Exclusive: Parineeti Chopra on sharing parenting duties with Raghav Chadha, Bollywood flops, motherhood, and why would never have married an actor

Dubai: “The majority of this world thinks that the mother is the default parent and the only parent or the one that has to make all the changes in her life, as if the father had nothing to do with this child.”

Bollywood actress Parineeti Chopra isn't interested in playing the agreeable new mother who smiles politely when asked about juggling babies, Bollywood and marriage.

In Dubai recently, she told Gulf News Manjusha Radhakrishnan she had no patience for the double standards of modern parenting.

“The child is 50-50 the parents, right? But somehow, in our society, we have normalised just the mother doing all of it. And all the changes that must happen after a baby happen only to the mother, and the father becomes the visiting parent.”

It's a sharp observation from an actress who has spent nearly 15 years in an industry where a woman's marriage or motherhood can become a talking point about her career prospects, while male stars routinely continue working without having to explain who is looking after their children.

As a working mother of three myself, including twin boys and a teenage daughter, I find the question of how women manage motherhood particularly tiresome. Nobody seems to ask working fathers whether they are successfully balancing school runs, office deadlines and domestic responsibilities. Why should mothers alone be expected to explain themselves?

Parineeti agrees.

“It does irritate me. It does irritate me,” she says.

But unlike the picture of the endlessly sacrificing mother that popular culture often celebrates, Chopra is keen to demonstrate that parenthood can be a genuine partnership.

“I hope that with our journey, Raghav and mine, I hope we're able to influence even one couple and make them believe that it's possible to do 50/50.”

Her husband, Raghav Chadha, is a politician, making theirs a marriage between two demanding public professions. Chopra, who married Chadha in 2023 in a much-publicised ceremony in Udaipur, says the couple actively shares childcare responsibilities.

“So today, if I'm at work, he's with the baby. When he's at work, I'm with the baby.”

She acknowledges that pregnancy, childbirth, feeding and postpartum recovery place a unique physical burden on women. But she doesn't believe that should automatically translate into a lifetime of unequal parenting.

“A father biologically may be behind in the motherhood process because he's not doing the pregnancy and the feeding and the postpartum, but he is very much the soldier behind it all.”

Importantly, she doesn't prescribe her arrangement as the only acceptable model. She recognises that economic realities often dictate who works outside the home and who stays back with the children.

“There are households where the father has to work and the mother has to give up things for the home, or vice versa. The mother has to go and work and the father has to stay at home. Everything is valid.”

What matters, she insists, is the intention to share responsibility.

“I just hope that at least effort-wise and intention-wise, the roles are not tipped only in favour of the mother taking over everything.”

Her conclusion is simple: “Parenthood has to be what works for that couple, and society cannot dictate.”

‘I have made wrong choices, knowing it's the wrong choice’

If Chopra is outspoken about parenting, she's equally unsparing when discussing her Bollywood career.

The actress made her Hindi film debut with Ladies vs Ricky Bahl in 2011 and quickly established herself with films such as Ishaqzaade, Shuddh Desi Romance and Hasee Toh Phasee. Her early performances showcased a spirited screen presence and an ability to play women who didn't always conform to conventional Bollywood heroine stereotypes.

But her career hasn't followed a smooth upward trajectory. There have been films that failed to connect with audiences, uneven commercial fortunes and periods when her choices attracted more scrutiny than praise.

When I compliment her on her apparent instinct for choosing interesting scripts, she immediately corrects me.

“Oh no, I've done many of those.”

By “those”, she means films she shouldn't have signed.

“There was an instinct that this is something I shouldn't do, and I still did it.”

And then comes an admission that few stars make so readily.

“I have made wrong choices, knowing it's the wrong choice on shoot, knowing this is not gonna work, and then that day comes and it doesn't work, and I'm like, damn, I knew it.”

She doesn't name the films. Nor does she attempt to blame directors, producers or audiences.

Instead, she acknowledges that her lack of familiarity with the industry's workings sometimes affected her judgement.

“I'm not a filmy child grown up in this world. I didn't really understand scripts and films and what the audience likes.”

She credits Yash Raj Films, the banner that launched her, for providing guidance during her early years.

“I got very lucky that I was working with Yash Raj Films in my first few years, and there were a lot of people who could help me select scripts.”

But that support wasn't always available.

“My selection process was great, then not so great, and now I feel like I'm understanding a little better.”

With the benefit of hindsight, she believes her career could have looked very different.

“If I had the insight and knowledge that I have today, if I'd started out, I would have had a very different career.”

Yet she refuses to wallow in regret.

“I'm a very philosophical person. Very deeply philosophical. And I feel like every single moment that is happening in my life, all those previous moments had to happen in that order for me to reach here.”

She pauses before adding: “Where I am is exactly where I wanted to be. So I would not change anything about that.”

It's an interesting way of looking at failure, especially in Bollywood, where careers are often reduced to box-office scorecards and actors are declared successful or irrelevant depending on their latest Friday opening.

“Those were not bad choices. Those were the choices that led me to the next thing and next thing and next thing and brought me here.”

‘I work six months a year’: Why Chopra refuses to worship hustle culture

Chopra's relationship with fame is equally unconventional.

While Bollywood increasingly celebrates the perpetually busy actor who jumps from one film set to another, she has consciously created a life that doesn't revolve entirely around work.

“I work six months in a year. I'm not a typical actor personality.”

She is particularly sceptical of the phrase “work-life balance”, which has become something of a corporate and celebrity buzzword.

“I think that the word work-life balance itself is contradictory because you're separating work and life. Work is part of your life, so you should try and live a balanced life.”

For Chopra, a successful life isn't necessarily one filled with professional commitments, social appearances and endless visibility.

It's one in which family, health, travel, food, leisure and work all have their place.

“Today I'm a mum, so my family has taken precedence over everything else, as it should.”

But she is careful not to tell other women how to live.

“I don't think I'm anybody to tell anybody how to live.”

Her own method is straightforward.

“When I'm at work, I'm 1,000% there, and I'm enjoying it and having a blast. The moment it's over, trust me, there's no one quicker to reach the airport than me and go back to my family.”

And when a film fails? She isn't sitting at home obsessively refreshing reviews or reading every social media comment.

“I'm never in the country. I'm travelling or I'm with my family. I have no idea.”

She's not claiming extraordinary emotional strength.

“I'm just disconnected. I'm living my own life.”

Why Parineeti Chopra never wanted to marry a Bollywood actor

For a woman whose professional life has unfolded under the Bollywood spotlight, Chopra has a surprisingly low-key approach to her personal life.

Her marriage to Raghav Chadha brought together two very different public worlds: entertainment and politics. And according to Chopra, that difference is precisely what suits her.

“I would never ever have even thought of marrying an actor ever. It's not possible.”

It's a striking statement from someone who has spent much of her adult life working alongside some of the industry's biggest stars.

But Chopra says the popular assumption that she's a quintessential Bollywood girl couldn't be further from the truth.

“I'm exactly the opposite, actually.”

She doesn't spend her evenings socialising with actors or discussing films.

“I'm an extrovert with my people, I'm not an introvert. I just don't have that many friends or a social life with my industry because I live a very quiet, private family life.”

For her, marrying someone from the same profession might have meant bringing work home permanently.

“I don't think that films can be the only thing in my life. So I think if I married somebody from entertainment, that would be the only thing in my life.”

She admits she may be making assumptions, but her preference for a life beyond Bollywood is unmistakable.

“I hardly live in Mumbai. Outside of my work, I will travel, I will scuba dive, I will do other things, and I will be in Mumbai when I'm working.”

‘I literally had abs’: The physical and emotional cost of Chamkila

If there's one project that Chopra considers a turning point, it's Imtiaz Ali's Amar Singh Chamkila, the Netflix biographical drama in which she played Amarjot Kaur, the wife and singing partner of Punjabi musician Amar Singh Chamkila, portrayed by Diljit Dosanjh.

The film demanded a dramatic physical transformation from Chopra, who had to abandon her toned appearance to resemble the character.

“When I signed Chamkila, I was my fittest. I literally had abs.”

She remembers meeting Ali wearing a crop top and jeans.

The director told her that while she had the role, she didn't physically resemble Amarjot.

Her response was immediate.

“Sir, say no more. Pause. I will meet you in three months.”

She began gaining weight.

“By the time the shoot started, I managed 16 kilos. I would have done 50. I would have done whatever was required because this was my biggest opportunity.”

Her excitement wasn't just about acting in an Imtiaz Ali film. It was also about working on music associated with A.R. Rahman and portraying a Punjabi singer whose life had been cut tragically short.

“If he told me to go bald, I would have been like, be back in 10 minutes.”

But the weight gain came with a personal cost.

“That process of putting on weight led to emotional changes in me. I wasn't feeling my best, looking my best, lost out on so many glam opportunities, all of that.”

She insists the sacrifices were worthwhile.

“I just didn't care. I just wanted to do this role and this film.”

And the physical transformation was only one part of the challenge. Ali also encouraged her to shed the exuberant personality that audiences associated with her.

“Before every shot, I would be talking to everyone and laughing, and Imtiaz sir would be like, ‘Okay, Parineeti.’ He would deflate me.”

She describes the process almost like exhaling her celebrity persona.

“I would literally breathe out the Parineeti out of me, and then give the shot.”

Watching the finished film was a revelation.

“I felt like it was not me.”

She credits the filmmaker for the restraint that made the performance so effective.

“He completely transformed me physically, emotionally.”

‘She was an obsessed mother’: On her dark new thriller out on Netflix now

Motherhood also forms the emotional centre of Chopra's thriller Shak: Trust No One, though its depiction is considerably more disturbing than her own domestic life.

The series follows Anvita, a woman whose life has been consumed by the disappearance of her child. Her relentless search has devastated her relationships, leaving her increasingly isolated and vulnerable to suspicion and manipulation.

When I tell Chopra that I found the series difficult to stop watching, particularly the way Anvita is repeatedly gaslit, she seems delighted.

“The ones who are enjoying it are watching it in one go. They're binge-watching. They're awake till 4 a.m. watching the show.”

She had been looking for precisely this kind of project.

“I always said I want to do a series with you, but it has to be delicious and binge-worthy. I want to be part of that binging-a-show culture.”

When the script arrived, she couldn't put it down.

“I read the script exactly like the show. I could not put the script down till I finished.”

But what interested me most about Anvita was her inability to recognise the damage unfolding around her. She is so consumed by the disappearance of her child that she seems oblivious to the fractures in her marriage and her relationship with her other daughter.

Chopra believes that emotional blindness is central to the character.

“The character was of an obsessed mother who lost her child and did nothing else for eight years.”

Her family has effectively become collateral damage.

“That's why her husband and even her other daughter says that you have completely forgotten us. There's nothing else in your life, and that summarises her character.”

Chopra says the creative intention was never to portray Anvita as a perfectly sympathetic victim.

“This is not going to be a filmy character which is justified and is going to sit in the corner and cry in a filmy way that this happened to me.”

Instead, the character's grief manifests in destructive, irrational behaviour.

“She's going to act crazy in every scene, and everybody around her is going to suffer because of that.”

Yet Chopra doesn't carry her characters' emotional trauma home.

“I'm quite switch on, switch off as a person. I go to work and I will give my all to my performance. But the moment I hear cut, it's out for me.”

‘I judge journalists a little more now’: Chopra calls out paparazzi culture

Our conversation takes an amusing turn when I ask whether playing a journalist in her forthcoming project Reporting Live has given her greater respect for the profession.

I jokingly welcome her to the dark side.

Her response catches me off guard.

“I think now I maybe judge journalists a little more.”

She laughs before explaining that her criticism is directed at those who prioritise clicks and sensationalism over facts.

“The journalists who do certain things just for views are the journalists I will think about because then they are not reporting.”

She believes journalism carries an enormous responsibility because audiences expect information they can trust.

“The moment a journalist is not reporting the facts, is reporting rumours or immoral stories just to get the views, I cannot trust.”

Her criticism extends to paparazzi culture, particularly photographs that objectify women or reduce celebrities to their bodies.

She acknowledges the uncomfortable reality that such images attract engagement.

“People are reporting certain things in certain ways because they know they're going to get the engagement, and the engagement is what they need to survive and actually to thrive.”

But she believes media outlets have a responsibility to draw the line.

“The person they're reporting about is a human being. They are not just a clown to be paraded around and displayed in any way you choose.”

And while she recognises that audiences drive demand for such content, she doesn't think journalists should simply cater to it.

“Let's not serve those sadistic people.”

Her plea is clear.

“Let's remain moral, ethical. Let's keep journalism beautiful, pure.”

‘Dubai is extended home’

As our conversation draws to a close, Chopra reflects on her enduring relationship with Dubai, a city that has witnessed her at different stages of her life and career.

“Dubai is always a special place for us. It's so close to our home. I have so many friends, so many family members here.”

She says the city's large Indian community makes her feel particularly connected.

“I feel like it's extended home for us.”

Over the years, Chopra has visited Dubai as a rising star, an established actress and now as a wife and mother. Her priorities may have evolved, but her affection for the city remains constant.

“You've seen me over the years because I have been here over the years, multiple, multiple visits, all for different times and phases in my life.”

And perhaps that is the most interesting thing about Chopra today.

She's no longer trying to fit the image of the perpetually ambitious Bollywood heroine, the self-sacrificing mother or the celebrity who must remain visible at all costs.

She is comfortable admitting her professional mistakes, setting boundaries around her private life and challenging expectations that don't make sense to her.

“Where I am is exactly where I wanted to be.”

For an actress who has experienced both the highs and lows of Bollywood, that might just be her most satisfying success story yet.