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Losing can be a calibrated approach, done intentionally for higher gains. Losses may not be necessarily not what humans define them as. From a higher perspective loss can be gain.

In losing anger one finds peace, in losing doubt trust is gained, in loss of craving self-control is emphasised. When wanderings are lost, path is found, when helplessness is lost, empowerment finds its way back. Can you see how losing is an art, a conscious move?

On the other hand, in losing faith one moves to anxiety, in losing peace one moves to chaos, in loss of stillness oscillations gain upper hand. Loss and gain are two ends of the same stick. No matter how short you cut the stick, the opposite end will exist. It is then a matter of perception which end holds the ultimate gain?

Losing Identity

What does one gain in losing identity? Identities are like safety walls that impart a sense of security to the personality self. However, it is a tool to operate in this gross, material world. In losing identity one gains core values, the divine essence. In living the core values, that is, the virtuous states of presence, one is able to discover the True Self, the pure ‘I’ .

The pure ‘I’ has several identities attached that obscures its shine. When humans cling to these self-limiting identities with ownership, that is when suffering arises because true identity doesn’t recognise the false identity constructs.

Humans ultimately gravitate to their true identity; it is a calling. A man innately desires peace over disturbance, silence after speech, stillness after movement, rest after labour, freedom over bondage. How does one recognize where to return? As divine spirit, we are free from all false constructs of the mind to know where to return, where the true abode is. The soul recognises that, but the personality self gets entangled in the identity-constructs.

Forms and Shapes

Identifications assume different forms and shapes. It comes as thought forms/as thought constructs that are limiting in nature. Such as, ‘I am the boss’, ‘I am the victim’, ‘I am the saviour’, ‘I am like this’, ‘I am like that’, ‘I can do this’, ‘I can’t do this’, etc. Losing a caging identity-form is painful, though, a gain ultimately. It is a painful process because it calls for changes in various arenas of life; in thoughts, attitude, behaviour, actions and more.

All self-deprecating thoughts, thoughts arising from prejudices, judgements, stubbornness, defiance, timidness or any weak spaces, impacting the self or the others are negative constructs. Thought-constructs are formed from our likes, dislikes, personal experiences, influence of others. It is important to know that a negative thought construct can be dissolved and replaced with core virtuous thoughts and feelings, from where everything else emanates, including the ‘destiny’ of the self.

In touching the core, the inner environment receives a fresh leash of life-force. This then helps to discover/realise the True ‘I’ Self ( self-realization process). A positive thought-construct about others and self , such as, ‘I see good in people’, ‘I can forgive’, helps in this core healing process. The body feels better, rested, and so does the mind. One experiences this peace first, before imparting it to others, by way of speech and action.

In losing false identities, we gain our True Self. This journey may not be easy but is inevitable. Because return to the core ‘I’, is inevitable.

Disclaimer: Urmila Rao is an emotional healer and a forgiveness teacher. All the ideas expressed herein are her own, and not professional advice or medical prescription. Her website is: Email: