A guide to in-flight etiquette

Reclining seats

If you want to recline your seat all the way, it's polite to ask the passenger directly behind if they mind you doing so, especially if they're as tall as a basketball player, using a laptop or still eating their meal. Reclining your seat on a short day-time flight, however, is unacceptable and any kick in the back you get for doing so is thoroughly justified.

Children and babies

Let's face it: babies scream their tiny lungs out when they're on planes, and trying to make them stop is as pointless as trying to teach a tortoise to swim. So put on your headphones, crank up the decibels and pray they'll settle down eventually. Unruly children running up and down the aisle and high-fiving passengers should be appropriately dealt with by cabin crew. Resist the urge to "accidentally" trip them up with a subtly protruding leg.

Toilet trips

Getting up from your seat by using the one in front of you as leverage is inexcusable. Use the armrests. If you need to wake the person sitting next to you, touch them lightly on the arm. If you have a weak bladder then you should ask cabin crew to get you an aisle seat. Getting someone to move for you more than three times in an eight-hour flight is excessive and annoying, unless they're really fat — in which case it's mildly amusing.

Armrests

Many an in-flight fight has been triggered by a bout of elbow niggling. Some people believe the middle-seater deserves both armrests as compensation for being squashed between two people. Others think it's simply "first come, first served". No one is entitled to hog it for the entire flight though. Feel free to claim or reclaim the armrest whenever it becomes available. When your neighbour goes to the toilet, for example, or when they reach up to scratch their nose. The latter requires good peripheral vision and quick reflexes.

Cabin Crew

Cabin crew have your safety and the comfort of you and your fellow passengers in mind, so treat them with respect. This doesn't mean chatting up the good-looking ones. Call them only when you genuinely need them, not when you want biscuit crumbs brushed off your lap. Even if you're flying first class, they are not to be treated as your personal slaves.

Non-stop talkers

Being held captive by a seatmate with verbal diarrhoea can be torture. Don't force conversation on the person next to you. And if you're on the receiving end of a bore, simply say you're too tired, sick or whatever to talk. Not everyone flies to make friends. But don't be rude. Some people are nervous fliers and can't help chatting incessantly.

Leaving the plane

There's little point in leaping up to get your luggage as soon as the plane has landed and is still taxiing down the runway. It won't get you out of there any quicker, and no one's going to steal your bag when you're sitting right next to them. If someone is having trouble getting their things out of the overhead compartment, kindly offer to help - unless, of course, they were sitting in front of you and spent the entire flight with their seat reclined.