Softspoken, not a pushover: Why quiet confidence is the secret weapon of effective leaders
We’re drawn to those who make their point without theatrics…
Confidence need not announce itself with fanfare and drumroll; sometimes, the quietest voices carry the most strength.
That’s the power of quiet confidence. Calm, softspoken perhaps, and no one will still consider you a pushover. For instance, that’s how Abu Dhabi-based Alisha Rai, a homemaker describes her mother. “She would put forth her point with such strong assertiveness, without ever yelling or raising her voice. She didn’t argue if she knew that she was wrong; she would just have her way of proving that she was right,” says Rai. Remembering an instance at a standing concert several years ago, she explained that people kept jostling against her and would tell her to move further back. “My mother, as uncomfortable as she was, would just hold her ground. In the midst of fighting, annoyed crowds, my mother told that man off firmly, ‘I’m not moving anywhere. There’s no space.’ And even he, didn’t push the point further,” she says.
The weapon of quiet confidence
We’re drawn to those who make their point without theatrics. It’s a confidence that says, ‘I don’t need to prove myself.’
One example would be refusing to explain an offside in football terms, as Abu Dhabi-based Mila Rey, an American marketing professional and footballer, says. “Every time I mention that I love playing football, immediately I’m quizzed: So what’s an offside? The answer to that apparently proves whether I’m actually a footballer. So, I’ve stopped answering. I just laugh and tell them that I don’t need to prove anything to them. I think that’s a step up from the rage that I used to feel,” she says, admitting that she used to snap back, “Why don’t you know what an offside is?”
As that illustrates, quiet confidence, when wielded effectively, becomes an unspoken authority in daily life. It might just be the sign of a good leader. Many UAE professionals assert that a calm, confident manager and leader has been far more instructive and helpful than a forceful, emphatic and loud one. “It is a leadership style rooted in humility, authenticity, and a genuine belief in one’s abilities. I think it's important, especially in a world where bold voices and high-energy displays are celebrated. Being quiet, yet intimidating is such a refreshing, understated, approach," explains Katis Boris, a Dubai-based marketing manager.
So, what would the qualities of such a leader be?
The basic traits of quiet confidence
A little self-assurance. A lot of resilience. And most definitely, emotional intelligence. As Monica Mathijs, a Dubai-based life coach explains, quiet confidence is rooted in a deep sense of self-assurance, that doesn’t rely on external validation. “You know what you’re worth, and you don’t need someone else to reiterate it to you. Moreover, you have the knack of standing grounded, even in uncertain or stressful situations. You at least, have a sense of composure around you, so you don’t overreact to external pressures. That, often commands respect and admiration from others,” she says.
So, essentially, if you can stand and calmly argue your point, knowing that you’re right, that’s the inner strength speaking. “It’s also the ability to understand when you’re wrong, and accepting it. These qualities are entrenched in resilience, and emotional intelligence,” adds Mathijs. You create a mindset that views challenges as opportunities for growth. “Instead of needing to prove yourself, you nourish the capacity to adapt and overcome difficulties. This subtle inner strength is inspiring to others, who may see them as pillars of stability and reliability.”
Cue, quiet confidence. This also involves emotional intelligence, which includes skills such as empathy, self-regulation and social awareness. “A quietly confident person can respond to situations thoughtfully, rather than impulsively. Owing to this kind of composure, they can read people better and adjust their responses to build trust and rapport. They don’t have the need to dominate conversations.”
They’re not afraid of saying that they don’t know
You don’t have the answers all the time, and that’s alright, says Boris. “At first, I used to think it was a weakness. I believe it’s a strength now, when people aren’t afraid to admit that they just don’t know. They’re secure enough in their abilities and self-worth, to acknowledge their gaps in knowledge,” she says.
Instead of pretending to know something, you take it as an opportunity to learn. This is an intimidating kind of honesty: It’s raw. “It’s about being humble, and willing to show that you want to learn, and that itself, is a form of grounded assurance,” she says. “I actually have so much respect for many managers who honestly said that they didn’t know something and wanted to learn from their teammates, as compared to managers who kept steamrolling others with their confidence and destroying the team’s morale in process.”
Why such leadership outshines loud displays of power
Abu Dhabi-based Nicholas Stevens, a sales professional, remembers being a little intimidated by his manager. She never yelled or even raised her voice, but she somehow always knew how to ensure that people toed the line. “I remember, a meeting when one of my colleagues was determined to just fight with her for no reason and was trying to belittle her, trying to say that he knew better. She didn’t give up for a long time, kept continuously proving him wrong, while listening to him patiently. That meeting went on for a good two hours, without her backing down.”
The colleague was flustered and ‘confidently’ kept fighting, while she came out looking far better in the argument. “I don’t think he ever tried arguing with her again, because when he tried, she just calmly said, ‘Oh, we’re not doing this again. Sit down’. And that, was that,” he says.
As Mathijs says, that’s the power of a strong leader. They don’t need to assert their authority forcefully. “Unlike more domineering leaders who rely on displays of power or control, quietly confident leaders let their work and decisions speak for themselves. This non-forceful approach, builds a kind of respect that is earned rather than demanded, which is often more enduring and genuine,” she says.
A loud, abrasive leadership generates an atmosphere of competition or tension, where others feel pressured to prove themselves or challenge authority. “In contrast, quiet confidence diffuses this tension. These kind of people are secure in their role and have nothing to prove, which often minimises power struggles within the team,” says Polly Wan, a Dubai-based Human Resources Manager. When you create an environment that prioritises collaboration over competition, such leaders encourage teamwork, rather than rivalry. “It becomes easier for team members to focus on their work and goals,” she says.
Stable decision-making and emotional control under pressure
Stevens remembers another manager, who would confidently decide on the spot ‘Oh we’re doing this, don’t worry this is the right way to go!’ and repent at leisure. “I think, my entire perception of confidence changed,” he says with a chuckle. As he maintains, you would trust such a leader to decide with a balanced, thoughtful perspective. It helps create stability in the team, as the employees know that the decisions are made for the benefit for the group and not for the leader’s ago, says Mathijs. “This is often missing in environments led by more overtly dominant leaders, whose need to exert control, which can sometimes lead to erratic or short-sighted decisions.”
And more importantly, instead of reacting impulsively, they stay calm under pressure. “This inspires a sense of calm in the employees too, who are more likely to mirror this behaviour,” says Mathijs. “Such emotional control often yields better outcomes and helps teams feel secure, even in difficult or high-stress situations.”
Softspoken doesn’t mean a pushover
From her experience, Wan notes that people tend to misunderstand quiet and confident people as pushovers. “When I say softspoken, it shouldn’t be misconstrued as overtly gentle and letting someone get away with delayed tasks, or abusing power. Such people know how to get the best out of others, without being aggressive or bearing down heavily on them,” she says.
As she elaborates: The real manager and leader doesn’t stop at just being ‘silent’. “It’s the way they carry themselves. It’s the body language. The tone, and the words, that they use. They’re not taken for granted,” she says. “I’ve seen such managers silence badly behaved employees with just one look, or a word, without ever being rude or personal. I feel it’s a skill that you need to build over time, as there’s a fine line between quiet and not being heard,” she says.
How quiet leaders make good teams
Freddie Prewt,a corporate wellness coach, explains that if a leader is a good listener, that’s one sure sign of gaining their team’s trust. “That’s how you create a safe space for communication and growth, free from any judgment. They don’t see the need to show their authority, and are more approachable. Team members feel comfortable, share ideas and express concerns. As a result, you create an environment for innovation, problem-solving and risk-taking. People slowly have belief that they won’t be humiliated for speaking up and making mistakes. And in time, this builds loyalty and cohesion.”
Moreover, they trust their team to make decisions. “That’s the quality of such a leader: You empower them, and not micromanage them. This trust is crucial as it shows that they respect their team, building loyalty. Team members who feel trusted and empowered are often more motivated, as they have the autonomy to tackle challenges and demonstrate their skills,” he says.
Ultimately, quiet confidence in leadership cultivates a team environment that is respectful, collaborative, and purpose driven. Such leaders build trust through consistency, without micromanaging, and finally creating loyal and motivated teams that are more likely to perform well. “Quiet confidence in leadership proves that strength doesn’t have to be loud to be impactful; often, it is the silent, steady confidence that drives the most lasting success,” says Mathijs.