‘My competitive drive became unhealthy’

Dubai

During my childhood years, I spent hours poring over textbooks made for two or three grades above my level. For my high school entrance exam, I was enrolled in a coaching college that posted exam rankings of students on the door each day.

I had a happy childhood, but was always painfully aware that academics were the measure of my parents’ pride in me. If I came first in my class in a test, or got full marks in an assignment, I would be so excited to see my father’s beaming reaction. Anything less, and I would have a pit in my stomach when I had to break the news of my perceived ‘failure’ at the dinner table.

Overall, I was a model student, and made sure my parents never had reason to be disappointed in my marks.

Exam stress was a huge factor in all of this. I found that it motivated me, I thrived on the stress. But it also consumed me, and my competitive drive became unhealthy.

Once my parents saw the anxiety-induced breakdowns over marks and assignments, they quickly changed their tune. Realising they’d gone overboard, they attempted to calm me down, and reverse the ideas they’d imparted. It was much too late. I continued to use stress as a motivator, and apply pressure to myself, determined to prove to myself that I could be a successful overachiever.

If stress is a motivator, it is a debilitating one. It might provide a shot of adrenalin, but it blocks creativity. I would credit the nuanced and diverse education I received in slowly changing my mindset.

My teachers recommended meditation and mindfulness, and encouraged us to appreciate the journey of learning. Once I reached the end of high school, I knew that exams did not define me.

I truly believe that many parents push their kids too hard, that society as a whole pushes kids too hard, and children today are pushing themselves too hard.

Learning and education are such a privilege, we should enjoy it as much as we can. The freedom to learn is something that so many live without; it’s entirely backwards that we should make it such an unenjoyable burden on young people.

If I could live my youth over, I would try develop deeper interests in areas I was truly passionate about.

The proliferation of anxiety and depression is triggered by many factors in our generation, and exam stress can be a large trigger for a society driven by a desire to be the best.

Alison Xiao is an intern with Gulf News. She lives in Sydney, Australia.

My tips for students

- Meditate

- Find an activity that you really enjoy

- Be creative

- Stay organised, create a routine

- Don’t define self-esteem with academics