Bring 'em kicking...

Every summer it was as reliable as lightning bugs and sunburns. My family would cover the backyard picnic table with newspaper on my brother's birthday and unload a bushel of blue crabs.

There were plenty of side dishes, but it didn't matter how many plates of potato salad, corn or Grandma's green beans you ate. The real glory was in the mountain of crab shells in front of you.

The 13 of us would sit elbow to elbow at the two picnic tables until only my Grandma Roberson, uncle and dad would be left, just eating crabs and swatting mosquitoes. I would try to keep up with them, but my competition was really with my two cousins, one six months older, the other six months younger. They might disagree, but in my mind I always had the biggest pile.

I learned from the best; my dad taught me how to get every morsel of meat from those shells, and as my pile grew, so did my ego. By high school, I thought I knew everything there was to know about crab feasts.

That was until I tried to throw a feast of my own.

It was my boyfriend's birthday and the only present he asked for was a bushel of steamed crabs. After calling every fishmonger in a 20-mile radius to compare prices, I ended up simply going to the one closest to my house. The crabs were good, but I still don't know if I got the best crabs for my money.

So I wish I had asked a few more questions before I started my search. After the fact, I took those questions to the self-proclaimed "blue crab guru", Whitey Schmidt.

What to ask

With visits to 275 crab houses in the Delmarva area and as the author of many books about Chesapeake Bay cooking, Schmidt has earned the title. Here's his advice for throwing a successful crab feast:

• Schmidt says his No. 1 rule for buying crabs is knowing the fishmonger. Strike up a friendship; have the fishmonger show you the crabs and explain where they were harvested. A good fishmonger will be knowledgeable and able to answer your questions. When you find one you like, make it clear you plan to come back.
• Inspect the crabs before you buy them. The friskier the crab, the fresher it is. Never buy dead crabs. As Schmidt says, "If it ain't kicking, it ain't cooking."
• Crabs vary in size but usually are categorised as "ones" (large), "twos" (medium) and females. Size is in the eye of the beholder, so ask to see a live crab of each size before buying. One fishmonger's large might be another's medium.
• How many to buy? A bushel of crabs holds six or seven dozen crabs. When crabs aren't the only thing on the menu, a good rule of thumb is six per person. Schmidt says the bigger the crab, the steeper the price. Many places will also sell them by the half-bushel.
• Don't assume that the crabs at the market are local. Call several places to find crabs that are local and fresh. Depending on the weather (a lot of rain at the beginning of the season delays warming of the water and makes crabs less active).
• Don't buy crabs that were steamed earlier in the day, refrigerated and then reheated. It usually takes 20 minutes to cook crabs, so be wary of a fishmonger who fills your order for steamed crabs in under five minutes.
• Fishmongers steam crabs with different amounts of seasoning; if you prefer to season your own, ask for seasoning on the side.

And Schmidt suggests one more way to spice up your meal: In southern Maryland, he says, folks dip their crabs in cider vinegar mixed with Old Bay seasoning.

• Not everyone likes to dismember and devour crustaceans. Have side dishes available for the squeamish.