There’s a fine line between flirting and harassment

At what point does flirting stop being flattering and move into the harassment zone? On a daily basis, women are exposed to men who look at them as sexual objects — at work, or in public. If that on its own is not degrading enough, the comments that follow make the scenario much worse.

Most of the time women are blamed by their spouses, parents, or brothers for ‘seducing’ these men. It is understandable if a woman is dressed in skimpy clothing, but how is she to blame if she is dressed decently?

A woman could be minding her own business, running errands, or just spending time with her friends or mother, but some men just assume that given that she’s at the mall or on a certain road near the beach, it’s an open invitation for harassment or what they prefer to call ‘flirting’.

What if the woman is just going about her day-to-day tasks or simply having a good time? Is that impossible to consider? What if she’s just not interested?

Women are to be respected, and being out in public on the weekend does not give anyone the licence to trample upon their rights. Women by nature like to spend time and effort on their appearance because they like to look good. There is no harm if done in moderation. While I agree that there are women who call for attention in the worst ways possible, I urge men to make the effort to spot the difference between women.

But there may be a reason why these attention-seekers behave the way they do. Their need for attention usually stems from their efforts to fill a void they are experiencing, possibly due to the lack of attention or love at home.

Low self-esteem

In other cases, it’s a matter of low self-esteem, peer or social pressure. Some women dress like they are going for a wedding when all they are going out for is to have a cup of coffee or visit the mall. The one who gets with most praises or phone numbers goes to bed feeling good about herself.

My question to these women is: How can some stranger that merely judged you on your not-so-effortless appearance make you feel better about yourself? Deep inside, we all know that these comments were repeated a few times that day to possibly every or any woman passing by. I’m a strong believer that it all starts at home, whether home is within yourself and your own thoughts, or family.

If a woman reacts negatively to a man’s comments he would not refrain from offending her or mocking her, which only makes her feel worse.

Certain men cross the line by not allowing you to leave the parking lot until you give them your phone number, or cause you danger on the road by getting too close in an attempt at being playful or in other situations talk to you in public, causing a scene.

You can’t evade the judgmental eyes of society and the gossip that would stain your reputation, but ironically only women suffer that.

I understand we as women can possibly call the police or inform security but when on average a woman/young lady is exposed to around 10 of these incidents per outing, it would be very inconvenient.

Helplessly hopeful

As women, we tend to be helplessly hopeful, and fairy tales are what we were brought up to believe in. ‘Find true love and live happily ever after’ is what Disney taught us and rest assured love is not to be found at the mall or on the road.

If a man respects you enough, he would approach you in the most respectful manner, he would be interested in the person that you are behind all the beauty products, he would aspire to treat you like the queen that you deserve to be, but a man who chases after you or in some cases literally stalks you, and tells you he likes the way you walk or highlights any of your physical attributes is a man with intentions that are temporary and no good.

If you’re a woman, remember to value yourself higher because you only deserve what’s best, and by doing that you’ll attract the most decent of men out there in the most respectful way.

If you’re a man, the next time you decide to flirt with someone remember that the woman passing by is someone’s daughter, sister or wife and at a different time or location it could be your own kin being exposed to the same situation.

Fatma Al Falasi is a young Emirati writer who reflects on social issues that relate to Emirati youth. You can follow her at www.twitter.com/Fatmalfalasi