Focus: Pre-marital relationships

This is a topic that generated strong reader reaction. There was only one writer, who took a neutral stand. The rest were either against or for it. A few said pre-marital relationships were against religious tenets, while others felt that it might result in failed marriages. Some readers felt it was better to follow the traditional approach and settle for an arranged marriage. However, all conveyed the need for understanding and maturity for any relationship to succeed. We present the debate.

Relationships before marriage help people better understand how to adjust to another person.

Yes, this is true, because if you are in a relationship and you intend to take it to the next level and get married, you would already know the person. You then understand how the person thinks and know him or her well enough.
- Moazam Qureshi
Sharjah

People change, Islam doesn't. No matter how far the Westerners are going, we should respect our religion. Pre-marital relationship is forbidden in Islam. If we don't respect what Islam says then nobody will. Now people might be thinking: "How can you marry someone you don't know?" Well, this is how the generations before us lived.
- Y.Y.
UAE, Name withheld by request

Sure there is no doubt about this. A relationship will help you understand the other person. I am also 100 per cent for love marriages. I think arranged marriages fail a lot because the people did not get a chance to know each other before getting married, which is exactly what they would do if they married for love.
- Amir Mahjoub
Iran

Love is blind. So love marriages are also blind. Falling in love after getting married is more fun. Life wouldn't be drab and dull. Love marriages usually occur against parents' wishes. It calls for a lot of chaos. Arranged marriage is peaceful and happy. Love is never exhausted in an arranged marriage.
- Jaria Joy
Sharjah, Via email

Arranged marriages are more successful than love marriages.

I think it depends on the individuals. In a love marriage, you already know the person and what he or she likes and hates. You take your time to know the person. But in an arranged marriage, you get to know the person briefly before you get married. I am with love marriage.
- Mohammad Nawaz Adeen
Abu Dhabi

Arranged marriages are often enforced by the threat of expulsion from the family, social groups and culture. Arranged marriages cannot be considered as ideal marriages, just that it involves parents and elders being more practical and mature in judging their child's partner. These days there are equal cases of arranged marriages failing as love marriages. A successful marriage is all about understanding, love, concern and respecting each other's feelings and
differences.
- Nisha Jacob
Abu Dhabi, Via email

To some extent I think arranged marriages are more successful, because if you fall in love before getting married, there is no excitement in discovering new things about each other and can fall out of love. But in an arranged marriage all aspects of the relationship are accounted for. You know what you are getting into, but in a love marriage, you don't always know everything about the person you love.
- Jason Peter
Dubai

I vote for love marriages and believe they are successful. The notion that arranged marriages have less divorce rates than love marriages does not necessarily make them more successful than love marriages. Mostly arranged marriages involve money or property exchange between the two families and it is not merely an agreement between a male and a female to get married for love. Hence it's not easy to get divorce, even if the couple feels they are unhappy, as those who arranged the marriage would not arrange a divorce for them.
- M. Seneviratne
Dubai, Via email

Pre-marital relationships violate the sanctity of marriage.

No I don't think so. I think through these relationships you get to learn about the other person. But if we are talking about physical relationships, I believe a person should save him or herself until they get married. However, in the end it depends on each individual.
- Jimmy Sadri
Dubai

To an extent these relationships can violate what marriage represents. But I think if the man and woman are cool about their previous relationships, have an understanding and talk to each other, then I don't see a problem.
- Rishi Mujumdari
Dubai

I am against relationships before marriage because any kind of relationship should happen after getting married, not before. And this is also according to Islam and I believe in this very much. .
- Alia Mughal
Sharjah

I am for relationships before marriage because I believe that I need to know the person before I jump into marriage. Getting married is for life. Personally I prefer for a relationship to go wrong rather than a marriage. Once you are married and things don't work out, you will then have to live with it.
- Samira Shaikh
Dubai

Love marriages are more susceptible to divorce.

No, of course not. I don't think if a couple love and understand each other, they would get a divorce. I believe though that it depends on each person. However, I think these marriages are more successful than arranged ones. I am definitely with love marriages.
- Mohammad Ali
Dubai

I think it depends on the people. I am with love marriages and I am currently in a relationship. I believe love marriages' chances of success are higher than arranged ones, because in the end you get married to a person you love and understand.
- Mohammad Arif
Abu Dhabi

Marital success or failure cannot be attributed to the form of marriage. Both have their shares of plus and minus. Conjugal discord may emerge in all marriages. However, the issues causing it could be different. Mutual commitments, expectations are not always the same in love and arranged marriages. However, love-cum-arranged marriage, which is a mere coincidence, is the best in the business.
- Subhasis Mukherjee
Dubai, Via email

I think rates of divorce in an arranged marriage are high. Because in a love marriage you know each other before getting serious and you form an understanding, which is not the case in arranged
marriages.
- Sijo Gomez
Sharjah