Master the art of socialising: Get the introvert's toolkit for enjoyable gatherings
Don't drain your social battery: Choose quality conversations over aimless small talk
Pyjamas. Bed. The text ‘Sorry can’t make it’: The introvert starter pack. Or is it?
Well, it’s not wrong, but neither is it completely right either. There appears to be some tangled misconceptions about introversion. Ask the introverts, they’ll tell you. “People seem to think that introverts are just these grouchy, friendless loners, huddled in bedclothes and at home, and they don’t need people,” chuckles Medha Kawatra, an Abu Dhabi-based homemaker and part-time tutor. “I mean, we do have friends. We just know how to conserve our energy for the people that matter,” says Anindita Sen, a Dubai-based, Indian expat. The introverts are clearly rather cross.
Instead of everyone telling introverts how to be more ‘social’, people could learn a thing or two from them, says Cristina Stewart, a Canadian Abu Dhabi-based psychologist. “Introversion isn’t just about being quiet, shy and socially awkward. Such terms could be for varying personality types. Introverts do enjoy their own share of socialising; their style of interaction can be rather different. Sometimes, it could be even richer than a supposedly extroverted person,” she says.
Introversion: A deeply layered concept
“The problem is that we tend to generalise so much,” continues Stewart. “We just slot introverts into one category and see them as one personality type. Then we ascribe adjectives to them. Introversion is a rather deeply layered and complicated concept, and entails so many different characteristics for different people.” Coined by Swiss psychoanalyst Carl Jung, introversion suggests an inwards orientation to one’s own mental life rather than the outward orientation of extroverts to social life.
There are many kinds of introverts. “For some introverts, yes, large gatherings is torturous. They might have social anxiety. However, there are also those introverts who know how to manage their energy in such functions. Some are grounded, and careful before making a rash decision. Others needn’t be,” she says.
There are many qualities that you can learn from introverts, she says. And yes, believe it or not, those can be some high-functioning social skills.
Preserve your energy for the right gatherings
You really don’t have to attend every social gathering, just because you were invited for it.
“I think introverts are naturally selective about which function they want to attend. They do know where they don’t want to waste energy. So you won’t see them at every party or gathering just ‘because’,” explains Neetha Jhaveri, a wellness practitioner at the Dubai-based clinic, Wellth. This also helps them with the quality of “strategic” networking, she says. Most of the time, they know who they need to talk to in networking gatherings, rather than draining their energy, speaking to everyone.
Introverts are naturally selective about which function they want to attend. They do know where they don’t want to waste energy. So you won’t see them at every party or gathering just ‘because. This also helps them with the quality of “strategic” networking....
“Many introverts know how to set strong boundaries and say no,” she adds.
Kathleen Wright, a British Abu Dhabi-based public relations professions, feels that she learned this skill rather late. An introvert, she would attend every function, gathering and party, because she didn’t know how to say no. “Before the party would be even halfway, I was exhausted. I would just stand in the corner, quietly, wondering how to tell people that I wanted to go home. Finally, I learnt that I could just say it. More than that, I learnt that I didn’t have to attend every party, just out of politeness,” she says.
Putting a little twist on the Beastie Boys song Fight For Your Right, you really don’t have to fight for your right to party, or not party.
You should know when to seek solitude
Moreover, introverts also know how to manage their energy. They know when to take breaks, explains Stewart. Rather than talking to everyone at a party and holding this as some sort of badge of pride, they are able to withdraw for a while and seek solitude. “It just means that they know, in order to show their best side and bring their energy to a gathering, they need time alone for a while,” says Stewart.
In other words, take a break. Step away for some time, and return to people.
Listening: A crucial social skill
Everyone is ready to talk. Yet, no one’s ready to listen.
Perhaps we can learn something from introverts here, says Aliyah Khan, a British-Pakistani Dubai-based life coach. “People with introverted personalities can be strong listeners. They don’t speak much in conversations, as they focus on what the other person is saying, instead of their own response. Many people make the mistake of talking and trying to engage, that they don’t listen to others. When you take a step back, pause before you speak, and allow others to talk, you can gain better insight into people,” she says.
Conveying emotions with just body language
Sometimes, that smile conveys more than what words could.
The truth is, our body language conveys most of our communication, says Khan. Most introverts actually have this power, where they communicate with non-verbal cues. “You can say so much with just eye contact, or by nodding when someone’s talking. It gives them the feeling that they’re being listened to. These signs actually cement a relationship more than words can,” she adds.
Sometimes, you don’t need words.