Newer horizons

We have come to a stage in evolution where retirement is no longer only men's coming-of-age. Women face retirement too. But retiring from a job does not mean being less able to contribute to society. Suchitra Bajpai Chaudhary meets women for whom retirement is just another pothole in the road

For 35 years, what I could remember of aunty Margaret V. was her upright walk as she stepped out of her home every morning, looking smart and sharp in her starched nurse's uniform. For all the years she worked as the head matron at the city municipal hospital, she never took a single day's sick leave.

A young widow with three children, responsibilities fell very early on her shoulders, but she did not know what it was to flinch. She completed her nurse's training, even as her children were getting out of diapers. She joined the hospital as a trainee nurse.

As her neighbour and a friend of her daughter Anita, I always felt a sense of pride watching her keep her life goals in the crosshairs at all times. Somewhere during those years, I too wanted to grow up to be a nurse like her.

Her persona and voice inspired discipline in the most stubborn of patients and unruly ward boys.

And then one day, it happened. The thing she truly was not looking forward to. The day of retirement. She was 62. She had already put in four years of extended service but even that had come to an end.

I recall that day clearly. She returned home at dusk, laden with gifts and a bag full of farewell cards and unlike her usual self who would come out to wish her neighbours over an evening cuppa, Margaret went and locked herself in her room.

Her elder daughters were already away from home, studying at universities and it was thus left to Anita to comfort her mother who seemed too distraught and shell-shocked to handle the situation.

Many days when I would visit her she would be sitting in her garden, in a rocking chair, her right hand counting the beads of the rosary as her lips moved imperceptibly and her eyes seemed to search for something in the distance beyond her.

It was difficult for me to watch this image of Margaret aunty, and reconcile to the fact that the ever-sharp, bustling, straight-backed nurse had turned into this quiet, defeated woman who seemed to have no strength to bring life into the crosshairs once again.

Two years later, the woman who had nursed hundreds back to health and never called in sick even for a day was rushed to the hospital as a stroke paralysed the right side of her body.

Two years after she was hospitalised, she died quietly and sadly.

* * *

Margaret V. could well be a symbol of what happens when the mind does not prepare itself for the changes in autumn years.

Retirement, whether in its traditional sense or its modern version, is an inevitability. Routine, habits, activities, responsibilities, self-definition ... all these undergo a revision. But it is only a revision, not the end of the story ... and yet ...

Since it is no longer the kind of world where only men retire after long years of service as their spouses mentally gear up for a fundamental change in their own lives, we have to look at the new phenomenon - women being registered in the no-longer-for men-only club called retirees.

Of course, many women today refuse to use the R word. Life does not stop, whether you are a career woman or not, so why should a finite chronological worklife in a certain company or organisation make you feel it is the end of the world?

In a survey conducted by www.womansage.org, a website dedicated to women's retirement, it was revealed that nearly 36 per cent of the women interviewed wanted to work part time, while 27 per cent did not intend to retire at all! This meant that only 37 per cent really thought of retirement as a natural culmination of their workdays.

Psychologists the world over believe that women, irrespective of regional or cultural background, view retirement as an emotional issue rather than a biological one. For them, it is intricately linked to their sense of identity.

Quite often a woman defines her sense of self-worth by what she does outside the four walls of her house. It is what she has achieved in the outside world in terms of financial independence, how many rungs of the corporate ladder she has climbed and the reputation she has built for herself among her colleagues that form the stencil of her personality.

Experts also believe that this 'skewed' association of personality and profession stems from the fact that women, as compared to men, are fairly new (in terms of evolution time keeping) to the role of being breadwinners of the family and therefore, take their newfound work status quite seriously.

Economic independence has largely been responsible for changing the equation between women of today and women of three or four generations ago. It has not only given them the confidence to decide what the shape of the dinner table should be, they also know what they can bring to it.

Decades of enjoying such empowerment has made it natural for women to view the years when they don't get up and go to work and take decisions and multitask as the drainaway years, where all they had been shoring up has suddenly started to spring a leak.

The lack of a regular pay cheque is many times hitched, like horse and carriage, to a loss of social status.

For women who did not opt for a career, the transition was of a different kind. Perhaps some would say, not so traumatic.

With the family expanding, kids growing up to be adults falling in love, getting married and bringing in the third generation, the homekeepers only had to draw back a little, adjust the focus to accommodate a larger picture and many more family faces in their lives.

But for women who had to live life changing from power suits to evening corporate party wear to a time when all these clothes had to be put away in a smart LV suitcase, the transition is not that easy.

Retirement, as they say, has its benefits - you can stop looking at the clock during a Saturday night party, but what are its drawbacks?

Friday asks a few women about their views on retirement.

Carole Talbot
Among the many things that Carole Talbot does, the most important is to motivate and help people plan their careers.
She is a trained Neuro Linguistic Programmer (NLP), does Time Line Therapy(r), hypnosis, is a Master Firewalk Instructor and author of Hitting The Wall...and Breaking Through, a book about taking a leap of faith in life.

As a human performance consultant, Talbot's programmes help people find their calling and realise their potential. In her dictionary, the word retire does not exist.

"I hear people talk of things they will do, the places they will visit, the dream home they will buy - all when they retire. My question to them would be, 'What prevents you from having all of that right now?"

Talbot does not earmark any such time for herself because she does not consider what she does as a mere job. She is inspired by what she does and enjoys it and cannot think of giving it all up one day in the name of 'retirement'.

"Personally, the growth, challenge, freedom and opportunities my profession has given me - I love it all. I travel frequently, meet interesting people and learn so much from the delegates attending our programmes, so I therefore find it difficult to call it 'work!'

"Many women today are also realising that they can earn an income from what they enjoy doing and create a more fulfilling lifestyle. This new lifestyle does not necessitate an abrupt halt at the age of 60 or 65."

Talbot's personal icon of womanhood is her mother who has taken her transition very smoothly.

"My mother, Betty, is a wonderful example of living life to the full! She is 77, lives between Spain and the UK, looks absolutely fantastic, is well read, often drives back to the UK, has three boisterous dogs that need regular walks and has a very active social life!

"Most of her friends who are of her age, however, have simply retired from life. They no longer drive, lack the confidence to get on a plane to visit her and go to bed early!

"Since I 'work' in the field of personal development and strongly believe in 'walking my talk', it has defined the type of person I am, shaped my values and beliefs and how I relate to others.

"It has led me to question, examine and explore all areas of my life - the good, the bad and the ugly - which in turn, has led me to walk a much more purposeful and rewarding path, which I believe will continue long after the usual 'retirement' age."

Ann Polglase
As a director of her organisation, Ann Polglase takes pride in running her human resource consultancy, People Plus. When she takes time off, she is busy sailing and doing all that she had not planned on doing when she was younger.

She is having the best time of her life and does not see why the idea of retirement should dampen it all.

"For me, the word 'retirement' is not even a flicker on my radar. Although for most women who have just turned 50, it would be something they start thinking about. This is actually the busiest time of my life.

"My girls, 25 and 21, are both studying in the UK. So I am free for the first time in many years to pursue my own dreams. In fact, we often would joke at home that once the girls went off to university, Mummy would become the main breadwinner and Daddy would take things a bit easier, and that is certainly what has happened!

"For me, there was no 'identity crisis'. In fact quite the opposite! My life has almost been planned decade by decade (obviously not always on target!) but I am living the life I want and am exactly where I want to be right now."

However, Polglase does feel that the key to a well-organised future is the plan one draws up for oneself early on in life.

"I would recommend that all women think about their personal future even when they are younger because sooner or later, once the little ones have flown the nest, unlike our partners, we are left to make a new life and it is much easier to begin to do that before it becomes reality.

"If not, then the inevitable retirement does turn into an ugly word and a time of life with no fulfilment or personal satisfaction, apart from playing with your grandchildren."

For Polglase, this has been the most productive period of her life when she has been able to do many of the things she always wanted to in life.

"I think the fact that I am fitter than I have ever been and thus able to take on personal challenges which are exciting (I recently sailed from Thailand to Oman in 30 days) is why
I look forward to a long life full of surprises.

"These days, no one really needs to think of retirement as the inevitable; people of all ages have something to offer and can continually update their skills and learn new ones too. People feel that they cannot learn 'new tricks' and that leads to a certain kind of mental obsolescence and lack of vibrancy.

"Having said that, the idea of gradually retiring is an attractive one, to be able to choose when to work and when to play and the latter definitely figures high on my near future agenda.

"But having helped set up People Plus, a leadership development consultancy, in Dubai in 2004, my life is very hectic and although I do take several holidays throughout the year, I am still very committed to my career and learning something new each day.

"I think that because I am basically a 'people' person, my work and my life are inextricably linked and I like it
that way."

Polglase thinks the energy of a place can often inspire you to push your limits of endurance and do the impossible.

"Dubai is a place of opportunity and for women with skills and confidence, it is (a place where) dreams are made. A friend of my eldest daughter who was staying with us over the New Year said, 'I feel like I can achieve anything here.'

"And that is exactly right, whatever your age."

For 35 years, what I could remember of aunty Margaret V. was her upright walk as she stepped out of her home every morning, looking smart and sharp in her starched nurse's uniform. For all the years she worked as the head matron at the city municipal hospital, she never took a single day's sick leave.

A young widow with three children, responsibilities fell very early on her shoulders, but she did not know what it was to flinch. She completed her nurse's training, even as her children were getting out of diapers. She joined the hospital as a trainee nurse.

As her neighbour and a friend of her daughter Anita, I always felt a sense of pride watching her keep her life goals in the crosshairs at all times. Somewhere during those years, I too wanted to grow up to be a nurse like her.

Her persona and voice inspired discipline in the most stubborn of patients and unruly ward boys.

And then one day, it happened. The thing she truly was not looking forward to. The day of retirement. She was 62. She had already put in four years of extended service but even that had come to an end.

I recall that day clearly. She returned home at dusk, laden with gifts and a bag full of farewell cards and unlike her usual self who would come out to wish her neighbours over an evening cuppa, Margaret went and locked herself in her room.

Her elder daughters were already away from home, studying at universities and it was thus left to Anita to comfort her mother who seemed too distraught and shell-shocked to handle the situation.

Many days when I would visit her she would be sitting in her garden, in a rocking chair, her right hand counting the beads of the rosary as her lips moved imperceptibly and her eyes seemed to search for something in the distance beyond her.

It was difficult for me to watch this image of Margaret aunty, and reconcile to the fact that the ever-sharp, bustling, straight-backed nurse had turned into this quiet, defeated woman who seemed to have no strength to bring life into the crosshairs once again.

Two years later, the woman who had nursed hundreds back to health and never called in sick even for a day was rushed to the hospital as a stroke paralysed the right side of her body.

Two years after she was hospitalised, she died quietly and sadly.

Margaret V. could well be a symbol of what happens when the mind does not prepare itself for the changes in autumn years.

Retirement, whether in its traditional sense or its modern version, is an inevitability. Routine, habits, activities, responsibilities, self-definition ... all these undergo a revision. But it is only a revision, not the end of the story ... and yet ...

Since it is no longer the kind of world where only men retire after long years of service as their spouses mentally gear up for a fundamental change in their own lives, we have to look at the new phenomenon - women being registered in the no-longer-for men-only club called retirees.

Of course, many women today refuse to use the R word. Life does not stop, whether you are a career woman or not, so why should a finite chronological worklife in a certain company or organisation make you feel it is the end of the world?

In a survey conducted by www.womansage.org, a website dedicated to women's retirement, it was revealed that nearly 36 per cent of the women interviewed wanted to work part time, while 27 per cent did not intend to retire at all!

This meant that only 37 per cent really thought of retirement as a natural culmination of their workdays.

Psychologists the world over believe that women, irrespective of regional or cultural background, view retirement as an emotional issue rather than a biological one. For them, it is intricately linked to their sense of identity.

Quite often a woman defines her sense of self-worth by what she does outside the four walls of her house.

It is what she has achieved in the outside world in terms of financial independence, how many rungs of the corporate ladder she has climbed and the reputation she has built for herself among her colleagues that form the stencil of her personality.

Experts also believe that this 'skewed' association of personality and profession stems from the fact that women, as compared to men, are fairly new (in terms of evolution time keeping) to the role of being breadwinners of the family and therefore, take their newfound work status quite seriously.

Economic independence has largely been responsible for changing the equation between women of today and women of three or four generations ago. It has not only given them the confidence to decide what the shape of the dinner table should be, they also know what they can bring to it.

Decades of enjoying such empowerment has made it natural for women to view the years when they don't get up and go to work and take decisions and multitask as the drainaway years, where all they had been shoring up has suddenly started to spring a leak.

The lack of a regular pay cheque is many times hitched, like horse and carriage, to a loss of social status.

For women who did not opt for a career, the transition was of a different kind. Perhaps some would say, not so traumatic.

With the family expanding, kids growing up to be adults falling in love, getting married and bringing in the third generation, the homekeepers only had to draw back a little, adjust the focus to accommodate a larger picture and many more family faces in their lives.

But for women who had to live life changing from power suits to evening corporate party wear to a time when all these clothes had to be put away in a smart LV suitcase, the transition is not that easy.

Retirement, as they say, has its benefits - you can stop looking at the clock during a Saturday night party, but what are its drawbacks?