'My wife has been cheating on me, what should I do?'

T.S. asks: We have been married for three years now.  For the past 9 to 10 months, I have been seeing a lot of changes in my wife and I have tried asking and having conversation with her about it. All of a sudden she started ignoring me and acting differently and our private relation also changed. I even asked her if she is having any problems, but she kept saying that she is just tired. This kept happening all the time.

After nine months, I found that she was flirting and talking to a guy who is married twice. I was so angry and went into depression. I loved her so much.

She has told me that she has not crossed her limits, but it's very hard for me to believe her. I have lost everything, I really don't know what to do.

I hope you can give me some advice.

My family and her family have asked me to forgive her and she even begged me to forgive her and she said that she will never ever do it again and that she loves me. But how do I trust her? I have given her all that I can and I have crossed miles as husband for her and loved her.

I really don't know what is she looking for in life/what does she want? As a man and husband I have done the best and I can bet that I am good enough.

I have even asked her if she is having any problem with me, but she says that I am perfect.

Now I need some help and need to know what I should do. I am so confused.  

Dr Saliha Afridi (licensed Clinical Psychologist,  Director, The LightHouse Arabia, Dubai):  Betrayal is painful in any relationship, but especially in a marital relationship. It sounds like you feel you gave this relationship all that you had and thus, the betrayal and the wound is even more painful.

I know it feels like it is the end of the relationship or the marriage, but it can actually be a start of something more meaningful if you choose to make meaning of this painful experience.
The process of learning and changing from this experience can happen if both parties are committed to the relationship and want to work towards it - which sounds like is the case in your relationship.

It is important for you do some work on your own and work on forgiveness and healing. Just because you forgive her does not mean that you can be expected to 'heal' from this experiences quickly.

Give yourself time to heal and rebuild the trust. It is also going to be helpful in your healing journey to understand the reasons why and how something like this can happen so you can guard against it happening again. There are many reasons why a person may step outside of the marriage to have their needs met.

I always say that an extra-martial affair is not the problem in itself, but actually a symptom of something deeper that is happening in the relationship. Do a quick analysis of your relationship and look at human needs objectively. What was the context of the affair? What needs were being met in the affair that were being neglected or not addressed in the marital relationship? How can trust be rebuilt again? Was their open relationship about needs? Was their too much time away from each other?

As for the trust, list behaviors that you need to see in your wife and know that you will have to do some work on your end about meeting some of her needs also. Instead of framing this as something that happened to you, you can frame it as something that happened to your marriage - this way both parties can take ownership for their own part and work towards building a stronger relationship.

When something like this happens, real conversations can be had to learn about what each partner needs and how the other can help meet those needs.

Disclaimer: This blog is a conversation and is not an alternative for treatment. The recommendations and suggestions offered by our panel of psychiatrists are their own and Gulf News will not take any responsibility for the advice they provide.