The stress of relocation

Ancy was in tears. It was a week since she and her family – husband Mathew and children Ronin, four, and two-year-old Neeta – had moved from Chennai, India, to Oman’s capital Muscat, where Mathew had landed a plum job. Ancy was suffering from splitting headaches, backache, lethargy and an awful sense of having lost everything. ‘It wasn’t just homesickness,’ says the 31-year-old homemaker. ‘I’d only been gone a matter of days but already I was missing my parents and friends, I was overwhelmed with anxiety and what was veering on depression.

Ancy wasn’t aware at the time but she had fallen victim to a little-known, yet prevalent condition known as Relocation Stress Meltdown (RSMx) a term that was coined by Transition Management Group, which is a Swiss-based international network of management companies.

According to experts, thousands of expatriates around the world – particularly in the Gulf region because it has a large expat population – could be having this condition. Defined as physiological or psychological disturbances following transfer from one environment to another, RSMx is now a condition that many HR professionals admit is important to consider during the recruiting and transferring process.

The physical signs of relocation stress can include backaches, headaches, stomach aches, high blood pressure and a lowered immunity.

Some people may feel irritable or impatient. Others may become moody, depressed, or withdrawn. They may have nightmares, cry frequently, or experience feelings of panic. RSMx can also show up in a wide range of behavioural symptoms. These can include nail biting, grinding or gnashing teeth, or abusing medication drugs. It can also lead to absenteeism, tardiness, or an inability to focus on easy tasks at work.

Five months later, Ancy has settled in to her new home and established a set of friends, but she still remembers the stress and grief she underwent just before leaving home and after moving to a new place.

‘My husband was a strong pillar of support,’ she tells Friday. ‘It was he who helped me through by talking to me and comforting me and telling me I would feel better soon.

About 232 million people live outside their country of origin – that’s 3.2 per cent of the world’s population, just less than half the population of the European Union.

Indeed, if ‘Ex Patria’ were a country in its own right, it would be the fifth most populous nation on earth and a top-40 economy. The reasons for moving away from one’s homeland are many and diverse but top of the list is seeking a better way of life for one’s family financially.

However, for some, such seemingly golden opportunities represent a threat to their mental health and well-being.

‘Relocating is stressful for anybody, even if the move represents a positive change,’ she says. ‘Largely this is because uprooting yourself from familiar places and people is never easy, and the challenges of adjusting to a new locale are many. How will you find your way around? How will you make friends?

‘Will you lose all the friends you made in your former home? On top of that, you may have second thoughts – did I really make the right decision? What if I’m miserable here?

In extreme cases RMSx can also lead to a person quitting his job and returning to his home town. In fact, Transition Management Group suggests companies would benefit if they kept in mind that RMSx could be a reason behind a huge employee turnover rate. This is particularly true if the company is a multinational one and employs expats.

A study the group conducted into how 5,400 people from 12 companies reacted to relocating showed that employees who transferred were four times as likely to leave their companies than employees who hadn’t been moved. ‘Those who were forced to relocate quit their jobs within a few years if they had not planned for the upheaval,’ says Donna Malinak, a partner in Transition Management.

‘It mostly has to do with an unhappy family that feels like a victim in the relocation process and is unable to assimilate into the new location. In other words, an unhappy family leads to an unhappy employee who blames the company, and leaves.’

American writer Sarah Guthrie was a victim of RSMx. The emotions she experienced when relocating from California to Kansas City after she landed a better job, equated to grief. ‘Some people react to moving with excitement,’ says Sarah, who had a six-month-old baby girl and toddler son when she moved.

‘A friend, whose husband was in the foreign service, says when she learned they were moving, she would put on her dancing shoes and get busy. I reacted with sleepless nights, tears and tension headaches. I didn’t know about RSMx. I thought I was nuts.

‘I was a grown woman who had moved across the country; as a writer I’d faced hostile reporters during press conferences and chosen to give birth without anaesthesia... So I didn’t expect to disintegrate when the movers arrived, but I did. Two burly men came to the door and I burst into tears. They just looked at each other and went back to the truck.’

Desperate for answers and coping strategies, Sarah turned to experts at the Grief Recovery Institute in Los Angeles, whose research helped validate her feelings about moving.

‘One of the most overlooked and powerful grieving experiences is moving – whether the move is good or bad, or the reasons are positive or negative – I was told,’ she says.

Sarah, who learned more about her condition through working with the institute, says the stress associated with moving can be mild or severe.

‘Some people enjoy their new jobs or friends so much that they experience only minor symptoms of stress during a move. In other cases, the stress can be severe enough that experts consider it equal to that of a divorce or death in the family,’ she says.

By following many of the tips suggested by the experts – not trying to recreate the old in the new environment, being more open and optimistic, trying to look at the good things in the new place instead of moping about what she left behind, among other things – Sarah was able to cope with her new environment.

The Grief Recovery Handbook (HarperCollins) defines grief as ‘the conflicting feelings caused by a change or an end in a familiar pattern of behaviour involved’.

Bill Schroer, head of a US marketing and research company, was another who had severe problems when relocating. He left Michigan for Florida and soon realised he was suffering from RSMx.

‘Having relocated, I find moving meant more than physically relocating,’ he says.

‘Leaving really good friends – which you can never have enough of – and colleagues I have worked with for years, is harder than it looks. The sense of isolation made me feel like I was leaving for Mars, not Florida. As I packed the car, I realised the sense of dread was not only palpable... it was grieving. It reminded me of putting my ailing, wonderful German Shepherd, Phelan, down. It had to be done but you don’t have to like it and it’s going to affect you more than you realise.’

Although it took Bill a few months to come to terms with his change, he says he now has a few suggestions to help others with the stress of relocating: ‘Move quickly. Don’t drag it out – get it over with.

‘Conserve cash. This could come in handy if, for example, you want to move house if your new surroundings are not to your liking.

‘Seek help. The first step is acknowledging everything is not OK. Moving for most people is more traumatic than anticipated.

‘Be ready for good things. It is a good, albeit scary, feeling. In the end, it was something I had to do. And you don’t have to pretend it doesn’t affect you. Some things take time and need to be grieved over and, eventually, be celebrated.’

Dr Stirling has a few more strategies for coping with the change and making life easier. ‘For one, think positive,’ she says. ‘One of the greatest rewards of moving is the fact that it represents new beginnings and new excitement – a fresh landscape, new people to meet, perhaps a new and better job. If you keep that in mind, you can overcome a lot of negative feelings about the changes.

‘To make new friends, sign up with social groups that share your hobbies; join a new language class... These offer easy and immediate opportunities to connect with new people.’

The transition may not be easy, but taking simple steps could make settling into a new place smoother.