Chores are good for kids

Children should help their parents in their domestic chores. Child experts feel that such tasks help build self-esteem and make the child more confident. They are also likely to be more considerate to others

When Sammy's school teacher told his mother that she should encourage Sammy to help her around the house, she was affronted and shot back angrily, "Why, he's only five years old!I want him to play, not work," said Diggs.

She could not see how asking Sammy to pick up his toys would help make him feel more confident and competent, especially since, like many parents living here in the UAE, Diggs had domestic help to clean, wash, and cook. Do children need to do chores to grow into responsible adults or should their only work be to study and play?

Child expert Jane Nelsen firmly believes that "chores build self-reliance and self-esteem by showing kids that work has value".

They boost a child's sense of "social significance" by promoting the feeling that he is a contributing member of the family and society.

Experts point out that one reason why urban children grow up doing few chores around their homes is because schoolwork, playdates, and extra-curricular activities fill their day, leaving little time for anything else.

Also, many parents feel it's too time- consuming to teach and enforce chores, it's faster and more efficient to do the job themselves.

Most experts, however, hold the view that asking kids to help around the house is an excellent way of teaching self-reliance and self-confidence.

Chores encourage compassion and empathy

Research has established that kids who have routine chores are more likely to be considerate of others than those who don't.

Patricia Sprinkle. author of Children Who Do Too Little, points out that when children never help around in the house, they grow up with a sense of entitlement, a sense that they don't need to work for things, that someone else will take care of them.

Many parents of teenagers have told Sprinkle that they wished they'd made their kids do more household chores when they were younger because they have grown up expecting their parents to take care of them.

Finding your family's balance is important

Cultural differences may affect what kind of chores parents choose to teach their child. Some parents may feel it is more important to spend time playing football or baking cookies with the kids than having a clean bathroom, but finding the right balance encourages a healthy attitude to housework.

Even if you don't regularly assign household chores to your children, they should be expected to lend a hand whenever asked.

Jean Marcos, a working mum based in Sharjah, says, "I don't want to hear my boys say, 'That's not my job'. When I ask them to remove the bedsheets or put the garbage out, they do it without question."

A chore doesn't have to be about housework and drudgery, it can be any job that helps a busy family.

Leon Hoffman of the Parent Child Center, New York, suggests that "parents need to present a united front, even if they're not in basic agreement on how much kids should be helping out".

Daddy's rules and Mummy's rules can differ so that children know that for example, when mum is cooking, they are expected to clear the table but not when Dad cooks breakfast on Friday morning.

"Children can change their behaviour to accommodate parent's differing styles as long as parents respect each other's differences," says Dr. Nelson.

Chores help kids feel capable and competent

When a five-year-old wipes the table, or washes the car, he can see the results of his efforts. It can be annoying if he drops your freshly laundered clothes all over the floor but that's part of the learning process.

Children should be allowed to make mistakes, make a mess, and then taught to clean up. Unfortunately, we tend to be impatient and in a hurry to get chores done, and so deprive our children of experiencing this feeling of capability, that "I can do it!".

Dr. Onita Nakra has a Ph.D. in Educational Psychology from the University of Minnesota, U.S.A. Her specialisation is in assessment, diagnosis and intervention methods for children with special needs.