Typing on a time machine

Reading on Twitter about Tom Hank's collection of manual typewriters reminded me of the time when I used to type my stories on one.

It was an ugly, noisy machine and every time I tapped out a word a claw would come out of its innards with the letter and bang it on a sheet of paper clamped on the top of the typewriter.

It's a miracle that journalists did not die of a heart attack while working on a story on these machines because when you are on a deadline, typewriters choose to be very moody. "OK, quick, I need it now," the editor would say, standing at my shoulder and actually dictating the story.

As I fumbled with the copy, the claws with the letters would come out all at once and get tangled up.

Like the grumpy copy machines of today, the typewriter would also suddenly run out of ink right in the middle of my storytelling and I would have to go and beg for a spool of ink ribbon from the storeroom manager and fit it in. The copy would finally come out looking like a jailbird's confession, with smudged fingerprints all over the paper.

Thank God, we do not have to use a typewriter any more; the laptops, netbooks and desktops are more efficient at driving us nuts by freezing at the most crucial moment or eating up the copy and hiding it some place so that you are forced to call an IT person to find it.

Years later, I found out that Remington, the company that made typewriters, was also a gun manufacturer. How it got into the two entirely different fields of enterprise must be an interesting read, but all I care about is shooting in the foot whoever invented the QWERTY keyboard.

I read somewhere that the keyboard is so designed because if you have the alphabets in order, A and then B and C, etc, then if you are a fast typist, you will jam up the keys. I am not sure if this story is correct but someone needs to redesign the 120-year-old keyboard and spare millions of secretaries and journalists the suffering.

Essential skills

In the good, old days, if you wished to pursue a career in journalism you needed to know shorthand and typing. You also had to learn how to get up early after late nights out. I couldn't be bothered with shorthand since you can't really write everything that the person you are interviewing says, so I went to a typing institute to learn how to type. [Incidentally, you can catch Hanks typing on his old Corona on YouTube].

All I can remember is that I made friends with a pretty girl on the next table who wanted to learn typing so that she could write letters like this: "Apropos to your last missive of the 22nd please be informed that we are looking into the matter and will get back to you post-haste."

I didn't learn how to type because I gave up after a couple of classes and learned how to hunt and peck the letters on the keyboard. But since I wanted to type my stories at home I bought a huge, portable Remington that you needed both hands to carry around.

I am not sure what happened to that monster, but today I am happy with the laptop I have, although a friend says it is too slow and needs to be upgraded.

So, every year when Gitex comes around I go and salivate at the newer models which are sleeker and more prettier. The only problem is that I still have to type my stories as the voice recognition software can't understand my accent.