Show your child it's ok being different

The other day I was having a conversation with one of my colleagues who hails from south India and is dark-skinned.

He mentioned that his child came one day commenting that he hated the colour of his skin and prayed to God to make him fair. Apparently, his classmates had ridiculed him because he was "different".

Trivial dissimilarities

It is surprising that in a world where globalisation is a keystone of every growing society, we still differentiate each other on these very trivial dissimilarities.

In the course of working with major school systems in the UAE I have come across parents who do not want their children to associate with those of lesser talent, strength and ability.

Sneha's mother prohibited her from interacting with students in her class who did not perform well academically.

Her mother wanted her to be friends with only the toppers in the class since she was one herself.

This resulted in narrowing Sneha's world and affecting her ability to get along with students who were different from her.

This is indeed a shame because it is living with these differences that would contribute to making children like Sneha more tolerant, patient and better human beings and to be successful in education and later in work.

Acquired responses

Our children need to be taught to be tolerant of those who are different not only in terms of cultural heritage but also those who are different in intellectual and physical abilities.

Dubai is indeed a melting pot of many cultures and traditions, making living here a very enriching experience.

Children aren't automatically wired to dislike, ridicule and put down those who are different. These are acquired responses that they see exhibited by adults around them.

Some parents are open to the diversity of our society, but others hesitate to allow their children to associate with those who are different.

Don't be judgemental

Being intolerant of others' differences is really a two-edged sword because when children begin to perceive 'different' as bad or something to make fun of, they themselves also fear being different.

For most schoolchildren social acceptance is a priority and the need to fit in and belong to a group is so important that they are ready to sacrifice their individuality to achieve this.

They tend to focus more on what is right for the world around them rather than right for themselves.

Humans vary from each other in terms of shape, size, colour and so on, and it is these differences that make it a colourful world to live in.

It is important to teach children to be tolerant and curious of these differences rather than judgmental and unaccepting.

It is time for parents to recognise the importance of teaching children to respect people of different size, shape, colour and abilities.

When children respect others they also begin to value and appreciate their own differences. All this helps to prepare our children to live peacefully in the diverse world in which they live.

Tips

Tolerance can be taught in very subtle ways. Parents can consider some of the following tips when teaching their children to respect diversity:

- Modelling healthy attitudes towards others is the first step towards teaching your children tolerance. Always demonstrate an attitude of respect for others.

- Children are very observant and more often than not are listening to any comments you pass on those who are different. Resist making jokes or putting down those who are different even if it is done with harmless intent.

- Pause and discuss with your children any biases portrayed in the media. Counter a disrespectful comment or behaviour toward a group with a respectful and calm refutation. Talk about characters who treat and do not treat each other with respect and how their reactions could have been better.

- Monitor the shows your children are watching. Try to ensure they watch those that send positive and healthy messages.

- Be honest and respectful in answering questions your child may have about those who are different.

- Teach children to acknowledge differences in the family, especially siblings. Show respect toward the individual differences in your children thus helping them appreciate them.

- Try to choose a school or extra-curricular activity in which your child has the opportunity to interact with children of diverse backgrounds. This will give your child an opportunity to interact with those who are different.

- Have fun learning about different cultures and traditions. Educate your children about the holidays and religious celebrations that are different from their own.

- Help your children acknowledge their individual strengths and feel good about their diversity. Teach your children to value and respect their differences.

The writer is a DOH, Dubai and US certified guidance counsellor with an M.Ed degree in school counselling from Boston, USA. She is currently working as co-ordinator, counselling services, GEMS, UAE.