The best days of my life

I am talking about a little thing that entered my life 35 years ago. That day changed my life forever. There are a series of images that remain etched in my memory. That day I was not happy.

The nurse carried a small bundle and walked up to me. For the first time, I saw her tiny head. I was only four then and welcoming my sister was certainly not in my plan. I lifted my tiny fingers up to the baby's face and pinched its cheek. The only thing that remains clear in my head is the sharp cry I heard after that.

The baby took away so much of mum. Everyone crowded near the baby and found everything amusing about her. Although I loved watching the little one smile in her sleep, I didn't like the fact that, many times, I was forced to go out with my uncle. My grandma humoured me with a huge doll and my grandpa took me for long walks to pick flowers. But, all I wanted was to get back to mum's comforting and warm arms.

Growing up with sister had its problems. ‘Because you are the older, you should know better', grandma told me innumerable times. Setting an example was tiring and I hated to share. If sharing the bigger piece of chocolate was not tough enough for a seven year old, then, at times, the toy I was playing with had to be given away. Our home had a new set of rules which seemed to favour my sister more than me and that drove me mad because, I didn't want a sister in my house. Teenage was a killer. I couldn't understand why she wanted my dress exactly when I had planned to wear it. I didn't want to share anything and we incessantly fought over everything. We tried to grab the morning newspaper first and in the night we had our share of pillow fights because living in a small house in southern India, we had to share a bed. What marked our fights were that they were silent and we both never gave up. We never hugged or showed any affection.

On a rare occasion, we patched up and went shopping. Yet there were times I wished, I had no competition at home. It would have been so much easier and simpler — I reasoned. I lost no opportunity to tell her who knew the ways of the world better and why I was the older one. Now, years later, I am suddenly reminded of those tussles with my sister. I cannot understand why I fought over a newspaper and I am amused because I have now compromised on my reading habit. At times, I resign to read it even at the end of the day. I sleep on an entire pillow and I have all the clothes to myself. Well, it tugs my heart. I look at the earrings my sister gave me last summer, when I was visiting home. They were her favourite.

"No," I had protested, "you love them" I had said. "Yes," she had smiled, "but you like them too." It's strange how things change over time because we hated to share until we were in the same house. Well, I may not be able to turn the clock back and let my sister enjoy the newspaper and the entire pillow. But, there is one thing I can promise her — that there is a friend out there for life. On second thoughts — those days of fights were possibly the best days of my life and possibly my sister's too.

- Sudha Subramanian is an independent journalist based in Dubai.