Spending time with the children: striking a balance

THIS WEEK: Parental involvement

The competitive spirit has seeped into academia to such an extent that parents are heavily involved in even the minute aspects of their children's school life. They don't realise that education is not only about coming first in class but also about laying a strong foundation for overall progress in life. So, pushing children to excel could prove to be detrimental. But this does not mean that parents should be totally aloof. How can they work a balance? Here are some responses:

Meenakshi Sharma - Mother of two teenaged daughters

Some involvement in children's education is good, says Meenakshi Sharma, a housewife who keenly follows the academic life of her daughters. But, at times, the Sharmas are totally involved. For example, they have not stirred out of their homes for a month now because their first daughter is about to write her school final exams!

But, Meenakshi regrets the competition – "there's so much pressure on us to make our daughters to do well. If we are not around, they would get on the Internet, and it's our own selfishness to want them to do well.''

She blames the Indian education system or, to be more precise, the Central Board of Secondary Education's "heavy'' curriculum, that makes it necessary for her to be around to help her daughters. "It helps to have my mother around to clear a doubt,'' says her second daughter, Nidhi (15).

"For example, once when I was absorbed in an extra-curricular activity, I missed my economic classes. Soon after, I wanted to miss the economics test because I did not know my subject, but my mother, who was an economics teacher once, helped me through the night. I could not believe it, I did so well the next day."

Her mother intervenes, "You can help to the point that they are not spoonfed. Beyond that it is detrimental for them... I knew a friend who did everything for her son. The result was that, when he went to the U.S. to study engineering, he could not cope and had to switch (to another centre).''

However, Sharma feel it's necessary to help the child in the lower classes with their project work to give them a sense of self-worth. When her daughter was in the second grade, she did help her make a chart on sunflowers with grains, she recalls. Nidhi obtained her first certificate for that project and was thrilled when her name was called out in the assembly.

Mohammed Keenan - Principal, The Oxford School

At The Oxford School, an IGCSE-curriculum school, they have three parent-teacher consultation (PTC) evenings to bond the home-school partnership, says Mohammed Keenan, principal of the school. "The very first one is held at the beginning of the academic year in October. This serves two purposes. In the case of a new student, the parent gets an opportunity to interact and get acquainted with the school, and also to find out how the child is settling down in her new surroundings.

In the case of an old student, this parent-teacher consultation helps to know the term tutor and to compare the child's initial reactions this year with what they were at the same time last year. In either case, this consultation helps to address early on any difficulty that the child may have socially or academically.

"The second one is held in January after the first-term exam and the third in June after the final exams. During these consultations, the parents have a proper sit-down one-to-one interaction with the form tutor and, if desired, any subject specialist teacher.

"There are concerned parents and those who leave the business of education to the school alone. Letters from us to the parent informing them and reminding them of their commitment to come precedes every PTC we have. These are followed by a phone call. Yet, it is sad to see that only 75 per cent of the parents turn up for the PTCs. And it is invariably those 25-per-cent parents who don't come that we most need to see.

I have half-yearly progress reports lying uncollected in my office even now. I do not know whether this is because of just being too busy or because it is not one of their priorities. We hope to address this shortcoming with the help of our Home School Network.

"The Home School Network is a new concept we will put into action when we shift to our new premises at Qusais. In this system, each parent will be given a password to access their child's on-going record of achievements on their home computer.

"We also have special parent-teacher meetings scheduled. For example, for the parents of the ninth graders to make a presentation for choosing their optional subjects for their O levels – which in effect are the 10 and 11th grades.

"On a day-to-day basis, we expect that the parents will check the child's homework diary. This is where the student notes down the homework for the day which is signed by the term tutor and also where the tutor may write any remarks which we may want to bring to the attention of the parents. These are expected to be countersigned by the parent when they check on the child's homework.

If the parents want to attract the teacher's attention to some point, they will use the same channel of communication. But this does not happen with all children all the time. Some parents often fail to see or sign the diary, so one important point of contact is lost every day.

"Just as you have parents who keep aloof, you also have parents who are over-enthusiastic about their involvement with the child's education. While parents helping out children with their project work at home does not happen often, it is not so unusual to find parents doing the student's homework for him. This becomes obvious when there is a marked difference between a child's classwork and homework.

When this continues, the teacher brings it to my notice and very tactfully we have to tell the parent to desist from this. We know parents want the best for their child and this is precisely why they should allow him to learn things for himself. Education is not about coming first in the class alone, it is about training for life.

"Equally important is that the school takes every opportunity to keep the parents informed of exactly how the child is faring in school. Sometimes in our anxiety to keep parents happy, schools are tempted to gloss over concerns and this may lead to the parent confronting the school later to say, 'Why was I not informed about this matter earlier?'

Particularly in Dubai where you have a cross-section of parents – from the very influential to the ordinary – there is a real danger of this happening. Some schools may not discipline a child for fear of offending his influential parents. But, I believe, that if the school takes the opportunity to explain to the parent about how this discipline is training for life, they will understand.

"The best way to stay in touch with your child's education is by checking on his assignments everyday, meeting with educators on the official evenings like PTCs and on the non-official ones like sports days, concerts and personally staying in touch with the teachers.

Paul Abraham, Administrator, Abu Dhabi - Grammar School

"Generally, there's not a high level of parental involvement in children