Novelty Items

The news that the Dubai Municipality will be giving names to city streets brought great joy to this household where, until recently, a stereotypical telephone conversation inviting friends round for dinner went a little like this:

'Come along Al Wasl Road, towards the centre, or if you're in the centre, then away from it. Now, when you reach the garage...no, I don't know which garage, just a garage... then turn left.

Is it the first turning before or after the garage? I don't remember. Anyway, when you see the garage think about turning left along Al-Urouba. Do you know it? No, well no one knows that that's what it's called, but that is what's it's called, so look out for the name.

'From there, turn left, then right, then right, then follow the road around to the second corner, or the far corner, or the corner on the diagonal, if you prefer. Look for two large satellite dishes - yes, okay, everyone has satellite dishes but our villa is identical to the other 19 squat villas in the area, so that's all I can give you - and we're No 3, or No 20, depending on how the bougainvillea is growing.

The road number? Well, I think it's No 3 too. No, not 32. Three. Same as the house. 'Outside there'll be a couple of cats meandering around. Maybe one or two, but don't count on that. No, not strays. Our cats. Or maybe they will be strays. I mean, there are strays everywhere. So forget that.

There should be a small purple car in the drive and maybe I'll tie a flag to the door... no, I can't draw you a map. I could draw you a map, I suppose, but then you'd only be more confused than you obviously are already.

So just trust me. Do as I say and you'll get here okay. 'What's that? You think you might come along the Beach Road. Fine. If you do, turn right at Choithram's supermarket.

Which Choithram's? Well, I don't know which one. It doesn't have any distinguishing feature. It's near the traffic lights... where you can turn away from the beach.

No, I don't know what the beach is called. I don't think it has a name. Oh, maybe it does, but I don't know what it's called, so... 'Anyway, if you come that way, turn right, then turn right again onto a sandy track.

No, you won't need a four-wheel drive for that, not unless it's rained, but I pray it won't rain because if it does, we'll have to cancel the dinner. Why? Well, it's a barbecue.

'Yes, just take the dirt road and I'll come and stand on the corner and wave. Okay? Looking forward to seeing you on Friday.' And thus, with great joy shall I welcome the naming of our humble, obscure, unmapped, anonymous road!