Teach gratitude, not greed

The chase for an affluent lifestyle dictates the attitudes of children towards money. Parents, along with external influences like the electronic media, are to be blamed for making kids place materialistic values above everything else. It's the small blessings in life that should be more important...

The festival season offers wonderful opportunities to teach children (and adults!) the value of giving rather than receiving. Whether it is Eid, Christmas, New Year or Diwali, we tend to give in and indulge our children "just this one time".

In a materialistic culture such as ours, parents often wonder, "If I can afford it, should I buy it for my child?" While there are no easy answers to this difficult question, one approach could be to remove the focus from "what should we buy?" to "whom can we give?".

The pursuit of an affluent lifestyle tends to be the driving passion for the human race and contributes to the way our children grow up demanding more and costlier things.

"Materialism is at the heart of a parent's struggle to raise a child to be a good person," writes child expert Leah Rosch. It is not the children alone who are under peer pressure – whether it is to be seen wearing the latest designer clothes or shopping at a mall they consider 'cool'.

Parents too feel a lot of social pressure. "Money still doesn't grow on trees, so we have to work harder and longer or we'll be left behind. We want to buy everything for our children because if we don't, we feel we are not good parents," says one father. It is easy for parents to pin the blame for materialism on the media and social pressures, but there are practical ways to beat these pressures.

For example, you can make the choice to live in a neighbourhood which has fewer status symbols and more philanthropic activities. Dinner-table conversations can focus less on where the Smiths went for a family vacation (and how much their stay cost), and more on "does the place we're visiting have anything of historical interest?"

This is why the lesson of gratitude is such an important one. "Giving back to the community" seems such an impossible task for some parents because they don't know where to begin.

"How much time will I need to give? Where do I look for 'poor' families? Will my child be upset at the sight of poverty?" are some of the questions they ask. Knowing that not everyone has the same amount of wealth is an important first lesson for children.

Children learn to appreciate their pocket money (without a sermon from you) when they find a ten-year-old village girl unable to go to school because she has to look after her younger brothers and sisters.

Travel is such an eye-opener – combine your stay in a five-star beach resort with at least one trip into the 'economically backward' parts of the country you are visiting. Let children see both sides of the coin, so they experience and enjoy their blessings first-hand.

Reschedule the family time so that along with ballet, piano and karate lessons, children volunteer their time at a special needs facility. If you know of any family in your neighbourhood that has a special needs child, encourage ways to spend time together regularly.

Look out for ways teenagers can become involved in programmes such as Habitat for Humanity which builds houses for the homeless worldwide.

Teaching children how to value money doesn't mean reducing their pocket money but changing their attitude towards the wealth they see all around them. Help them understand that they can make a difference to the lives of other persons around them.

Let part of their pocket money go into a charity of their choice, part into savings, and the rest can be spent as they like. We can do lots to create an anchor of kindness and compassion that will keep our children afloat through life.