From praise to pressure: The risks of excessive attention at the workplace
Love bombing in office creates a sense of indebtedness…
What most people crave is recognition, love, and validation. But what happens when you're ‘bombed’ with that kind of overwhelming admiration, only to have it abruptly taken away?
Enter love bombing, an insidious relationship tactic to manipulate someone with love, praise and gifts. It isn’t just restricted to romantic relationships; it exists in the workplace, in the form of excessive praise from managers, team members or colleagues.
As Dubai-based Ava Grayson, a British media professional summarises from her experiences: You’re made to feel like a real star, a close friend and confidante. And one day, you suddenly aren’t. Poof, you’re insignificant.
A dream job?
Recalling her story, Grayson explains that she thought she had landed her dream job. How could she not believe so? Her bosses and seniors were full of admiration for her work. They told her implicitly that ‘she was exactly what their team needed’. She felt a sense of belonging, as she was invited to different lunches and dinners, privy to gossip. She was warned who to be friends with, who to never associate with. This made her uneasy, but she pushed the doubts away.
And then it all changed one day. Grayson still doesn’t know what triggered the shift. The warm welcomes turned frigid. The invitations stopped. No more calls for coffee. She felt roughly pushed aside, left wondering what had gone wrong.
As she says, you really can’t catch the red flags at first. At least, not till you are knee-deep in confusion and bewilderment. That’s the peculiar toxicity of love bombing.
The psychology of love bombing
Love bombing — a manipulative tactic often employed by narcissists that involves overwhelming someone with excessive attention or affection to gain control. As Carolyn Yaffe, a counsellor and cognitive behaviour therapist at Medcare Camali Clinic can appear like a bouquet that never seems to end – manifesting in various ways.
It takes a while to catch the signs in the beginning, because everything feels positive and validating, explains Esra Trepsci, a Dubai-based clinical psychologist. “Such a person would make their colleague feel special, by taking them out for coffees or lunches, under the garb of being welcoming and friendly. This usually involves a lot of flattery, praise or even providing inappropriate information about other colleagues,” she says. It’s a tactic to draw the employee into their inner circle, subtly insisting on loyalty without explicitly stating it. “Such people would joke around and say things like ‘tell us if xyz says something to you’ or on those lines, ensuring that you remain on their side.” You feel as you owe them, but you don’t quite know for what.
Love bombing in the workplace can appear like a bouquet that never seems to end – manifesting in various ways. For instance, a manager might excessively praise an employee's work, showering them with compliments that seem disproportionate to the task....
In other words, this tactic can create a sense of indebtedness, making the recipient feel they owe something in return — whether it’s loyalty, extra work, or overlooking inappropriate behaviour. It can be one of the more subtle yet insidious ways a toxic boss gradually reveals their true nature, or a colleague who wishes to manipulate, she adds. There are many manifestations as she and Yaffe explain: For instance, while a manager ‘love bombing’ an employee is well-known, there are cases of employees trying to flatter their boss regularly, in the hope of securing a promotion or appraisal.
Elaborating further, Yaffe says, "Another example could be a colleague who constantly seeks your approval and validation, making you feel like the center of their world. The key differences from regular praise or appreciation are the intensity and frequency, love bombing features excessive or intense levels of praise that may seem exaggerated. In contrast, regular appreciation is thoughtful, precise, and heartfelt."
This happened to Mashka Thomas, an Abu Dhabi-based corporate communications manager. Her team’s friendliness escalated into frequent coffee invitations, compliments, and small gifts. Thomas quickly recognised what was happening and set clear boundaries, but when she declined, her team’s behaviour turned hostile and cold. Worse, they started spreading defamatory rumours. “It got very ugly. Finally, I had to involve Human Resources,” she says.
Signs of love bombing at work:
Love bombing can be difficult to identify because it often masquerades as affection, praise, or camaraderie. Nevertheless, here are some warning signs, according to the psychologists.
Excessive praise beyond professional norms: Everyone enjoys hearing that they’re doing a good job, but if you’re constantly singled out for praise in meetings, emails, or one-on-one conversations — especially when it feels disproportionate to your actual contributions — this might be a sign. The compliments often come in a way that feels over the top or out of place.
Frequent gifts or personal favours: Colleagues offering help or small tokens of appreciation is normal, but love bombers crank this up a notch. They might bring you coffee every day, buy elaborate gifts, or volunteer for tasks that seem unnecessary, creating an unspoken obligation to reciprocate.
Intense attention or involvement in your work: A colleague or manager might constantly check in on you, offer unsolicited advice, or want to be involved in every aspect of your work. While it may initially seem supportive, this can be an attempt to monitor your actions or ensure you’re aligning with their goals.
Boundary overstepping: You might notice the person becomes upset or distant if you try to establish boundaries. For example, if you decline a lunch invitation or don’t immediately reciprocate the praise, they may react negatively, subtly pressuring you to comply with their demands in the future.
The agenda behind love bombing
These love-bombing tactics at the workplace are ridden with insecurity, explain the psychologists. As Trepsci says, “It isn’t normal behaviour. It could also stem from a desire for control. People who suffer from insecurities, may feel threatened by others' talents or success. By showering someone with praise, attention, or gifts, they seek to maintain control over the recipient, ensuring that person feels dependent on their approval. This could be in the form of a junior trying to impress their boss, or a boss trying to ensure that a team stays loyal to them.”
It’s also designed to create an emotional dependency, where the person feels obligated to return the favour, explains Yaffe. In an office setting, this could mean staying loyal to a colleague, ignoring problematic behaviours, or taking on more work without question. Love bombers may also use their excessive kindness to gain control or influence, ensuring that others in the workplace side with them during conflicts or office politics. “At its core, love bombing is a power play. The person doing the love bombing is often seeking control or influence in a way that appears benign, but ultimately benefits them at the expense of the other person’s well-being or professional boundaries,” she says.
However, love bombing could also reflect deep-rooted fears of rejection and inadequacy. When a person fears being disliked, they attempt to forge a false of connection, hoping others see them in a positive light, says Trepsci. It’s also a way to mask their own inadequacies. A person love bombs, as they’re afraid uncertain about their own leadership qualities and overcompensate with excessive kindness, believing it will hide their flaws. Moreover, they hope that this ‘bombing’ would be returned, which could boost their fragile self-esteem.
The emotional toll
You know the feeling: You owe someone something, but you don’t know exactly why you do? That’s what love bombing feels like, explain the psychologists. Sometimes, people also don’t know how to put a stop to it, as they are consumed by guilt. After all, how do you tell someone to not be nice to you anymore? And yet, the pressure keeps building, as Trepsci says. The person starts heading to a state of burnout. They know that they’re being manipulated, but they can’t exactly understand how and why. “You just feel like you’re in a downward spiral,” adds Trepsci.
Unhealthy team dynamics
Worse, it creates an unhealthy office environment, as relationships are now being built on power dynamics rather than actual, authentic relationships. It creates rifts, fuelling tensions and conflicts. Yaffe explains, "Over time, the love bombed individual may depend on this type of validation, diminishing their self-confidence and increasing their vulnerability to manipulation. This affects theperson and team dynamics, as it can lead to a power imbalance and a breakdown of trust. Teams thrive on meaningful connections, and love bombing can rupture these bonds by overshadowing truthful interactions with overwhelming flattery."
Bushra Khan, a transformational coach at Wellth, Dubai, explains further the impact on team dynamics, "When one person is being singled out with over-the-top praise, others start to notice. This can lead to feelings of resentment or even competition within the team. Instead of fostering collaboration, love-bombing divides people." Once they realise the praise isn't genuine, distrust begins to bread, not just towards the person, but towards the work environment as a whole. People start second-guessing the motives behind compliments.
So, how can you put a stop to this?
As Trepsci explains, in a professional setting especially, you need to be aware of the signs quickly, especially if you’re in a senior position. “You earn respect from others by setting boundaries and declining unnecessary invitations, and maintaining clear lines,” says Trepsci.
Set clear boundaries
If you notice that a colleague or manager is giving you excessive attention or favours, it’s important to set boundaries early on. Politely decline offers or gifts if they make you uncomfortable, and don’t be afraid to limit personal interactions if you feel overwhelmed.
Recognise manipulation tactics
Stay aware of how their behaviour impacts your emotions. Are you feeling guilty for not reciprocating? Do you find yourself going out of your way to please them? If so, it’s time to assess the situation critically.
Don’t be afraid to say no
It’s okay to refuse offers, whether it’s accepting praise, gifts, or additional work. Learn to say no confidently without feeling the need to explain yourself.
Document interactions
If you suspect someone is love bombing you, start keeping a record of the interactions. This will help you if the situation escalates or if you need to discuss it with HR or a supervisor.
As Trepsci says, “While love bombing may initially seem flattering, it’s essential to recognise it for what it is: A manipulative tactic designed to control or influence you. In the professional world, maintaining healthy boundaries and identifying unhealthy dynamics is key to protecting your well-being and ensuring a respectful, balanced work environment. You need to stay aware and set limits, so that you can safeguard yourself from emotional manipulation and foster more authentic professional relationships.”