There may be one thing people are good at — making new friends. All it takes these days is a click to accept a request button on Facebook or follow back. Tops, keep liking their posts.
The one thing they struggle with — keeping up with old ones. There is little commitment to meet, follow-up on returning the call, being there in silence or screams.
Personally I chase friendships with the same velocity as I chase love. Lovers, anyway, are way more celebrated in our society. There’s a wedding to commence and a divorce to end. Friendships are unsung and fade into nothingness when distance creeps in, physically or otherwise.
On a recent trip to my hometown, I caught up with my friends. We’ve all grown in shape and size. A hard realisation to accept your old mates with greying hairs. Teenage used to be a fest. College flew by in a jiffy.
These guys have been witnesses all along. The awkward lad I was then — my first crush, the heartbreak that followed (apparently, the girl I was crushing after, was crushing after my best friend). Then subsequent romances — the joy of first kiss! And coming back to register it with my bestie, which felt even better. Guys do kiss and tell.
The first of everything — going to college together, pooling the money for any plan to spring to life. Fantasising lifelong plans of having a restaurant together and retiring to PS3 game in the backyard. Life was supposed to be all fun and games until careers decided otherwise.
Real life
Cut to real life. We clustered together at a local cafe for a confab. Drinks joined in. The friend called in for more ice. Guess he needed more to break one. Caught up where we last left. Chats hovered around politics and crisis. Each one of us had a thing to say, each one of us wanted to sound intelligent.
Then each one of us got back to our digital spouses: our phones. Silly rants about food and obnoxious pricing. Small talk about latest gadgets. Then deep-dives into our phones again. Splitting the bill. Posing for a selfie, Post #friendsforlife. Sayonara.
None of us spoke about our private lives, no breach of personal security. Each one just stayed true to their appearance. That selfie culture seems to have turned us into narcissists who care more about managing our PR than being present with each other.
What changed a few years and a few kilos later? My cousin once told me, nobody is a friend anymore, everybody is just “a contact”. It occurred to me now — what she exactly meant when she said it.
In another episode, a friend who’s a music geek, posted a story on his Insta;
I go about my business, I’m doing fine/Besides what would I say if I had you on the line?/Same old story, not much to say/Hearts are broken every day
These are lyrics from the song “you were meant for me” by Jewel.
I envy his taste in music. Gathering all’s not well with him, I rang in a mutual who supplies my daily gossip. It was then I discovered that the guy was going through a divorce. I sensed a shift in social interaction. One does not make a call when things go south — just post a social media story. Welcome to the digital age.
The ride of life
I remember struggling to pick up a phone with a friend for a short-term loan. I detoured toward a bank in the opposite direction of my friend. One’s got to show muscle in modern friendships, resulting in hesitance before asking for any favour — what’d they take of us?
All this sets me thinking: What then is the coin of friendship? Whatever happened to a friend in need, is a friend indeed.
I think we have ourselves to blame. Friends and friendship take a back seat in the ride of life. Work takes a toll, kids consume time, and we outgrow friendships too. While some of us are lucky to replace old friends with new ones, it’s oftentimes the comfort and collective history with old pals that fills your heart with joy.
Friendships are to be consumed in dollops and not in drips. Uncalculated, free-flowing, and always in full supply. No fear of judgement, and knowing that when everything else is sinking, the comfort cushion will come from a friend only.
Ashish Dewani is an avid traveller and writer. Twitter: @a5hush
