Parent stumpers

Do your child's questions sometimes send you into a spin? Children have an unusual knack for asking questions or acting in ways that can leave their parents speechless. How do parents deal with such situations?

How many times have you looked at your child and thought, "What's the best thing to say or do?" Children have the uncanny knack of asking questions that leave us quite speechless, and act in ways that can be embarrassing, amusing, and sometimes plain annoying. If you are one of those parents who get stumped by your child's comments or behaviour, read on to discover better ways to get smart!

Parent stumper 1: Your toddler loves to throw food around

Experts who write 'Create a friendly, soothing ambience for your two-year-old when having dinner' have never really been parents,' laughs Liz Bartlett, a Sharjah-based mother of twins, and she's right. Child expert Ellyn Satter suggests that if food-throwing persists, the child needs to leave the table not as a punishment but as a means of teaching.

Just say, "We don't throw food at the table," or "You must be full." The child is probably full because hungry kids pay attention to eating.

Parent stumper 2: Your two- year-old bites any kid who tries to play with his precious toy

A child who bites is trying to get your attention. First say, 'No biting' and then focus on the child who is hurt. Spend some minutes soothing the hurt child. Your child will see that his action had the opposite effect – someone else got all the attention. Fortunately, biting is a phase that most children pass through quickly.

Parent stumper 3: Your child wants to know 'Where is Daddy?'

"This is probably the easiest part of being a single parent," says Debbie Martin, whose husband died in a road accident shortly after they moved to the UAE. It might help to explain that all families are different, some have two parents and some have one.

It's important for children to know that even though their father is not here with them, he is a part of who they are. In case of a divorce, you can say something like, "Daddy still loves you all very much even though he cannot stay with us."

If the father doesn't want to have any contact with his children, the feeling of being a family would probably have to come from other family members – uncles, aunts, and grandparents. Let your child know that she is fortunate to have so many persons in her life who love her.

Parent stumper 4: Your three- year-old strips everything off and refuses to wear his clothes

Let your child know that nakedness belongs in the toilet and not in the living room. Even if he does this ten times in a week, you have to dress him again and again. If you have friends or relatives visiting, make sure they don't reinforce your child's behaviour by cooing, "How cute!"

Elizabeth Pantley, author of Perfect Parenting, says it's easy to change this habit. "For a week or so dress your child in clothing that's hard to remove," she says, for example, add a belt on the trousers, or buttons on the blouse.

Pantley adds that it's important to be consistent in the behaviour you expect from your child. For example, if you allow your child to run around naked before his bath-time but expect him to wear his clothes just because your in-laws are visiting, your child may be confused.

Parent stumper 5: Your five- year-old has always loved school but decides one day she doesn't want to go

Your first job is to find out whether the headaches and tummy aches are real or not. If there are no physical complaints, ask questions to find out what has upset her. Young children can sometimes misinterpret what a teacher says in class and feel really worried about casual comments or a forthcoming activity.

"I found out that Jeremy's teacher had jokingly called him a crybaby and asked him if he wanted to sit next to the nursery kids. Jeremy was really worried that his teacher was planning to change his class," says Farah Lyle, a Dubai-based mother. An open discussion usually helps to get to the bottom of the problem.

Dr. Onita Nakra has a Ph.D. in Educational Psychology from the University of Minnesota, U.S.A. Her specialisation is in assessment, diagnosis and intervention methods for children with special needs.