How to prevent a disastrous Valentine’s Day

For a comparatively short month, February is not without vexations. Coming so soon in the calendar year, before you’ve wholly adjusted to the date ending in “14” not “13” – or as I increasingly find myself writing “94” – the month is a little too close to December to be strictly fair.

If you’re reading this early in the month, then consider this information a handy reminder of something else you need to fit into your hectic, alpha-male lifestyle.

If you’re reading this after February 14, it may go some way to reminding you what it was that you forgot, why your domestic dealings are suddenly rather icy and fraught, and indeed why it is that you’re having to sleep on the sofa this week.

There are many classic old standards for Valentine’s Day and you can’t really go wrong by following my suggestions, although, of course, do bear the appended caveats in mind.

Before, after, or indeed instead of your cinema trip, might I urge you to go out for a Romantic Meal. It needn’t break the bank, but if you think a table in Ravi’s or Smiling BKK will suffice, forget it, and note, too, that McDonald’s still refuses to take bookings over the telephone.

You’ll probably want to be in a hotel restaurant, with a nice view of the ocean, or the dancing fountains of Downtown at a pinch, and you’ll be forking out for a three-course meal.

This might not be too tricky, if your other half likes food, and of course you do get the added bonus of a nice meal out in a lovely restaurant yourself too.

Just don’t eat so much that you go into a diabetic coma digesting it all and promptly fall asleep the second you get home. That, too, is considered bad form, as I found out in February 2012 after a frankly wonderful and preposterously massive pizza. I awoke the next morning to find myself alone, still dressed, and indeed lying on the soft and yielding sofa (again).