Talking Relationships: 'We have common interests'

Dr Ajit Nagpal, principal advisor on hospital affairs in the UAE Ministry of Health, and his wife Jyoti Nagpal, an Abu Dhabi-based artist, speak to Kavitha S. Daniel

Dr Ajit Nagpal is a well-known figure, being the principal advisor on hospital affairs in the UAE Ministry of Health for the past nine years. Primarily involved in setting up medical care infrastructure in the country, he has assisted in the planning of 18 new hospitals in Abu Dhabi and the Northern Emirates.

Presently, five major hospital projects in Ras Al Khaimah, Umm Al Quwain, Sharjah and Dubai are still in the planning stage. This former Secretary of Health of the Indian state of Jammu & Kashmir, advises the ministry in formulating health policies and strategies as well.

Landscape artist Jyoti Nagpal has actively pursued her art career after following her husband, Ajit, to the UAE. This former lecturer turned full time artist, is a reputed name in her field, with her exhibitions usually opening the celebrations of India's Independence and Republic days in the UAE.

Her first exhibition was held in New Delhi in 1993, at the prestigious AIFACS - All India Fine Arts & Crafts Society - and inaugurated by the then vice-president, K.R. Narayanan.

In the UAE, she has held exhibitions at the Abu Dhabi Cultural Foundation, and a number of solo and group exhibitions in Dubai. "Nature" remains the main theme of her work.

Dr Ajit Nagpal:

My first impression of my wife, 37 years ago, was that of an attractive, poised and cultured woman. Of course we had an arranged marriage and I first saw her when I went to 'see' her with my family at her home. I liked her instantly and I nodded spontaneously when one of my family members gestured to me about my opinion of her. In fact, as a funny aside, my sister-in-law passed me a chit that read 'The End'.

A rush of memories crowd my mind about our life together from the time the baraat (bridegroom's party) landed in her home - on time, may I add - until today. Right from the start, she's always been very home loving and adjusting.

I remember the time I took up an academic programme for two years and used to be home only on weekends. This meant she had to shoulder all the responsibility of our child, her work and home. At one point she was the sole earning member, but she never made me feel that, and was very supportive. Our objective was whatever comes out of my studying will be a shared benefit.

There is one trait about her I always find amazing. Never do I see her sloppily dressed, even at home, and when I used to return from work she would be a sight for sore eyes. She's also got green fingers or something - plants always bloom when she touches them. But I suspect she talks and sings to them.

I think we complement each other well. While I'm the one willing to explore all options, she's the one to narrow them down to one. But at the same time, we seem to be quite in tune with each other's needs, because our decisions are always spontaneous and made together.

Even our decision to come to the UAE was made together, as were the other decisions on buying personal assets and not having a second child. If we have disagreements I usually back out, reasoning and applying logic about her point of view.

In our years together, she's taught me to be more organised, to communicate better - since my mind always raced ahead of what I was saying - and also in a lighter vein, to develop a taste for chillies because she loves them.

I am also very inspired by her art and I leave her alone when she's painting. In fact, when I am passing by, I'm even careful not to make a sound. I even went and studied and bought software to make a website of her art. Though, she lent her artistic touch to make it more visually vibrant.

We've spent many happy times with our only son Sumeet. The three of us had a lot of fun together and he's never made us miss not having another child. Once, in an attempt to lose weight, Jyoti and I went on a fish diet and he also, gamely, went along. Though he's in the U.S., we still share a strong family bond.

Once there was an opportunity for Jyoti and Sumeet to go to the USA and she had obtained a full fellowship. But our finances could allow only one of them to go and she insisted it had to be Sumeet.

Till today, you wouldn't think from the way she deals with the matter that she let go of a very good opportunity. For that reason my son really worked hard for her very first exhibition in New Delhi and told us we have to do it for Mom; let's make it up to her. She does not know that.

Jyoti Nagpal:

When Ajit first came to my house I was very charmed by his family. They seemed very fun loving and I thought it would be fun to live with them.

All through my married life, he's always been very supportive of my career, be it teaching or art, even to the extent of making sure I get a transfer to the same place as he. When he was transferred to Kashmir, for instance, he insisted that I should also be moved to the Kashmir University from Chandigarh.

However, I did not regret moving to the UAE, giving up a senior position and leaving my 25 years of teaching - that was a voluntary decision I had made. I don't miss that.

When I am painting I get very intense and he knows only too well to leave me alone during that phase. He gives me good feedback about my work and it's good to have a critic in the house. He even participates in making the brochures and has helped me create a website. He's always by my side in my work.

As a working wife back in India, I always got his help in bringing up our child. What I've drawn from him is his confidence in whatever he's doing. I got strength to do my own thing and used him as a role model. I don't think he knows that.

We spent a lot of time with our son, who never made us feel we should have had another. We were too busy, anyway, to have another child. We would do silly things like driving out to the hill station of Kasauli on a whim, if we heard it was snowing out there. Or Ajit used to play games with him as if he was a child himself.

I think our relationship is good because we do a lot of things together. We have common interests; we even took up golf together. We are golfing buddies now. I took it up because I got fed up of being alone while he was out enjoying golf.

Actually, at first we used to walk on the Corniche but suddenly, he took up golf and I was going on my walks alone. He would disappear for hours and return home to talk golf. That's when I decided I should take it up and now I enjoy playing with him.

At first he tried to teach me, but I did not like the way he was instructing me. Finally, I went to the golf course in the mornings before him and learnt the game, and now we play together.

A negative quality of mine is that I can be very stubborn, but I feel if I am right, why should the other person not understand? I stop communicating, then, but usually he always rationalises and comes around.

Frankly, in a marriage you have to realise that you have to accept the person as he or she is. You can change some superficial things, but the basic nature of the person can never be changed.