How 3 busy Dubai dads are redefining the meaning of work-life harmony

Of home and work

Rob Commons

Dad of three

In his role as Principal of Uptown International School, Mirdif, British expat Rob Commons maintains the maxim that though exam results are great, successful people are the ones who build great relationships with others around them.

Practicing the same theory at home, he ensures that however busy his schedule may be, he switches off his ‘work-mode’ when he gets home.

Two of his three children, Kitty and Eli are in Grade 9 and 4 respectively at his own school while his eldest daughter Lottie has just finished Year 13.

There are times when he does have to bring work home from school or attend the regular Open Days during weekends, and it does make him feel guilty.

‘But I remind myself that I’m lucky to get as much time with my family as I do. Being in education, we get long holidays together on a regular basis,’ he says. Another advantage of being the principal of the school your kids go to is that he gets an insight into what’s happening in their lives.

Since his own father worked mainly from home, Rob realises the impact it made on his formative years. So, he always tries to give his undivided attention to his family whenever he is at home. ‘It’s usually a case of prioritising based on what’s needed, so if we’re heading into a school inspection period, then work takes priority. But if there’s nothing urgent happening during the upcoming week, I prioritise family events.’

Another tactic he uses to tackle his work at home is to make an early start in the day. ‘I’m up at around 5am most days, including weekends, so I can often complete three hours of work on weekend before the rest of the family are up.’

He believes, the need of the hour in modern day parenting is to always talk to children. Since he gets to spend a lot of time with them in the car to and from school, they discuss common interests like golf, trampolining or performing arts. ‘I try to share conversations with each of them. Sometimes it’s a general chat, but at other times we listen to a podcast together (usually football related) or talk about what’s going on in their lives (school, friends, ambitions etc).’

Apart from common life skills like swimming and bicycle riding, Rob and his wife Emma have taught the children to have a strong moral compass, be polite and well-mannered, and to try and do the right thing for themselves and other people.

The couple is celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary this year.

As a family, they have travelled all over Southeast Asia, as well as to Australia and Europe, and also to idyllic holiday destinations like the Seychelles, Maldives and Zanzibar.

‘Being a dad is by far the most meaningful thing in my life. It’s great to earn a good salary, but over the years I’ve seen so many parents who are absent in their own children’s lives because of work commitments.

‘If I ever think my role is getting in the way of my own family’s happiness, then I’d change jobs in a heartbeat,’ he says.

The go-to dad

Ahmed Fors

Dad of two

As CEO of NTAM, a leading marketing agency, Egyptian expat Ahmed Fors’s work requires him to travel extensively and for long periods. To ensure that his kids Tayem, 14, and Zain, 9, have a clear perspective of why daddy is not at home much, Ahmed makes it a point to take them to work occasionally. ‘They are really excited to see my office and get in touch with the team whose names are dropped at home all the time,’ says Ahmed. Making kids be part of your work life helps them form a connection to you and the real world,’ he says.

To compensate for not being physically available in the house, Ahmed also ensures that he is part of their main events, and their small and big joys. ‘In worst case scenarios, we have technology to keep us connected,’ he says.

Having a healthy bond with family is the real motivator for Ahmed to excel at work. Since his wife Hager looks after the home turf well, he plays the role of their friend and go-to person. ‘I love it when they come to me for advice. I avoid being judgemental, and always try to share and praise their success, even with the small things.’

The dad and sons trio enjoy a lot of male bonding trips like water sports, fishing football and more. Tayem plays American football while Zain plays soccer on a professional level. ‘Seeing him score the first goal in his first competition was a special moment for me,’ he remembers.

Sometimes he has to be extremely quick witted too. Like the time they went fishing and Zain always ended up catching smaller sized fish than Tayem. ‘When things started getting heated, I somehow convinced them that you will catch fish only according to your size. That seemed to work and there were no squabbles after that,’ he laughs.

Being an advocate of a simple and happy life, Ahmed has trained himself to leave all his work-related stress at the doorstep before entering his house. ‘I try my best to not make my stress affect the family which will eventually deplete my health as well. If I have been working continuously for a few days, I try to compensate by taking extra days off or taking them to joint outing, to ensure we have enough time together.’

According to him ‘Kids are your best investments in life and as parents we have to ensure that they are growing to be healthy, happy individuals.’

Making daddy time

David Amehame

Dad of four

French expat David Amehame, Regional Lead for Fitbit in MEA at Google, has been in Dubai for almost 17 years. His two older kids Thibaut, 23, and Maxime, 19, are in college, while two younger ones Chloe, 6, and Charlotte, 2, are at school in Dubai.

Family is top priority for David, but since he oversees a wide geographic region (Middle East and Africa, Turkey, Israel), his work demands a significant amount of his time. On average, he is out of town once every three months or more often if there is a specific emergency or seasonal requirements. So it is sometimes difficult to prioritise a family event over a work related one, he says.

David admits that while his elder kids were growing up, he did sacrifice precious ‘Daddy time’ for work related obligations. ‘Over the years I have evolved and tried to move away from a ‘always on’ status at work,’ he explains.

‘Though I work a lot and sometimes at odd hours, I now strictly leave my mobile phone behind when involved in an activity with the children. I have realised that a school event or a sport event is something one cannot get back. I also know that in spite of my work responsibilities, the business will still continue even if I am not there.’

A workaholic of sorts, for the first time in years, he went on vacation in April ‘without taking my work laptop.’

David feels that parenting in the UAE can be a challenge as the children grow up in a bubble of wealth and safety. So, he and his wife Antonia have worked hard to instill values such as respect for others discipline, honesty, courage, kindness and gratitude in the kids.

‘We try to bring to our children a sense of what the world outside really is. For instance, on one of our travels recently, we explained to our older daughter that there are many young children in that country who are not as fortunate as she is to have access to education, decent accommodation and even running water. We also insist on the fact that one must go and get what he or she wants, and not to take anything for granted. But in anything we do, we encourage participation, trial and error and a lot of fun,’ he says.

Their daughters are registered for many activities (tennis, gymnastics, swimming, ballet, piano) so there’s a healthy mix of academic classes, performances and competitions.

Being an avid tennis fan, David has managed to instil the passion into his Chloe who now wants to be a professional tennis player. ‘I will of course support her in achieving that goal but in the meantime, I just enjoy playing with her, building her confidence and teaching her some basic principles about the game and the behaviour on court,’ he says.

The Amehames also believe that the ‘first times’ in sport are unbelievably rewarding. ‘We have recorded all milestones like the first time they walked, swam, the first time Chloe won a tennis game or a gymnastics competition and so on’

For David, being around his kids is a kind of therapy that can wipe out one’s worries with a smile. He remembers moments when Charlotte knocks at the door to bring him fake ice cream. Or both the kids pretend to be his hairdressers and play with his hair.

‘Chloe often writes us cards to tell us that she loves us and sticks them on our bed tables. Overall we are very engaged with our daughters and it creates many unique situations that we love and document. We are also happy to view back when Google sends us the ‘A year ago’ pictures,’ he says.

As a parting shot, he adds ‘One has only two things in life: family and health, anything else can be replaced!’

HOW FATHERS CAN ACHIEVE THE WORK LIFE BALANCE

The emotional and physical presence of a father forms the way children hold space while interacting with figures of authority throughout their lives, says Hima Mammen, Consultant Psychologist - Family Therapy, Human Resource Institute and Clinics, (HRIC) Dubai. ‘It broadens a child’s worldview and enables perspective. It also allows for emotional safety when a child can approach a close adult and talk about concerns without hesitation. These factors influence their identity and self-image.

But if they occur too often, it needs to be taken seriously. Parents model behaviour as children adopt patterns of how they respect their own boundaries. To achieve an effective work/life balance, fathers can use the acronym COMET. In the moments you share with your children, connect with them and be available. Find out what they look forward to, and what they don’t. Allow them to go on any tangent without interruption.

Remember not to solve their dilemma but to ask open-ended questions. Children need to experience their father’s openness. Having an approachable adult to address their dilemmas as a child impact how they hold/diminish their worries. Involve them in appropriate decision-making processes. It is important to create memories both for fathers and children as we bank on them when faced with stress. Respond to their invitations to play and perhaps try to remember what it was like to be with your father. What would you repeat and what would you rather not? Children, especially young ones must see your eagerness to be with them. Show them that you are equally excited to see them and express your love through words and gestures. Sometimes it helps to act their age. For little ones, I’d even suggest going down physically to their level.

Being thrifty with your time will allow you to nourish other areas of your life. It is important to dedicate one-to-one time with each child. Answering another email or spending another hour on the device will make you pay the price of neglecting precious family time.’

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