The ceremony at dawn

Hollywood doesn't like piracy. That was made quite clear at the Oscars with at least four references.

More than the political digs and the Jew jokes the references ranged from the "great cinematic experience of watching a movie with strangers in a movie-hall" to "illegally downloading Ludicris songs off the internet".

It's not easy waking up at 4 in the morning. Especially when the incentive is to watch a bunch of decent actors put on their worst performances live as they collect their statuettes and thank everyone they've met on their way up before they're asked to step down from the stage.

Host Jon Stewart ran through the show without too much trouble. There was none of last year's Jude Law type direct assault and the under-60 second acceptance speech rule mercifully meant a shorter show and less histrionics.

Clooney at his best

Sexy boy turned Oscar winner George Clooney mouthed at the cameras not to focus on him while Stewart sang praises to him picking up three nominations and when he sprinted up the stage to collect his best supporting actor award from a predictably pale Nicole Kidman in ivory.

He read our minds when he said: "All right, so I'm not winning director."

Clooney's trademark cynicism and disdain for all things silly was at its best on the red carpet, when asked whether he was wearing Armani or Gucci he quipped: "I like both Armani and Gucci - does it matter?"

Flawless

Armani dressed up the flawlessly complexioned Ziyi Zhang in a black scalloped seashell-shaped lace bustier with jet beading, worn with a grey Swarovski crystal encrusted full crinoline skirt.

Accessorised with a simple black beaded necklace and stud earrings she was one of the stars that managed to attract attention and look elegant.

Another graceful turnout was best supporting actress winner Rachel Weisz, who hid her heavily pregnant state in a lovely black silk embroidered empire gown and heels by Narciso Rodriguez and wore earrings and a ring by Chopard.

Glowing

Most opted for traditional neutral colours though there were some splashes of bold hues such as an aquamarine Versace dress that was beautifully carried off by Salma Hayek or the canary yellow Vera Wang dress and Harry Winston jewels that Best Actress nominee Michelle Williams glowed in.

Vera Wang's one-shouldered number for Keira Knightley helped her walk down the carpet with ease and won her a thumbs-up from numerous fashion critics, however the young nominee lacked the attitude that makes all the difference between a made-up celebrity and a real star. And her peacock-feather inspired necklace didn't help.

The real thing

Showing how it's done were Queen Latifah and Meryl Streep. The veteran actress and Oscar darling, Streep surprised many with her choice of a plunging V-neck gown with long sleeves that she wore with dangling earrings.

Along with Lily Tomlin, she parodied veteran director Robert Altman's style of allowing dialogue to overlap before he was honoured with a lifetime achievement award. The 81-year old director is an icon in Hollywood with five Oscar nominations in his career and no wins.

Queen Latifah's black strapless gown that had a full skirt with layers of ruffles stood her well as she announced the winner of the best song, It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp from Hustle and Flow.

Surprising many by its nomination and subsequent win, Three 6 Mafia picked up their statuettes from Latifah.

Inappropriately dressed - only by Oscar standards - the group brought the only moment of spontaneity to the show and created an almost MTV-award moment.

Waddling into fame

Also making sure to head into the top 3 Oscar moments were the guys from The March of the Penguins that waddled away with Best Documentary.

The French team took up stuffed penguins and commented that the presence of so many tuxedos in the audience made them feel like they were watching the film again.

The parodies were aplenty particularly with references to the lobbying that goes on behind the scenes.

Best actress winner Reese Witherspoon couldn't help but giggle profusely at the parody of her projecting her squeaky clean all-American image that qualified her to win above two British nominees and one South-African/American.

Tiny but vintage

Dressed in a vintage Dior, the tiny actress's hair, choice of simple accessories and healthy look took away the attention from a full skirt that was Fifties style and a tad heavy for the frail Witherspoon.

Christian Dior's dress for former Oscar-winner Charlize Theron didn't work as well particularly with that big bow weighing heavily on her shoulders.

However, she was still a distant second as the worst dressed title had to go to Helena Bonham-Carter and her appalling hairstyle and white shoes.

Big winners

The winners were not a surprise, according to well-informed sources, who claim to have watched all the films. Winning best director does not automatically translate into a best film win.

Ang Lee's best director win wasn't as sweet as the Crash team walked away with best film, kind of like the 1998 ceremony when Steven

Spielberg was honoured with a best director for Saving Private Ryan, but Shakespeare in Love was judged the better film.

Hollywood clearly has different parameters to decide winners in each category and considering this part of the world is still undecided about releasing Lee's Brokeback Mountain, most of us are probably going to give Lee's countrymen a ring for a pirated DVD of the film.

Hollywood, I assure you, won't be pleased.