of cultural identity, says Bene Katabua, Educational Psychologist at Intercare Health Center in Abu Dhabi.
And at the same time, the benefits go deeper. When a child is practising speaking in more than one language, that ability to go from one syntax structure to the next, from one meaning of a word to another, it exercises the mind’s muscles, sparking new neural connections and strengthening older ones. According to a study published in the peer-reviewed journal ‘Developmental Science’, “Bilingualism-related difference in brain activity [greater activity in areas associated with executive function such as problem-solving and shifting attention] is evident as early as 11 months of age.”
Soha, who requested that only her first name be used, tells Gulf News that she made a concerted effort to teach her three children – ages 11, 10 and 5 – their mother tongue, Arabic. The Lebanese national, who spent a few years in the US before moving base to the UAE, explains that while it’s tough to teach a child about their native language while the usual mode of communication – at school, with friends or with nannies - is another, it’s do-able with a little support. “What helped me is I used to have my parents over, visiting, and they helped me teach Arabic in the house,” she explains. “We also visited my home country a lot – at least twice a year –and there, being around the family helped a lot.”
Benefits of speaking more than one language
The exposure to different materials also helps a child broaden their horizons. Other pros of encouraging a multi-lingual approach to communication are:
Bumped up creativity: “Bilingual children tend to be more creative, better at multitasking, show greater flexibility and tend to have better working memory,” says Bene Katabua, Educational Psychologist at Intercare Health Center in Abu Dhabi.
Reading skills: “Depending on how similar the languages are, bilingual children tend to have a greater vocabulary and better reading skills,” she adds.
More opportunities: “Being fluent in multiple languages increases the diversity of learning and working opportunities,” says Katabua.
Better brain health: “Bilingualism helps delay the effects of neurocognitive disorders such as Alzheimer’s,” she adds.
Is it confusing to a child to be in a multi-lingual home?
A child’s brain is like molten steel, still making connections, sifting neurons and settling into a comfortable shape – the more the information exposure, the greater the building of grey matter. And the easier to retain new language skills. “Bilingualism does not typically make learning harder. In fact - it does the opposite. Whether the child learns two languages at the same time, or one after the other - having fluency in multiple languages have shown to correlate with increased academic achievement. This is most evident if the languages spoken are similar and if the child has high exposure to the languages,” explains Katabua.
Bilingualism does not typically make learning harder. In fact - it does the opposite.
However, “In some cases, where there is delayed speech, or other neurodevelopmental concerns - bilingualism may impede learning. In such cases, it is always best to consult with a doctor or speech therapist for your particular child's needs,” she says.
So, my child will talk in English but not her mother tongue. What’s going on?
Kirstan P. Lloyd, Clinical Psychologist at UAE-based Reverse Psychology, explains that the reticence may be for a number of reasons.
Confidence issues: “The first step is to consider the child's developmental age and stage,” she says. “For instance, younger children may not feel they have fully mastered their mother tongue, which means they lack the confidence to speak in their mother tongue as they may fear mistakes or embarrassment. For teenagers, their choice of language may be linked to broader social factors such as their choice in identity or wanting to feel that they belong to a particular group or culture.”
Peer pressure: Keep an eye on your child’s friends – it’s a good indicator of whether it’s a desire to fit in that’s resulting in the cold shoulder.
The first step is to consider the child's developmental age and stage. For instance, younger children may not feel they have fully mastered their mother tongue, which means they lack the confidence to speak in their mother tongue as they may fear mistakes or embarrassment.
Emotional indicator: “A child's language is sometimes also intricately linked to their psychosocial and emotional well-being, where a child may be resistant to speaking in a certain language (or, in some cases, speaking in general) due to underlying difficulties. For example, sometimes a child may act out angry or aggressive feelings by refusing to speak. For other children, their lack of speech is a symptom of poor self-esteem or heightened levels of anxiety,” she explains.
Overwhelmed: Another factor is the complexity of being bilingual at a young age. In my experience, some children who grow up in a bilingual home or environment, may take relatively longer to master language. However, these lags are often short lived and they catch up with the peers.
Mandeep Jassal, Behavioural Therapist at UAE-based Priory Wellbeing Centre, adds that some skill sets come harder to some people. “As with most humans, we are good at some things and may find other activities more difficult. Some people are great with languages with regards to speaking and listening, but for others this may not be an area of strength. It is important to ensure children are meeting their milestones academically and if parents or teachers are concerned that, for example, they are struggling with literacy and/or speech problems, then this should be explored further with a professional,” she says,
As with most humans, we are good at some things and may find other activities more difficult. Some people are great with languages with regards to speaking and listening, but for others this may not be an area of strength.
How can I help my child get more comfortable with our native tongue?
P. Lloyd offers the following tips:
Reassure them: If your child is anxious or lacks confidence, you can provide reassurance, say things like: ‘I know this can feel tricky sometimes, but I am proud of you for trying.’
Allow expression: Invite teenagers to open up and share their experiences in an environment which is safe, validating and non-judgmental. I often encourage parents to engage in ‘active listening’, where they pay attention to what their teenager is saying, not interrupt, and take the time to try to truly understand what the teenager is discussing. In this manner, the teenager can hopefully feel safe enough try to verbalise their thoughts and feelings, thereby garnering their parents' support.
Indeed, while a teenager's reticence to speak their mother tongue may be age appropriate in many ways, it may also be linked to other factors such as low self-esteem (for instance, some languages are seen as ‘better’ than others) or wanting to fit in at the expense of being true to who they are.
Say it once, then say it again: For children in bilingual homes, it is sometimes helpful for parents to say phrases twice: once in their mother tongue and once in English. This way, the child can hear both simultaneously, which can help reinforce their home language for them. Repetition is also key to helping children to master a new skill. Sometimes, when parents appear to place less pressure on the child speaking their mother tongue and allow a natural rhythm to the child's speech, they will be more likely to spontaneously speak their mother tongue.
Stay cool: Sometimes it can also be useful for adults to speak their mother tongue and allow children to speak in English. This way, children still have the exposure to their mother tongue, but also don't feel the pressure to speak it, which can sometimes be overwhelming or off-putting.
Katabua adds the following tips:
Normalise mistakes at home. When your child makes errors in the new language, it helps to normalise it and make sure that corrections aren't delivered with shame or guilt. Stuttering, mixing languages, using poor sentence structure, etc. are all normal with language acquisition. Being able to bounce back from these mistakes can go a long way in increasing the use of the language.
Set a schedule to use the language. There could be ways to increase the frequency of the language by structuring it in your routine, for e.g., one night a week everyone in the house has to only speak that language. They should have access to translations, etc. but are encouraged to mainly communicate in that language. Rather than this being a rigid or inflexible rule, it should be comfortable and enjoyable for the family.
Provide opportunities for exposure to the language. Depending on the age of the child, you can have story books, music, cartoons, play dates, etc. in the minority language.
Encourage dialogue in the language. Avoid asking questions that require one-word responses, use ‘why’ questions to promote elaboration.
No labels. Be sure not to associate one language with being ‘good’ and the other language as ‘bad’.
Sneak it into the conversation. Find ways to merge the language with your child's interests. You can engage in your child's hobby with them in the minority language from time to time.
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