New dad anxiety? How to manage stress, sleep, and daily life without losing yourself

I didn’t have a dad, so I didn’t know how to be one, at first.

Dubai-based Vinod Nair (name changed on request) reflects on the first two years after his daughter was born. In the midst of all the sleeplessness, anxiety about sudden fevers and rushed hospital visits, he was running on fumes. “I haven’t had a father figure in my life. So suddenly, I felt confused and overwhelmed. No amount of literature that I read, was of any use. My mind would freeze,” he says.

But as one crawls out of a well, he learned—and unlearned—while slipping and falling along the way. “It has been six years since she was born. I think my best lesson was to learn together with my wife, rather than both of us isolating each other, because we were afraid of being a burden and suppressing our own issues.”

It doesn’t mean the ‘new dad’ anxiety has abated, he says with a laugh. “I don’t know when it will. Maybe in pre-teens, or at 18?”

He will eventually get it right, he says. Whatever right means, he does add as an afterthought.

That’s the ‘new dad anxiety’ right there. In simple words, it’s the intense worry and stress that many men experience, as they adjust to becoming a father, as Dr Bisi Laniyan, Clinical Psychologist, Adult Specialist at Sage Clinics explains. It’s almost as if life changes overnight, and, to be honest, it does. There’s a sudden rush of new responsibilities, along with a shift in identity and disrupted routines. “ This form of anxiety is closely linked to the transition into fatherhood rather than being a general or longstanding tendency to worry,” she explains.

It’s the constant fear of messing up, or just not being good enough for their baby or partner. “It is different from postpartum depression, which shows up more as low mood, emotional flatness or pulling away from others,” she explains. The new dad anxiety is driven by worry and the fear of the unknown. “Postpartum depression is driven by emotional shutdown. Both are valid and both deserve attention,” she says.

Is it different from regular anxiety? Dubai-based Dr Ross Addison, founder, Managing Director and Consultant CBT Therapist at Reverse Psychology Center, and also a new father, breaks it down. It’s not all that different. “The body goes through the same range of anxiety traits as a new dad as it would for other situations or events that trigger anxiety. The body on has so many responses to anxiety provoking situations, but the thoughts that trigger or maintain the anxiety can differ significantly,” he explains.

Anxiety doesn’t come out of nowhere — it’s kept alive by the thoughts we replay again and again. “For new dads, there are likely to be lots of worrying type thoughts that go through their minds. Postpartum depression is different to anxiety, but men can experience this, around 1 in 10 will struggle with their mental health following the birth of a child, with younger males more vulnerable generally,” he says. “As a new parent for the second time myself recently, it's excitement and joy for the most part before the birth, then worry and stress post birth, mostly about the health and wellbeing of the baby.”

The tension appears before the words.

Dubai-based Ramsha recalls how her husband developed a habit of constantly tapping his foot in anxiety. “He would just keep repeating grocery lists, to-do lists and things that we had to do, simultaneously worrying about my health,” she remembers.

As Dr Laniyan notes, a dad who is suddenly restless, on edge, snapping more than usual or glued to work, might be struggling. There are those who keep checking the baby, worrying endlessly about their safety and doubting every decision, too. “Many fathers say, ‘I’m fine,’ but their behaviour tells another story. When a man becomes noticeably withdrawn, restless, or excessively perfectionistic, it’s often a quiet sign that he may not be coping as well as he appears,” she says.

Addison breaks it down meticulously:

·         Sleep interference

·         Appetite interference- weight loss or gain

·         Irritability and snappiness

·         Presenting as quieter than before

·         Reluctance to socialise

·     Wanting to be out of the home more often

·      Avoidance of time with baby- most likely it's because he does not know how to be, play or interact with a newborn

For many new fathers, the anxiety doesn’t stop at nappies, night feeds or whether they’re doing it ‘right’.  It often seeps quietly into another corner of their lives: money.

As Dr Laniyan explains, financial and work-related stress is one of the most powerful — and least discussed — drivers of new dad anxiety. For many men, self-worth has long been intertwined with being a provider. When a baby arrives, even familiar financial decisions suddenly feel loaded. “There’s a heightened sense that failure is not an option,” she notes. The stakes feel higher overnight.

Even fathers in stable jobs aren’t immune. The pressure to maintain security, meet growing expenses and plan for an uncertain future can become relentless. Protecting one’s career often starts to feel non-negotiable — sometimes at the cost of rest, presence, or emotional wellbeing at home. “That pressure doesn’t always show up as panic,” Laniyan says. “It often sits quietly in the background, fuelling anxiety day after day.”

When work becomes a place where a man feels he cannot afford to slip up, it becomes harder to truly switch off at home. The mind keeps racing — grocery lists, bills, to-do lists, contingencies — even during moments meant for rest or connection.

Layer sleep deprivation onto that, and the strain intensifies. With a new baby, sleep is usually the first casualty. Lack of rest lowers emotional resilience, shortens tempers and magnifies worry. Combined with the loss of personal time and the shock of an entirely new routine, the brain can remain stuck in stress mode. Without space to reset, even small challenges can feel unmanageable.

You go from having a set routine, to everything being unpredictable, explains Addison. It's sudden and unexpected. Adapting to this almost instant lifestyle change is hard, and can bring about frustration or even resentment. Sleep deprivation is often the most spoken of trait related to being a new parent. It causes irritability, grumpiness and arguing amongst parents.”

Moreover, it also causes a loss of focus and concentration and promotes the production of cortisol in our body's, leading to a reduction in immune system and an increase in weight gain. Most parents undergo sleep deprivation in the months following pregnancy, but it does get better and return to normal sleep patterns for the most part.

It’s why new dad anxiety so often looks invisible from the outside — but exhausting from within.

Managing new dad anxiety isn’t about grand lifestyle overhauls — it’s about small, repeatable habits that lower daily stress. Short pockets of rest, even a 20-minute nap, can stabilise mood and sharpen focus. Light movement — a walk, stretching or a quick workout — helps calm the nervous system. Honest check-ins with your partner reduce misunderstandings and remind both of you that you’re learning together. Simple systems, like shared task lists, ease mental overload. Most importantly, don’t try to carry it alone. Therapy isn’t a last resort — it’s preventative care that protects both you and your family.

Practical coping tools new dads could use, as Addison explains: