Hit or miss

Success can be a rat race for some and a leisurely walk through Opportunity Lane for others. It can mean owning a super yacht or meeting the emotional and financial needs of the family and keeping them happy as long as you can.

It depends on how you look at life. Lifestyle, ambition, upbringing, and most important, attitude, all these come togther to define success but every definition is a standalone.
Though it is easy to define success in a general terms, it is hard to measure it in a precise way.

For a student who has always been an average grade earner, passing exams is an achievement. For a student who is consistently brilliant, not having come first is a disappointment.

"How a person defines success depends on his attitude, outlook, approach towards life, health and many more factors," says PMK Sanjeev Krishnan, yoga trainer and founder of Rhythm of Life Program and Rhythm Yoga Center and Oriental Yoga Sanctuary in Dubai.

Success is also about valuing what you have worked hard to achieve, says Krishnan. "If you take look upon a challenge as a burden, it will lead to stress, but if you take it up as a challenge as an opputunity to prove your worth, you will associate it with success."

For others, like Assem H. Hamzeh, managing director of Dubai-based ChoCo'a LLC, success is a state of contentment after you have given your best at everything.

He says, "Only when I've done my best do I feel successful. This belief leaves its imprint on every aspect of my life – family, work and relationships.

Success cannot be measured by wealth, business or
social stature alone."

To Hamzeh, success is also about education and the values imbued in an individual as a child. "People who are brought up to work hard and excel will be more focused in life.

Hard work is the key differentiator between people who are successful and those who are not."

The difference between success and what is not
Successful people take their commitments seriously, but seldom take themselves or life too seriously.

Above all, they have the ability to laugh at themselves.

When Krishnan talks of success being an inborn trait, he refers to the famous quote in William Shakespeare's Twelfth Night: In my stars I am above thee; but be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em. "But it is not just an in-born trait.

Nor is it limited to one or two areas. It can be developed by adopting the right attitude and a healthy understanding of it in all its aspects."

Emma Bradley, Dubai-based jewellery designer and homemaker, shares Krishnan's views.

"It can be an inborn trait for some, but it still requires the right steps, determination and an element of luck.

For others, success is all about sheer hard work and sacrifice. Yet some people may never achieve the success they desire."

How to achieve success?
For Krishnan, a lot o it has to do with achieving harmony with oneself.

"Every individual," he says, wants freedom, success and happiness. But he has to know the art of management that includes all areas of his life."

In yoga, for example, he says, being in harmony with life is a vital principle. It includes everything we involve ourselves with in our lives.

"Any person who is agitated, irritated or frustrated with himself cannot give peace and happiness to others, nor will he achieve true success (at harmony with himself) .

Take the example of a five- or six-year-old child. He is in a yoga state, where he is content with the outer and inner worlds.

As we grow and expose ourself to external stimuli, we lose this ability to remain in a state of contentment," he says.

Bradley also agrees that success is about achieving a balance. "I measure it by a happy family life, good health and furthering my career (in her case as a designer).

Success is about contentment and fulfilment whether at the personal or professional level.

I also associate success with how I feel about myself and my ability to enjoy life."

Professor Dr Faisal K. Taha, director of Technical Programs, International Center for Biosaline Agriculture, Dubai, says,
"Success is achieving what you have set out to achieve – be it in your personal life, as a family or in your career.

It is about being at peace with yourself. There isn't a specific recipe for success and it is not inborn.

However, the environment in which you are born and observing people around you do help in defining your idea of success. Often, children born to successful parents follow their footsteps."

Equally, just because the parents were successful it does not follow that the children will acieve the same heights of success. History is full of such examples.

"Successful people are achievers; they set themselves specific goals
and pursue them. They do what it takes to get there and in the process even if they have to endure pain, frustration and sleepless nights they do not give up."

That in turn makes them happy and happiness as we all know is the most wanted thing in the world.

So there is an equation in there.

Figure it.

'Success is subjective' Marian Makar, sales and marketing coordinator at Alfred Dunhill Ltd, says, "One might find it important to be successful in a career while others look for it [success] in family and personal relationships.

For me, it is about balance. Success is to strive for perfection and to think positively about every element in life.

The key to ahieving is to stay positive, remind yourself of your goals and work to reach them."

Direction, Purpose, Balance

We have all – some more than others – been lost. We have stood befuddled on a corner, circled unknown neighborhoods for hours, roamed roads we couldn't find on a map.

It is disconcerting; it is irritating; it is downright scary. Yet if we're lucky – and we usually are – someone steps in.

A more experienced hiker finds the trail; someone who speaks our language leads us to the train station; a street sign appears out of nowhere.

And, aah. We breathe a sigh of relief. Here's a weather vane to life's byways.

The one who helps

Christina Van Pelt not only helps people find their ways, she also helps them figure out where they are headed.

"I focus on what's important to clients, and that's where we start," says Van Pelt, 31, a certified life coach.

"What do you do that you're passionate about, where you lock into that feeling of everything else going away? What keeps you completely engrossed when you're doing it?"

Maybe it's a new job. Maybe it's your family. Maybe it's a hobby, or a yen to go back to school.

You may decide to save money for a trip next summer, or to write a book, or to start a business.

Whatever it is needs to be where you aim your energy, she says. Once you fix it in your mind, don't let everything else go. Instead, let that purpose shape your life.

"I try to help clients live in possibility," said Van Pelt. "No matter how goofy an idea might seem at first, we talk about it. How do you want to make decisions every day of your life that support what matters most to you?"

Sometimes, those decisions necessitate unpleasant conversations and emotionally charged situations. "If you imagine the result you need to have, suddenly it may not seem so big, so difficult to get through"

Not surprisingly, staying in one spot can be easier than changing direction."If you have no reaction ... you suddenly become the victim of things that happen instead of being able to choose, even if they aren't desirable choices," she said.

"Having the power to choose, saying you've made a choice, builds confidence as opposed to wrecking it by playing victim."

Purpose is her buzzword.
So, here's what you do:
Begin with the end in mind.
What do you eventually want to accomplish? Then run toward it.

Choose your actions based on what will help you reach that goal.

"So many of us fail to plan, and the other half doesn't take action," Van Pelt said. "Find what you can do right now, even it means running through the actions in your mind or clearing the time."

The one who did it

Lydia Duron discovered early on that if she wanted something, she had to set her mind and aim her life in that direction.

"What worked for me is that I knew what I wanted to do," says Duron, a make-up artist.

Her goal was to travel overseas and work in another country. She chose Italy and has lived there six times, for several months at a time.

"One of my first big steps was making that reservation, buying that ticket. It became so real," she said.
"Once you do that, you have to plan and prepare, but it becomes a done deal."

She had to come to terms with one obstacle that could have kept her home forever: Her fear of flying over the ocean. "I had to make a choice: I'm not going to let fear prevent me from achieving a goal," she says.

"We allow our fears to freeze us." Besides her own fear, Duron had to deal with that of others – well-meaning loved ones concerned for her safety, for her success.

"I recognised they meant well, but were relieving their own fears," she says. "That hinders you if you listen. There will always be obstacles; you have to get past those hurdles"
She also had another healthy virtue: flexibility.

"As much as you want to achieve that goal, life throws you curves," she said. "By being flexible, doors open.

Go through them at the right time; it's just as important as having that single focus.

You can't be afraid of failure or of making mistakes."
Have a balance of dreams and goals. "If I live my
whole life and get only half of my dreams, that's a great thing," she says. "I'm resigned that I will not achieve every dream, and that's OK.

I do, though, want to achieve all my goals."
– Leslie Garcia/MCT

'Happiness is the ultimate success'

For Devika Singh, psychologist at Dubai Herbal Treatment Center, Dubai, success is a state of mind.

"It comes from believing in yourself and a positive attitude. Your childhood experiences affect your ability to 'see' success.

For instance, if you were labelled a failure, you will find it hard to acknowledge accomplishments.

"It [success] is also a sense of gratification experienced by individuals when they complete something they have set out to do. Individuals attempt to measure success in two ways.

The first is a self-assessment carried out by the individual where he may look at his own expectations, hopes and goals.

The second is assessesment by people in the external environment, who measure your success by a separate set of ideals." She explains, we all apply different methods to achieve success.

Some set a goal and keep working towards it without evaluating it along the way. "They may have a narrow focus and are highly goal-oriented.

Others will constantly evaluate their goals and the steps they are taking to reach those goals, making changes if necessary. Then there are others who will enlist support from their friends and family.

"An individual's locus of control affects how he manages his life and in turn whether he will experience success.

It [locus of control] is an individual's belief system, which helps him make sense of the causes of success or failure.

If he has an internal locus of control, he attributes success to his efforts and abilities.

"Whereas a person with an external locus of control, who attributes his or her success to luck or fate, will be less likely to make the effort needed to learn.

Such people are also more likely to experience
anxiety since they believe that they are not in control of their lives," she says.

Singh talks about the importance of EQ, a set of interpersonal and intrapersonal skills that you can learn and enhance.
She says, "Research has repeatedly shown that IQ, which has been the conventional measure of success, is not the factor that leads to overall happiness.

A person with a high IQ can get a job, but if they have a low EQ [Emotional Quotient] they may not be able to keep it.

It is believed that IQ will get you through college, but EQ will get you through life.

"Research in the field of positive psychology has revealed that the ultimate
success is to be happy. Happiness begets success, and not necessarily vice versa.

Numerous studies show that happy individuals are successful across multiple domains, including marriage, friendship, income, work performance and health.

They are also likely to be in better overall health, both physical health and
mental health. Happiness is the goal."

Tips to reach your goals:
n Make time for yourself and important relationships in your life. This balance is important so you do not find yourself on the path of burnout.

Be flexible in your goals. Things may turn out
differently from what you had planned or hoped for.

Identify learning moments when you experience setbacks.

Try to increase the frequency of positive emotions in your life by doing things that make you feel happy, even temporarily. This has a physiological effect on your body and can give you the energy you may need to tackle challenges.