The science of contradicting emotions: How they shape our decision-making skills
When we experience mixed emotions, several regions of the brain spring to action
Emotions aren’t black and white. They’re a blur of colours; it’s what we often call, bittersweet, perhaps even mixed feelings: When joy, pride come with a shadow of grief, heartache and uncertainty. It's like standing at a crossroads, feeling the pull in multiple directions. You might feel elated about landing a new job, yet an undercurrent of fear about the unknown lingers beneath the surface. Similarly, after ending a relationship, relief may wash over you, accompanied by guilt, heartbreak, and ironically, a sense of elusive freedom.
For example, Dubai-based Aashita Kamra, a homemaker felt a range of emotions, when she moved away from Delhi, a city that she had lived for 25 years, to the UAE after marriage. A new life, anticipation, yet, the sorrow of leaving her old world behind, with the knowledge that some relationships would never be the same again. On the other hand, Ayah Youssef, a Dubai-based scientific researcher was overjoyed when she finally completed her PhD; something her father had always wanted to see. Unfortunately, he had passed away a year before. Youssef recalls the feeling of tearful joy: The success didn’t seem complete without him.
Experiencing these contradictory, mixed emotions, though often uncomfortable, aren’t just emotional noise — they’re the brain’s way of helping us navigate life’s most complex decisions. However, the reality is that the brain is working overtime in those moments, using that emotional tug-of-war to help us make better, more thoughtful decisions. Neuroscience reveals that our capacity to feel multiple, opposing emotions is key to developing emotional intelligence and resilience.
Yet, how is it possible to feel two vastly contrasting emotions at the same time? Do we just feel both positive and negative at the same time? Or, are we just switching back and forth?
The brain’s balancing act
When we experience mixed emotions, several regions of the brain go into action. Ovgu Ozturkeri, a neuropsychologist from the German Neuroscience Center explains: The brain processes multiple emotions together by utilising some specific areas in the brain like anterior cingulate and ventromedial prefrontal cortex. These parts take signals from different emotional centres in the brain that make emotions and bring them together. This allows us to feel two emotions, such as happy and sad, at the same time. Perhaps even amusement and disgust - when we hear a rather peculiar joke, feel disgust, but are still amused.
Ozturkeri elaborates further: The amygdala, which is often considered the brain's emotional epicenter, is responsible for our immediate, gut-level responses—like excitement, fear, or anger. Meanwhile, the prefrontal cortex — the rational side of us — steps in to process and weigh these emotional inputs. The dialogue between these two regions helps us navigate situations where choices aren’t clear-cut.
She adds, “The other important parts of the brain that involve mixed emotions are the anterior cingulate and the ventromedial prefrontal cortex. These parts help us with emotions that are more complicated by emotional regulation, empathy and decision making.”
Moreover, as the latest neuroscience research shows: We’re not ‘switching back and forth’ between emotions. According to a 2024 study by neuroscientists at the University of Southern California, the brain exhibits distinct neural activity when experiencing mixed, bittersweet emotions. The researchers discovered that regions like the amygdala and nucleus accumbens show unique patterns, which are not present during purely positive or negative emotions. The study challenges the idea of alternating between emotions, suggesting instead that the brain holds steady in a ‘mixed emotion’ state. This signals deeper understanding of how we process emotional complexity, leading to more insights into human decision-making and emotional intelligence.
Cognitive dissonance: A fuel for reflection
Mixed emotions often plunge us into a whirlpool of cognitive dissonance, where the mental tug-of-war between conflicting beliefs or feelings creates a palpable sense of unease. It’s as if you’re balancing on a tightrope of indecision, unsure which side to lean toward. However, instead of paralysing us, this dissonance often prompts deeper reflection, explain the psychologists. You might find yourself considering the pros and cons of each choice, weighing short-term emotional gains against long-term benefits.
When you have mixed emotions, it can lead to more careful, reflective decision-making since your brain is weighing both the good and bad feelings. However, it can also make you wait longer to decide because you are not sure which feeling to follow...
Oztukeri adds, “When you have mixed emotions, it can lead to more careful, reflective decision-making since your brain is weighing both the good and bad feelings. However, it can also make you wait longer to decide because you are not sure which feeling to follow.”
Idende Oleana, a corporate communications professional and American expat in Dubai, connects with the emotions tied to job transitions. “My earlier office was wonderful; I had friends, and got along very well with my managers. I was presented with a new career opportunity that was good for my career and family, and I was so confused, at first. I didn’t want to leave my old company behind; I didn’t know what the new one would be like. And yet, as I kept considering the pros and cons of both decisions - staying and leaving - I really could finally make a decision. I had to leave,” she says.
Mixed emotions signal a decision that carries significant weight
Sometimes, when you’re afflicted by this indecision, you can take a better informed decision. They signal that a decision carries significant weight. When you feel pulled in different directions, it could be because the stakes are high — whether for personal growth, relationships, or your career. The internal conflict forces you to slow down and weigh each option carefully.
As in Oleana’s case: It’s a move to a new city and a job. On one hand, there’s a surge of excitement at the thought of a fresh start. On the other hand, sadness creeps in at the idea of leaving behind friends and familiar routines. As Thomas says, “Rather than rushing into action, this emotional complexity urges you to consider: Is this new city really the right move for me? What am I willing to sacrifice? What do I gain? It’s this careful deliberation, prompted by the brain’s ability to handle mixed emotions, which helps you avoid rash decisions.”
Rather than this confusion derailing your decision-making process, your mixed emotions act as a guide, compelling you to consider aspects like future career benefits, personal relationships, and emotional well-being. The brain’s prefrontal cortex and anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) work together to integrate these emotions, helping you arrive at a decision that balances both logic and feelings.
Multiple perspectives and a sense of empathy
Moreover, when you experience mixed emotions, you start considering multiple perspectives, explains Oztukeri. “For example, parents often feel a mix of love and fear when their child is exploring or learning something new. This mixed emotion motivates parents to both encourage the child and be aware of potential dangers, which balances the need for growth with the instinct to protect,” she says. It fosters a sense of empathy towards others. Srishti Khanna, a Dubai-based neurosuychiatrist adds, “When we experience conflicting feelings, we become more attuned to our own emotional complexities, allowing us to recognise similar complexities in others. This awareness builds understanding and compassion, so we can appreciate what someone else is experiencing in a situation.” And so, we can navigate our own mixed emotions. It deepens, strengthens our connections with others, making us more empathetic and responsive to their experiences.
Mixed emotions as a compass
The journey through mixed emotions is rich with nuance and intricately tied to emotional intelligence. Khanna explains, “These conflicting feelings enable you to understand and manage your emotions better. Regularly confronting these complexities cultivates emotional flexibility, strengthening your ability to adapt to new situations.” Each experience of conflicting emotions offers a chance for deeper reflection, learning, and informed choices.
When balancing feelings like joy and sorrow, you expand your emotional awareness. This newfound understanding helps you recognise how various factors affect your well-being and the emotions of those around you. Learning to hold space for multiple emotions without becoming overwhelmed builds resilience, allowing you to navigate challenges with greater composure.
When does it become a problem?
While mixed emotions offer numerous benefits, they must be regulated and approached with moderation. Ozturkeri warns that if someone frequently experiences overwhelming mixed emotions, it may lead to difficulties in managing feelings and decision-making, potentially resulting in emotional exhaustion and challenges in everyday life.
Ultimately, embracing the complexities of mixed emotions can guide us towards empathy, and a deeper understanding of ourselves and others. By recognising and reflecting on these feelings, we can turn our internal conflicts into opportunities for wisdom and emotional resilience.