Let’s become a billion lights of change

I still remember what the Vietnamese girl at my regular salon said to me: “It’s really sad about that Indian girl who was raped, isn’t it, madam?” She was referring to last year’s incident that shocked the world. One December night in 2012, a physiotherapy student was brutally gang-raped by six men on a moving bus in New Delhi. She added: “It’s the same in my country.”

This girl’s statement reaffirmed the universal nature of rape. However, what added to the collective shock that the world experienced after that beastly crime in India-- which led to the victim’s death-- was that just like aftershocks following a massive earthquake, news reports poured in about other rapes across the country. This continued for many months. If the victim in one case was a teenage tribal girl, it another it was an innocent minor.

I visited India in April in the wake of these immensely disturbing reports of gang-rapes and other sexual assaults. As a regular follower of developments in India, I was keen to understand what changes, if any, had taken place in the everyday life of the people.

Looking around the bustling city of Bengaluru, where I spend the major part of my vacation, I noticed life went on as usual. It was only when we travelled to a small village off the Malabar coast to visit relatives that I realised how these unfortunate incidents were slowly influencing the mindset of the people. The change was for the better.

On the first day of our visit, we were informed about Meera’s experience. Meera was the neighbour’s daughter, a shy and quiet girl. Meera and a friend were travelling by train to the engineering college where she was a resident student. Her father, who was accompanying them, could only secure a seat in another section of the crowded train. The tedious, seven-hour journey got worse when a middle-aged passenger began making overtures at Meera and her friend. They endured it silently for some time and then unexpectedly — quite contrary to her demure nature — Meera reacted. Along with her friend, she told fellow passengers that the man’s behaviour was disturbing. The people accosted the man, her father rushed in and the police were summoned.

Meera later admitted that the way she was raised by her parents conditioned her not to suffer such situations in silence. Frequent discussions with friends about harassment of women emboldened her. It is these changes in the small villages, within the family and within ourselves that will lead to the much-needed change in India’s social fabric.

The protests across the country after the series of crimes against women have justifiably demanded speedy government action, sensitising the police force and cleansing the judicial system. However, there is also a need for each of us to introspect and take steps, however small, that would bring about a comprehensive change in society. It is encouraging to see more women of all ages pursuing classes in self-defence and several support groups mushrooming — even in small communities or towns — to fight sexual assault.

The role of the family, which has always been the cornerstone of Indian society, is once again, pivotal. We need to start with gender bias at home. Comments such as “Oh! She’s a girl. She has to get married soon. What is the need to educate her so much?” are unacceptable. We need to ensure greater community involvement by encouraging more social responsibility in children through volunteering projects, or charity initiatives, which are all ways to contribute towards building a better society. We need to take a hard look at the upbringing of our children and rethink whether we are bringing up our sons to believe that girls are their equals. We need to instil boldness and courage in our daughters to speak out about things like harassment or stalking.

Non-Resident Indians like me can also participate in this change process even if it is just by sponsoring the education of at least one child in India, encouraging ourselves and our children to be actively involved in a social welfare project or even letting our voices be heard if only to create awareness and never to forget the impact of these crimes on our society.

Each one of us has the responsibility to ensure that such unfortunate incidents do not overshadow the great contributions our country has made to humanity and is still capable of achieving. The need of the hour is to “be the change that we want to see” and that can be achieved only by the light, however small, emanating from each one of us.

Fyna Ashwath is a writer based in Dubai