Charlie’s story of constant struggle with bottle

Dubai: Charlie was at a point where the only thing that mattered was when and where the next drink was coming from. It all started when he finished school and left India. He began to drink. Then he was drinking more. And more.

Charlie is an alcoholic. And for the past 20 years living in and out of Dubai, his life has been a constant struggle with the bottle.

With booze in his system, there was no stopping him with the physical addiction. The physical symptoms would hit him if passed out too long. Going without it would make his body shake uncontrollably. It made him paranoid and afraid.

If he was awake, he was drinking. When he was asleep, he wasn’t really asleep. Being passed out never gave him any rest — and that’s all the sleep he ever got.

And in his mind, it was a mental obsession. He needed alcohol or else he would become irritable, discontented, and he would snap at anyone because of his short temper. But once he had a drink he became the person he wanted to be — the ego that all alcoholics lust after. Fun, outgoing, and confident.

He worked in middle management positions at small companies in Dubai some ten years throughout the 1990s. By 1999, Charlie went back to India because he ran out of money due to alcohol abuse. But this wasn’t the end of his drinking.

It wasn’t until 2006 that Charlie joined the AA fellowship after being back in Dubai for a year. He was brought to a meeting by a friend who wasn’t an alcoholic.

“My ego wouldn’t admit I needed the help of the fellowship,” Charlie said.

For a long time he felt sure he would be able to kick the illness by himself. But after his first drink, all he could think about was the next drink — and the next. In his mind it was better to have it than not to have it — afraid the cravings would kill him.

But he was inspired by its participants and recognised that he had something in common with them. It was nine months from when he went to his first meeting to when he had his last drink.

“For some, their last drink [happens around] their first meeting but for others it takes many years,” he said.

Charlie described his ability to stay away from drink as a fear. The consequences of a drink have always meant incidents, mishaps, losing things and hurting his image.

He used to be afraid of the impact of not drinking, now he fears what will happen if he does. This is his fear factor.

Charlie still goes to meetings regularly because he believes that’s what it means to be an alcoholic. For him, it is important to remember what being an alcoholic was like — to remain afraid and to remain humble. And to win the daily battle not to drink.

—The writer is an intern at Gulf News