Keep the frightful parts of personal banking at bay

Since moving to the UAE I have never heard so many terrifying financial stories. Rumours and speculation regarding banking in our beloved Emirates can be found creeping up in expat advisory forums, chat sites and circulating around social groups. But as with all fairy tales there is bound to be a basis in the truth, so how do we ensure our financial experiences are more like It's a Wonderful Life and less like Dawn of the Dead?

Butchering the basics: It's not just the complex transactions or detailed requests which you need processed without a hitch, it's the straightforward essentials of banking which are a priority.

Getting the basics right is... well...basic and getting it wrong drives customers mad. So what are the some of these basic essentials which we all want from a bank?

The human element

Making contact with the living: As we become more technologically advanced our interaction with humans is decreasing.

However, research has shown that this is not something which consumers want. We want to know that when you call your bank someone will answer quickly and that person will be a real person who will point you in the right direction.

It's also a good idea to chat regularly with your relationship manager. This person is not the boogie monster and you need to be entirely honest with them helping them give you transparent and fair advice.

Virtual meltdowns: What is the point of having online banking if the site is always down? There are few things more galling than thinking you can organise payment of something online only to find the site isn't working and you have to reorganise your day around a rush trip to the bank.

Protection from penny pinching paranormal: Knowing your money isn't going to leave town without you is an extremely comforting feeling, but sometimes safety and security are not at the top of the banking agenda. Ask your bank if they have a fraud monitoring system and insist on a chip and pin number to reduce the dreadful fright of finding fraud on your account.

Credit card cruelty: Credit cards are great means of accessing extra funds when you need to make a one off purchase or bridge the gap between pay days but remember to read the small print.

Interest rates and the temptation to spend more than you have can lead you down a dark ghoulish path. Ensure that your card limit is realistic; ask yourself if you can really pay the maximum amount off every month.

If you can't, have the limit reduced. Ask for a debit card as well as a credit card — this will better enable you to manage day to day transactions.

Leeching loans: As with credit cards, having access to loans and a wide suite of financing products is important, but be aware of the sneaky small print which may be hiding lots of nasty surprises. Read everything and ask lots of questions.

If you don't look out for the banking grim reaper, the ferocious fee may very well be jumping out to say "BOO" at your front door.

And finally, having somewhere to put your car, broomstick, coffin: Parking is always a source of contention in the UAE.

Driving up to the bank, double parking by leaving your hazard lights on while sprinting in, praying there isn't a queue and hoping the traffic warden doesn't catch you, certainly adds to the drama of banking.

Make sure you can calmly park and preferably don't have to pay for the privilege to do so.

By ensuring your bank is able to commit to these few basics will ensure the financial frights stay away at night. Happy Halloween!

The writer is Head of Personal Banking for Lloyds TSB Middle East. The opinions expressed here are his own and do not necessarily reflect those of Gulf News.