Talking Relationships: 'We have always been partners'

Legendary horse trainer Monty Roberts and his wife Pat, sculptor and horsewoman, speak to Sonali Raha

Monty Roberts, legendary horse trainer, motivational speaker and author (best known for the Man Who Listens to Horses), was in Dubai recently to demonstrate his unique Join-Up training technique and raise funds for the Riding for the Disabled Association of Dubai (RDAD), a charity organisation that offers therapeutic riding lessons for children with special needs. He also signed copies of his latest book From My Hands to Yours, with the profits going to RDAD.

Roberts, 67, has trained 90,000 horses in 25 countries. He and his wife, Pat, live in the 154-acre Flag Is Up Farms in Solvang, California, USA. They breed and train horses and hold special corporate events. Roberts continues to travel, attending seminars and demonstrations worldwide.

An accomplished horsewoman, Pat Roberts, 65, has bred, trained and exhibited horses. She runs their farm in California. She is also a remarkable sculptor. Her works are in private and corporate collections in more than 13 countries around the world. Her bronze 'Moment of Join Up', a sculpture showing Monty communicating with a young horse, is in the personal collection of Queen Elizabeth II.

Pat and Monty Roberts have been married for 46 years. They have three children, two grandchildren and a third is on the way. They also raised 47 foster children with whom they continue to be in touch.

Pat Roberts

We were born in the same town, went to the same school and college, but never dated. We dated for two years only when we were in two different universities. We were engaged for a year and then got married.

We moved to where Monty was studying and he continued to go to college. We opened a small saddle shop. We had our first child a year after marriage. I would be tending to the child in the shop and running the shop. It was a very different life.

We didn't have much when we got married. But from the very beginning we were partners. We had three children within six years and I started training and riding horses as well. I would have one child in the basket, another two running around the yard. When we went to shows, I had a young lady to look after the children. It was quite an existence. Then we started raising foster children. Now I don't know how we did it. But when you're young, you can do anything. These children are just like our sons and daughters and we stay in touch...

Monty is a very intense person. Totally dedicated to making the world a better place for horses and for people. Really and truly. For him to be able to take the message across to the world is a necessity. I had to take the responsibility of running the farm so that he could travel. He couldn't have done what he has without me supporting him. He recognises this and I recognise this.

He's also very, very supportive of what I do. He's my best and my worst critic. He looks at my work with open eyes and that helps me immensely in my creativity.

He's taught me to be strong. He gave me the tools to run a farm, to take charge of the breeding programme. We have 20 plus employees in the farm and another 10 employees in the office.

When Monty's at home we try to catch up with our friends. He loves to cook and is a good cook. We have special barbecues in the house that we have designed. He does the steak, chicken, fish. I do the salads. We have a very large kitchen that is also my studio.

When Monty's home we do a lot of corporate events as well. He'll do demonstrations and then we'll entertain them, cater a party.

We both love to fly-fish. We just had two days of fly-fishing in New Zealand. It was absolutely marvellous.

Together we enjoy friends and family and we stay at home. Because we're away from home so much we appreciate it even more.

To the world Monty appears easygoing but he's not. I'm a lot more easygoing than him. If he's going to be with a horse and his equipment is not ready, he gets really upset. I'm much more adaptable.

But I understand why he reacts the way he does. He does great work as a horseman and so it is necessary for him to have all his equipment ready. He loves what he is doing and wants to do the best he can. I like to support him in this.

Our relationship has matured. We are more tolerant of one another. We understand each other better. When you're first married you have a narrow channel through which you look at each other. Our way of looking at things get broader as we're together.

We were always together. We did very little travelling separately when we were raising our children, so we had an opportunity to enjoy them as they were growing up. We rely on one another. We listen to one another's advice because we look at the world differently. We play off one another. I support him and he supports me. He relies on me to take care of the details.

He supports and protects my career. He's always talking about me as an artist. My friends say he's very proud of me. He'll never be disparaging about me in front of anyone else. He's very proud of what I've done. I know that. It makes me want to be better at what I do.

I know he's the greatest horseman on earth. So we have a mutual admiration society. I think he's the Einstein of the equine world. His greatest contribution to the world is making people aware what you can achieve with communication.

We've been married for 46 years. We married young – I was 19, he was 21. It is still exciting because of what he's doing. He's visiting countries, meeting people. I was very shy when we married. He taught me to communicate.

If I had not met and married Monty, I'd have been a very quiet, very shy person. He's made me confident. He's made me what I am.

Monty Reborts

Pat is my first wife, my only wife. So I don't have any one to make comparisons with (smiles). I can't imagine being successful in any way without her. Nobody can have all the qualities to be successful in life. You have to have people around you who fill in the blanks. Pat has filled in the blanks for me.

I don't know anything about business. Now that we're non-profit, it makes things even more complicated. I just do my horses and try to do the best I can. Pat does everything else. Pat has taken the time to understand what we have to do in business. I would not be able to exist without someone taking care of that side of things.

Without her help I don't think I could have done my books.

Raising my children... how could I have raised my children without her?

Even my clothes. I'm colourblind. She makes sure I don't go around looking like a fool. There are so many boxes to fill in in my life and she fills them in.

My life is very simple, very simplistic. I deal with animals. We think in a simple way. You've never met a happier person than me. I travel, I meet wonderful people, I love people who understand what I do.

Pat allows me to do all this. She allows me to have all these other people in my life. She shares me so completely with everyone who matters to my life. It was not her idea to raise 47 foster children, it was mine. But she did all the work. She was a very good mother to all of them. In the end, they remember her birthday more than they r