Families growing amid recession

Dubai: What started with two place settings on the dining table has become a dozen or more for some "families" living in the UAE.

It all changed when global recession came to dinner in September 2008. Wary of the new stranger in their lives, most nuclear families turned to their immediate source of support. They called home.

"Both my daughter and son-in-law work, and there was no one to take care of our two-and-half-year-old granddaughter. The rents are high and both of them could not afford to leave their jobs or hire help. My wife and I are here for them," Antony Walto, an Indian expatriate, said.

Walto is one of a growing group that answered to the need when the ideal housemaid could not be found, when buying the best surveillance camera seemed "out of range", or the piled-up stacks of files at work felt like a personal failure.

The concept of nuclear families gained steam in the early 1980s.

However, two decades on, there seems to be a rethink. Economics, "because our forefathers did it", or simply the need to be together has led to a reversal.

"Extended" is the new flavour. Ameera Abbas Al Dhabbahi, an Emirati, said the move out from a nuclear unit into a large, extended family was a well-thought out choice and a cheaper option.

She said: "We moved in with my mother-in-law after having spent a year in a rented house. This allowed us to save while waiting to build our own house."

Every day, the 10-member Al Dhabbahi family offers Ameera - a working mother - some convenience, a lot of security and home-made food. Since "the move", both she and her husband are free of guilt when taking some time out.

"There's always someone to take care of the children. We don't have to pay rent and the electricity costs are covered by my mother-in-law, from her social pay. It is so convenient to have food ready when you come home from work."

With shared expenses being a common denominator, more people are living together to decrease costs. However, there are other advantages, too.

Alden Mirador Paje and his wife Sarah Layderos, both Filipino expatriates, first came to the UAE three years ago. Times were tough, rents were cruel - together the couple decided to share their life and the television remote with four of their best friends.

Eleven people now fill the Paje household. "Although living with a large family is a happy experience, there is a down side, too. For one there is a total lack of privacy and the atmosphere at home is always noisy and crowded. But if you think about it, it's okay. At the end of the day - this is family," Paje said.

A thought echoed by Syed K. Mujahid. The 37-year-old Indian expatriate and his family of three live with his brother's family, in Sharjah.

He said: "A few oversights can be cited as examples, but advantages are more. My children and us, too, get a lot of guidance from each other. It's a whole lot of fun."

But differing opinions and an obligation to be a part of all family gatherings can be "a pain", especially in a family that abides by traditions and culture.

"It's difficult to bring my children up the way I like. If the elders contradict my decisions, it undermines my authority as a mother. Additionally, there are times when I choose to be anti-social, because I don't feel like meeting anyone," Ameera said.

She added that more people were now opting to live together to take care of their parents as they grow old - a concept celebrated in Emirati culture. Large families are respected.

Mujahid agreed. "I see enormous respect from Arabs and Asians alike, when I tell them I live in a joint family. In an age when families are shrinking - mine lives together.

"Life is too short & I don't want to spend whatever time I have in isolation. I want to be close to the people I really love," he added.

Would you ever live in an extended family? Why? Do you know of any families that have followed a similar course? How has the concept of an extended family changed over the years?

I would not like to stay in an extended family as my in-laws all have a dominating personality. I have gone through all this in India. So, now I would just not like to be with them. In a joint family you just can't do anything you want, everything is decided by the father-in-law wherein the sisters-in-law who are married also keep giving their suggestions and views which is not acceptable to all.
Muskan
Satwa,UAE
Posted: March 08, 2009, 11:57

The concept of extended family has been fading in the last couple of decades. But, there are many families who still prefer to go by the joint family system as it is called in India. It has its own advantages. It helps in saving money while responsibilities are shared. Also, emotional and financial support instills a sense of security within the family members. But the lack of privacy looms large and results in nuclear families. With proper communication and understanding it is very convenient to stay in an extended family. I would personally love to stay in an extended family and welcome the support and guidance of my elders which would surely benefit my children too. An extended family gives a feeling of security which is definitely more important than privacy. Children brought up in a secure environment grow up as confident individuals. Also it is our duty to look after our elders and support them during their old age.
Naina Nair
Sharjah,UAE
Posted: March 08, 2009, 10:44