How Dubai mums help kids rise stronger after sports team rejection: ‘It’s not about medals’

If there was something that stressed me out more than math at 13, it was football tryouts. I remember the entire pep talk from home to school, my mother telling me not to worry if I didn’t make it to the team.

"You keep learning, that’s all that matters,” she said, as I nervously admired my classmates already ‘bending’ the ball, and shooting goals from the mid-field.

It was the fear of rejection that worried me back, then. What would people say, if I didn’t make it to the school team?

Well, I really needn’t have feared: Our school had an unusual way of doing tryouts, and we just kept showing up to play football, and if you were good, well you played in the team. I gave up the dreams of being a striker, and realised that I was getting better at defending the goal, instead.

But I also know the disappointment of being a ‘substitute’, and just waiting on the benches, thinking that I wasn’t good enough. And that, was only because my classmates were around.

It isn’t an uncommon story. Playing sports as a child, making it into a team and wearing that badge with pride, or slinking back into the classroom, while everyone knew that you didn’t make it. The disappointment can be searing.

Sports should not be played for just a medal

And if it’s hard for children, it’s just as hard for the parents watching from the sidelines. Dubai mum, Richa Arun Gupta, explains that being a parent to children, who want to be a part of a team, puts pressure on them directly. “Children face a lot of pressure in today’s time — studies, sports, arts — and you know, every parent wants their kid to be a star. So, we also end up putting pressure on them unknowingly,” she says.

Explaining her story, she says that her eight-year-old daughter had been trying to get into the swimming squad, but wasn’t able to. “We kept wondering why. We used to tell her: keep trying, do your best, stay focused, and maintain a competitive spirit,” adds Gupta.  But the real issue was that at school, there was no one to train her properly or give her a chance to participate in competitions. “It wasn't until we found a trainer outside of school that things started to change.”

A child gets disheartened, but as a parent, you feel equally disheartened. “You invest your time and money into their practice sessions, which can be really exhausting at times. What I learned is that the best thing to do is encourage your child to focus on self-growth,” she says.

Her lessons: Don’t compare them to their classmates. Help them create their own growth path, correct their own mistakes, and climb their own ladder. Eventually, they will get there. “I told my daughter that getting into the school team is not the ultimate goal. The goal is to learn the sport so well that people can’t help but notice you. Every small step forward is progress. Sport should not be played just for a medal but as a way to build a healthy and strong lifestyle,” explains Gupta.

When children feel demotivated, another helpful approach for parents is to learn the basics of the sport ourselves. “That way, we can guide and support them more effectively.”

 Nevertheless, Gupta’s daughter made it to the squad team. “But for us, this is no longer about achieving a target. It is simply motivation to do better than before and to keep moving ahead. Being in the school team is just a platform that offers a little extra push. It is not the final destination,” she says.

So now they tell her: give it your best, whether you are on the team or not.

A common sadness

Jazz Ferguson, a professional basketball player and mental performance coach tries to break it down on why it’s such a common feeling. “Children typically try out for a sport for a few different reasons. For example, they  have a genuine interest in the sport, their peers are involved in the sport, encouragement or  pressure from parents to do so, or they have a natural competitive spirit and want to be challenged.”

When they don’t make it to a team, they’re crushed. There’s a feeling of failure and feeling unwanted. “Children are sensitive, as are most adults when they feel they have let themselves or someone close to them down. Therefore, the feeling of disappointment is very common and very natural,” he says.

The first responses

You will see frustration and even anger. Ferguson looks back at his own experience. As a pre-teen he was unable to try out for a team until he was 13. And not being able to make the team, or even try was disheartening because he loved the sport. “However, being excluded from something is an emotional obstacle that can be a great teaching moment for kids to build resilience. It’s important to respond in an uplifting way and not to be critical of how a child handles feeling rejected. We do not want to imply that their  emotional response is wrong or invalid,” he explains.

Nevertheless, keep in mind, that a child’s self-esteem gets further fractured by repeated experiences of not making the team. And so, it’s important to manage their expectations in competitive environments, so they understand things might not always go their way. Here, parents can help craft a mindset that teaches them what competition means, and how to avoid the feeling of being let down.

Coping, working together

Sarrah Khilawala, mum of a netball player who didn’t make it to the basketball team, emphasises that she never tells her children that they ‘must’ be a part of a team. “It’s about enjoying the sport or being active, and doing what they do. The times they don’t make it, I tell them that there will be something else, or they can work on it, and there could be a chance next year,” she says, adding that schools are filled with extra-curricular activities: There will always be something else.

‘One sibling got in, and the other didn’t’

Sibling rivalries can make the rejection feel even sharper — as Dubai-based Sharika Desai discovered. One made it to the basketball team, and the other didn’t. “He felt even more deflated and upset that his brother did, and we realised that we had to step in, to prevent these aggressive hostile fights. We just talked him down gently, and diverted his attention to other activities, that he might like, or that he could be good at,” she says.

Helping children build resilience

So how can parents actually help? Ferguson offers practical insight:

“First by having empathy with the child. Help them understand that rejection is an aspect of life that we all have to deal with. Then, provide active solutions — show them how being rejected can be used as a valuable lesson to change their approach, build better habits, and understand that success must be earned. While rejection is a harsh reality, it’s also a valuable lesson.”

For younger children (under 10), Ferguson suggests keeping sports about fun and participation. “At that stage, the focus is on activity and teamwork — not competition. Most teams try to include every kid.”

For older children, the environment changes. It’s about competition, skill, and even politics come into play. Here, parents need to explain realistically what holds the most value in sports. “This mindset later translates well into performance-driven fields, including work.”

Talking it through — and leading by example

After a disappointment, the tone of the conversation matters, says Ferguson.

“Sports is such an emotional roller coaster. Parents sometimes become more invested than their children and let their own emotions control the dialogue. Disappointment should be seen as an opportunity to develop resilience — it builds character and tests a child’s spirit.”

He adds that communication should reassure children that it’s okay to feel disappointed, but not broken. “They should be allowed to process the experience and move on. Learning to win or lose graciously, being coachable, and showing good sportsmanship — these are what truly matter.”

And parents, he says, must model healthy coping themselves. “Your reactions are foundational to your child’s approach. Listen, be present, and don’t carry your child’s disappointment as your own. Always hold space for them — there will be many wins and losses along the journey.”