7 signs you’re acting as a therapist to your friend — and how to fix it

We really want to be there for our friends. But, how much is too much?

We tend to overextend ourselves, crossing the fine line between being supportive and becoming an unofficial therapist. It quietly drains energy, blurs boundaries, and even impact your own mental health.

Here’s how to recognise if you’re taking on too much and what to do about it.

A clear sign you’re slipping into therapist territory is when your schedule revolves around their crises. You cancel personal plans, skip self-care routines, or put work and hobbies on hold just to respond to their texts, calls, or rants. If you feel exhausted but unable to step away, it may be because the friendship has become more about their needs than mutual support.

Fix: Start by evaluating your time and energy. Schedule moments for yourself first, and understand that taking care of your own mental health is not selfish — it allows you to be a healthier friend in the long run.

If nearly every conversation is dominated by their problems and struggles, leaving little room for your own experiences, it’s a red flag. This dynamic often makes you feel unheard or invisible, reinforcing the role of “emotional caretaker” rather than equal friend.

Fix: Gently steer conversations toward reciprocity. Share your own experiences and feelings, and observe whether they respect your need to be heard. Healthy friendships involve listening, but also being listened to.

Friends often develop a habit of reaching out constantly, but if you feel an intense guilt for taking time off or saying “no,” that’s a sign of emotional overinvestment. Guilt can trap you in cycles of exhaustion, making it harder to maintain your boundaries.

Fix: Remind yourself that stepping back doesn’t mean abandoning your friend. Communicate openly about your availability and bandwidth, so they understand your support is intentional and sustainable.

Being there for a friend is natural, but consistently feeling mentally and emotionally depleted is a warning sign. When interactions leave you anxious, exhausted, or resentful, you’re likely overextending yourself into a therapist-like role rather than maintaining a balanced friendship.

Fix: Set time limits for conversations or check-ins. Create small, intentional moments of support rather than being “on call” 24/7. This preserves your energy while still showing care.

It’s one thing to empathise; it’s another to feel responsible for solving their problems or fixing their emotional state. If you find yourself constantly worrying about how they’re coping or trying to manage their feelings, you may be crossing into unofficial therapist territory.

Fix: Encourage autonomy. Support them in exploring solutions themselves rather than offering constant answers or advice. Empowering friends to manage their own emotions fosters growth and healthier boundaries.

Some friends habitually vent, complain, or dramatize situations without attempting to resolve them. If this becomes a recurring pattern, it can indicate emotional dependency, where your presence becomes a crutch rather than a source of equal support.

Fix: Gently shift the dynamic by asking questions that promote self-reflection and problem-solving. Encourage them to consider what steps they can take, rather than simply listening passively. This approach helps them regain independence while maintaining your well-being.

Many “therapist friends” avoid addressing their own limits out of fear of hurting the other person. Without boundaries, the friendship can become exhausting, one-sided, and emotionally draining.

Fix: Establish clear, healthy boundaries. Communicate your limits kindly and consistently. Let your friend know when you’re unavailable for long venting sessions or late-night calls. Boundaries don’t mean you care less—they ensure your friendship remains sustainable and balanced.