On the wings of a camel

"With God's will and God's help, we are going to break the record!" screamed the excitable Lebanese co-host, Razan Moghrabi.

Sadly, it was not to be.

By 5 o'clock, the 30 colourful flying machines neatly lined up on the cornice at lunchtime were mangled flotsam on the water's edge - and the contrast between expectation and their performance was just as dramatic.

"A week ago everybody I spoke to said they were going to win," said Jim Griffith, 1st Red Bull Flugtag UAE's safety and technical advisor.

In the event, none of the 30 planes came remotely near the 57.4-metre record.

Ironically, the contraptions given the most time and thought fared worst of all.

Victory was eventually snatched by a team that seemed to have spent most of the months of preparation in a bar.

"It's a bit of a debacle, but as far as I am aware we are in the lead," said Andy Boylan, almost apologetically, as the final handful of planes followed his winning Cre8tive 1 into the water.

So, all said, the flugtag made for a very satisfactory afternoon?s entertainment for an enthusiastic multi-ethnic crowd.

The only real glitch was a howlingly overamped co-host who is to a microphone what Pavarotti is to a string bikini.

But, bless her, she was having so much fun ("I'm so happy and excited!") it was almost cruel to hate her. At least initially.

A police helicopter put the crowd at 32,000 (Razan?s estimate: 50 million). Families crammed along the Creek's banks and children climbed palms to get a better view.

Next to the ramp were the privileged enclosures where the media and VIPs enjoyed the only seating and a buffet.

Oddly, while Razan repeatedly exhorted the crowd to join her in screaming for the VIPs, the crowd showed no great enthusiasm.

Personally, I would also have dedicated at least one banshee yell to the bouncers guarding the media and VIP corrals.

Their confrontations with regional media girls occasionally had the epic dimension of a WWF pre-match standoff (though less confrontational blaggers bypassed the wall of gristle by trekking along the beach into the VIP enclosure).

But from wherever you blagged your way, the competitors delivered.

As Tolstoy would have put it, while each successful flight is the same, each unsuccessful flight is unsuccessful in its own way.

The pleasure and surprise was in the startling variety of ways the machines failed to fly.

If I had to single out any for team for special mention, it would probably be Victory.

Rumour said over Dh40,000 of space-age materials had gone into their plane.

It had, they said, even been tested in a wind tunnel. And all this effort nosedived delightfully into the drink because someone forgot to untie the rope connecting the plane to the launch platform.

I would be unpatriotic if I failed to also mention my fellow Brits of Bowing Three Eighty.

Theirs was the only plane to actually get minus points for distance by cartwheeling off the side of the ramp.

"We are all feeling ashamed," team-leader Mike Pickup told the crowd.

And it was often difficult - at least from the view of an impractical and profoundly risk-averse hack - to see what was in it for the actual participants.

Even after the contest had started many were still tweaking their machines, their enthusiasm undimmed by the prospect of their work shortly being reduced to flinders.

Not to mention, at least for the pilots, having to join in its 6-metre plunge into the Creek.

Joking around

"I have a future, he doesn't," joked a member of Drago Fly, nodding in the direction of their nominated flyer.

"I haven't a clue what is going to happen," said the pilot of the Flying Stones.

"We've worked out there is a five-second lapse between the start and jumping off the end. In five seconds I won't have time to panic."

The pilot of the winning Cre8tive 1 found another solution.

"Didn't open me eyes, mate," he said, although a team-mate swiftly told him not to ruin the intended image of "a brave British tommy".

But, in truth, the nation that seemed to respond warmest to the Flugtag's combo of limb-risking danger and engineering challenge was South Africa.

"If ever there were a nation ready to do stupid things then this is it," said Wayne Gadd of Top Gun, an elaborate, hi-tech biplane that plummeted vertically into the drink.

There was also an impressive participation from UAE nationals.

Among them were the members of Top Fuel, who approached the challenge by ignoring elaborate solutions and only using materials they could source in local stores.

It was a smart move. Gusty conditions sabotaged the most serious attempts at the distance record.

Heavier novelty planes, on the other hand, did unexpectedly well.

"The winds were far in excess of what some planes were designed for," said Jim Griffith.

"The non-aerodynamic ones performed far better than they should have done."

Thankfully, amid the carnage wreaked on carefully-constructed designs, human injuries were slight.

Only two contestants were spotted on stretchers ? and neither was seriously hurt, apparently.

At times, this seemed almost miraculous - especially when one loony ran along the ramp and dive-bombed into the water in which were floating his team-mates and the aluminium frame of his plane.

Still, with the probable exception of apoplectic health and safety officers, a great time was had by all.

Thanks participants - you are slightly mad but also highly entertaining. In the timeless words of Razan: "The groups! The teams! Wave... to the people! You are the stars!"