The power of 'sorry'

The melodious sounding ancient Hawaiian healing method Ho'oponopono advocates taking responsibility for everything that happens around you. Repeat phrases like 'I am sorry', 'Please forgive me', 'I love you' and 'Thank you', and you can heal yourself and others, a follower tells Carolina D'Souza.

This seems like a kindergarten lesson, I almost scoff as Maggie Williams explains an ancient Hawaiian healing method that involves saying 'I am sorry', 'Please forgive me', 'I love you' and 'Thank you'."

She's talking about Ho'oponopono, pronounced with an emphasis on the first syllable, which involves using these phrases or "cleaning tools" to reduce stress and solve problems.

Convinced I am not. Maybe this is a nostrum therapy formulated by a person who tapped into our collective ignorance and smart aleck-ed us all into repeating sentences taught to three-year-olds.

Williams notices how my facial contortions register incredulity and sceptism. So she decides to go down a story-telling route to explain what at first seems far too simple to be taken seriously.

Her first statement is a disclaimer, "I'm not a Ho'oponopono therapist or facilitator. I heard about this healing method, experienced it and want to share it," she says.

Ho'oponopono, I learn, has existed for centuries. (Williams tells me that 'Hoo' is 'cause' in Hawaiian and 'ponopono' is 'perfection'. In other words, the healing method is about learning the cause to reach perfection or the "zero" state.)

Morrnah Simeona, a native Hawaiian Kahuna Lapa'au, or a specialist in healing, was the first master teacher of the ancient method. She believed that peace begins with every person and so trained a few people on the tenets of the healing technique. One of them was Dr Ihaleakala Hew Len, PhD who trained under her from 1982 till 1992 (the year of Simeona's death). It was often said he had the power to heal people. But his fame only spread in 2006 when he healed an entire ward of criminally insane patients without seeing any of them professionally.

Well-known author Joe Vitale (of The Secret fame) heard of the story and set off in search of Dr Len. He then wrote an article after learning about the method from the Hawaiian expert.

The domino effect gained momentum. The article spread over the internet through emails, forwards and links and at one point it was said that more than five million people had read it. Some were Vitale's contacts, others were independent newsgroups and mailing lists.

Williams, the lady who explains the method to me, was one of the millions a link in this chain of events.

She read the email in July last year, and her initial reaction was of both fascination and disbelief. "I asked myself, 'How could a person bring about healing without even seeing the patient?'"

Vitale requested Dr Len to help him write a book on Ho'oponopono. The result was Zero Limits: The Secret Hawaiian System for Wealth, Health, Peace, and More, which reveals the updated method and one that depicts Vitale's personal experiences (see sidebar on p44).

Williams, a business skills trainer at a Dubai firm, has a proclivity towards complementary therapies. She has explored healing modalities including EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), Brennan Healing and Reiki. When she received the news about Ho'oponopono, it couldn't have come at a better time because she was finalising a trip to experience Dolphin Therapy in Hawaii, the birthplace of the healing method.

"I was going [to Hawaii] to swim with dolphins. And I thought there is no better place to learn about the new method! I checked the internet for available courses or workshops. Sadly, there weren't any coinciding with my trip," she says. She was disheartened. That same evening she happened to speak to a friend about "the guy who healed criminally ill patients", and was surprised with the response. Not only did her friend know the story, she told Williams she had the book on Ho'oponopono.

It was serendipity. Williams borrowed the book and devoured it in a day. Then another friend mentioned an audio book titled The Key written by Vitale with input from Dr Len. She listened to the CD for weeks while driving in her car. Williams was hooked. She had to learn more about it, and if she couldn't do it in Hawaii, she was going to do it in Dubai. She sent an email inviting Dr Len to the UAE.

The response was positive. Dr Len said he could make it in December. Williams however felt that the holiday season would not be appropriate as most people would be away. So she scheduled the workshop for June this year.

Williams was excited. She sent out invitations to about 30 people. Most of them were friends interested in complementary therapies. More than 80 turned up.

Details of the workshop were advertised on Dr Len's official website (www.hooponoponotheamericas.org). "I had people calling me from Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, Thailand, Ukraine and the UK. In fact, the Ukrainian lady attended the workshop along with a translator. The response was phenomenal," says Williams.

When Williams met Dr Len he was wearing his signature baseball hat and Hawaiian shirt. "From the moment I met him, I was inspired. I was honoured that he had accepted my invitation and was surprised to find out Dubai is the only new destination he picked for 2009."

At the workshop Dr Len said Ho'oponopono is "really very simple". He went on to explain: for the ancient Hawaiians all problems begin as thought. The thought is not the problem. The problem is that thoughts are imbued with painful memories of persons, places or things. These 'blocks' in your subconscious mind replay as judgements, put-downs and all kinds of other problems. To neutralise these thoughts, you have to say, 'I am sorry, Please forgive me... for the way I experience the world'. The change has to take place in you first," he told them. He also said you don't have to know what the problem or error is.

"But how can you fix a problem if you haven't identified it?" I ask Williams, only to be told that Dr Len's statement had also elicited a robust round of questions in the Dubai audience.

Even Vitale said he couldn't believe how a person could fix something that isn't his fault. In the book Zero Limits he wrote, "It didn't make any sense. It wasn't logical..." Dr Len explained the concept of 100 per cent responsibility as the foundation of the method. "When you say phrases like 'I am sorry', you take full responsibility for whatever is going on," he said.

As Williams spoke, I asked myself whether this made sense. I tried to visualise a situation where I am driving to work and a car cuts me off, forcing me to brake suddenly and shifting my anger up a gear. If I practised Ho'oponopono would I have to take responsibility for something that isn't my fault?

"That is what the method is about,'' says Williams. ''Once you take full responsibility, you heal yourself and others. Once you realise and accept you are the only person responsible, it frees you."

It is hard to break down the method and understand its workings in a logical, empirical construct. The only way is to practise it. Like Vitale did.

In that circulated email he wrote about a correspondence that upset him. Usually he would have handled it by working on his "emotional hot buttons'' or by trying to reason with the person who sent the nasty message. Instead he decided to try Dr Len's method. And kept saying silently, 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you'. He didn't say it to anyone in particular. He simply evoked the spirit of love to heal within him what was creating the outer circumstance.

"Within an hour I got an email from the same person. He apologised for his previous message. Keep in mind that I didn't take any outward action to get that apology," he wrote.

At the workshop Dr Len reiterated that it wasn't his job to convince people that Ho'oponopono would work for them. "My responsibility is to share the process and let them decide for themselves."

When you experience a problem, Dr Len explained in an email interview, "look within yourself for the cause [total responsibility]. The entire cosmos, including the mind, is run by information, either inspiration or memories, that play in the subconscious. And the way to deal with that problem is to free your mental, physical, financial, material and relationship memories."

Most of us think we are here to help other people and bring peace to the world. But, according to Dr Len: "Peace begins with us. By bringing peace to ourselves we bring peace to the world, and not the other way round."

Williams says, "And all you need to do is say 'I am sorry, Please forgive me, I love you' and 'Thank you'. These are universal statements. I say it all the time while travelling, during work, socialising, etc. This way there is little room for negativity. Several therapists in Dubai also use this healing method. During one of my training sessions, I shared the story. After a few weeks the participants [of the training] came back saying they felt less stressed and happier."

To me, these are just phrases, rather like verbal amulets that protect one from injury and harm.

Am I convinced of the power of this therapy? I'll know when a car cuts in front of me, forces me to brake suddenly, and I say, "I am sorry."