Who is a strong person? How to cultivate mental strength and resilience
A strong person isn’t afraid to be vulnerable.
Who is a strong person? Well, that’s a rather loaded question.
At first glance, there are varying perceptions of it. For Shrishti Bhavsar, a Dubai-based Indian expat, strength means what her mother taught her in childhood: Never let anyone treat you with disrespect. Assert yourself. Fight back. In Giulia Andreani’s case, a Dubai-based Italian freelancer, strength means the ability to keep yourself grounded and not allow the world to overwhelm you. “There’s no point dissolving into tears when the going gets tough,” she says.
A strong person doesn’t play the victim card, as Denis Murphy, a Dubai-based life coach and self-help author explains. “A strong person is both physically and mentally healthy. They have gotten to the point where they no longer feel like a victim in life. They can tap into their traits and feel confident. At the same time, they’re able to be feel physically capable of helping others in distress, while empowering them to become an empathetic leader of their own life,” he says.
A strong person is both physically and mentally healthy. They have gotten to the point where they no longer feel like a victim in life. They can tap into their traits and feel confident. At the same time, they’re able to be feel physically capable of helping others in distress...
‘The idea of strength is misunderstood often’
Quite often, people equate strength with being able to withstand pain, emotional or otherwise. This is a rather narrow understanding of it, explains Leah Anderson, a British UAE-based wellness expert and mindset coach. “I think the idea of strength is misunderstood so often. It’s equated with acting tough, which is just an external appearance,” she says. “People think acting tough is strength; but that’s not always the case. It’s a very limited idea of what strength really means,” she says.
There’s a strange irony around the concept of strength. It’s often what is confused with weaknesses. “People are conditioned to believe that many behavioural patterns that could be strengths, are weaknesses. For example, society will have us believe that crying is a weakness. As a child, if you cried, you were told ‘be strong’,” she says. “That could just later lead to suppression of your real feelings because you’re too scared of being judged. Being strong doesn’t always mean holding back your emotions, always having all the answers, or refusing to give up, she says.
“We can’t restrict the definitions of strength like that. Strength also means knowing when to just pause. It means to take breaks, looking after yourself when life gets too much. It means finally crying and letting your emotions flow freely, rather than suppressing them. It means asking for help,” she says. “Being strong means finding a way to just being true to yourself and what you need,” says Anderson.
Expressing yourself; being vulnerable
Sometimes, it takes phenomenal courage to be raw and vulnerable with others. That’s strength, explains Anderson. “Strength doesn’t mean facing difficulties in life with a smile on your face all the time. It also means letting people know how you feel, and asserting your boundaries,” she says.
Maithili Sanyal (name changed on request), an Abu Dhabi-based homemaker, recalls a “turning point” in her professional career, when she worked in an advertising company. “I had a manager, who seemed to have everything under control. She had all the answers to everything; she was calm, and she never seemed to lose her composure. For me, I thought that’s what strength was,” she says. However, her perception of strength gradually changed: She learnt later that her manager was battling crisis after crisis on the personal front. “Her health was failing, too. Yet, she kept coming to work, because the organisation didn’t want to let her go,” she says.
Finally, one day, her manager quit. “She finally cried on that last day and told us what she was really going through. And she said that she was going to put herself first, not the organisation. She left and got her notice period waived. When I met her years later, she seemed so much happier, and she told me that quitting the job was the best thing she had ever done. And when she quit, she felt in control of her life again. I think that’s when my ideas of strength and bravery changed for good,” says Sanyal.
‘The courage to acknowledge faults’
Sometimes the hardest thing for a person to say is, “I’m wrong. I’m sorry.”
Bushra Khan, a wellness expert and transformational coach at Dubai-based clinic Wellth, adds to this and says, “Strong personalities have the courage to acknowledge their faults, and express their imperfections openly. I think true strength lies in acknowledging emotions, taking responsibility for actions, sharing fears and actions. It’s a reminder that strength isn’t synonymous with an unyielding exterior,” she says.
Strong personalities have the courage to acknowledge their faults, and express their imperfections openly. I think true strength lies in acknowledging emotions, taking responsibility for actions, sharing fears and actions. It’s a reminder that strength isn’t synonymous with an unyielding exterior
It takes courage to admit you went wrong, explains Anderson. It takes even more courage to work on rectifying your mistakes. “People tend to lose faith in themselves after they make a mistake, and so they won’t even try to amend their faults. They wallow in their own resentment and self-pity, rather than empower themselves. They fear that they just won’t be forgiven. The mistake they’ve made is too enormous,” she says.
Being assertive, and not aggressive
You can raise your voice as much as you want in an argument; it still doesn’t mean that you’re a strong person. “In fact, it shows that you’re struggling to hide your weaknesses with aggression,” says Anderson.
People who are strong can assert themselves without resorting to verbal and physical aggression, explains Khan. They know how to communicate their needs and feelings effectively, without trampling on the feelings and rights of others, she adds.
Moreover, listen to others, explains Khan. Listening is another essential quality for a strong person; they don’t just want to make their point. “They want to hear other people’s perspectives too. True listening involves active engagement, empathy, and thoughtful responses,” she adds.
Asking for help
Sometimes, it’s okay to admit that we can’t do certain things on our own, says Danielle Fey, an Abu Dhabi-based life coach. “We’re juggling so many things in our lives, including professional crisis, and personal troubles. It’s okay if you sometimes must request to extend a work deadline, if you’ve got many things going on. It’s okay to ask your colleagues for help when you feel that work is piling up. It’s not a weakness; it’s in fact, sensible,” says Fey. “Otherwise, it’s a recipe for breakdown and disaster,” she says.
Bushra Khan explains some basic steps to cultivate a sense of strength and resilience:
1. Self-reflection: Start by gaining a deep understanding of your values and beliefs.
2. Practice active listening: Make a conscious effort to truly understand others during conversations.
3. Embrace change: Challenge yourself to step outside your comfort zone regularly. Change doesn’t always mean that you’re fickle or that you can’t stick to something. It can also mean that you’re contemplating different perspectives and listening to other ideas. It means that you are growing and learning.
4. Express vulnerability: Share your feelings and fears with trusted friends or a therapist. Don’t bottle up your emotions; it could lead to much emotional damage in the long run.
5. Learn from setbacks: Instead of dwelling on failures, focus on the lessons they offer. It’s okay to fail and make mistakes often. It means you’re learning and challenging yourself. It doesn’t mean you’re not strong enough to succeed. Instead, see failure as a stepping stone to success.