Pakistani 'jihadis' feel keen sense of betrayal

For Mohammed Abdullah, his journey to Afghanistan was like a horrible dream, but like many of the hundreds of Pakistani 'jihadis' who are spilling out of Afghan prisons, the welcome mat has worn thin, and they feel a keen sense of betrayal.

"It was a nightmare. I went for jihad (holy war) to defeat infidels but was caged," the frail looking 18-year-old Abdullah says. He has just returned to Pakistan from Afghanistan after six months in a Mazar-e-Sharif prison.

Abdullah and his friends are among those 200 Pakistanis who have been released from Afghan prisons to a holding area in Peshawar following negotiations between Pakistan's President General Pervez Musharraf and Afghan authorities.

Abdullah, who hails from Bahawalpur in central Punjab province, was a student at a madrasa, a Islamic seminary, when the Americans launched an attack against the Taliban in October last year.

"Those were the days when Maulvi sahib (cleric) told us that every Muslim should go to Afghanistan for jihad,"he says.

So Abdullah and his young colleagues chose to undertake a dangerous journey. They were sent to Kunduz where fierce fighting was going on between pro-Taliban and U.S. led forces.

"Everywhere there was bombing. We were helpless. There were Arabs, mujahids from Uzbekistan and Pakistan, but we could not do anything and surrendered to enemies,"he recalls. He still remembers those "horrifying" days.

"I am not afraid of death because I went to sacrifice my life. But I have seen it all. My friend breathed his last in my lap. Even now in my dreams I can see him all covered in blood," Abdullah says.

During his long stay in prison, only once was he able to establish contact with his family through a letter.

That too brought bad news - the loss of his mother. Like Abdullah, everyone, who has returned from Afghanistan, has a tale to tell.

"After our surrender, we were herded like sheep in a container. It was suffocating. Like many others I fainted. I regained consciousness but not everybody did," Jameel Khan, 19, says.

Khan was injured during the fighting months ago. He still has a deep wound on his chest as fresh as he has received it now.

"What treatment? he says, adding "We were treated liked animals,"he says, accusing Rashid Dostam's forces of torturing Pakistani prisoners.

Dostum's supporters deny the allegation as mere "propaganda" calling these prisoners pro-Taliban and Osma bin Laden extremist elements.

Like these prisoners, thousands of activists and supporters of religious and extremist groups had marched to different parts of Afghanistan to fight along with Taliban after religious parties launched countrywide protest campaign against America and Musharraf government. Hundreds are still missing.

But those who have returned feel a keen sense of betrayal - betrayed by those on the same side of the ideological divide as them, despairing at the defeat of their convictions. These men have returned battered in body and spirit.

"All is lost in Afghanistan. The Taliban have been defeated and America and enemies of Islam have taken control,"Abdullah says. "Thousands of our mujahids have been martyred or arrested."

Pakistan, once a key ally for the Taliban regime has joined hands with international forces to eliminate extremism. Things have changed. It seems, the thorny patch is still not over for Abdullah and his friends. Pakistani officials say the ones who have returned home will be screened.

"They will be allowed to go only if they are found innocent. But we will make sure that nobody has links with Al Qaida and other extremist organisations," a Pakistani official said.

The Pakistan government is making arrangements to bring back these prisoners due to internal pressure but at the same time want to show their unbending attitude towards them because of being a coalition partner in the U.S. "campaign against terror."

Many Pakistan's extremist organisations who had sent young holy warriors to Afghanistan are now either underground or have maintained a low profile. But most of them who have now returned want to join their respective organisations or madrassas.

Jamil Khan wants to teach at the madrassa where he once studied. "I want to share my experiences with the young ones. My life is to serve Islam. If I have to go to Afghanistan for jihad again, I will," Khan vowed.

But Abdullah is eager to meet his family and perhaps, run a small grocery shop. He wants to visit the grave of his mother who did not want him to go to Afghanistan.

Abdullah now wishes to start a new journey. It remains to be seen whether it will draw him back to the countrty that his mother decsribed as "the land that bleeds."