Choosing your baby-sitter

The safety of 'baby-sitting' entered its most controversial period in the 1990s, when an American couple (both doctors) charged their young, British nanny with criminal negligence, leading to the death of their baby. Several years have passed since, but the case continues to highlight critical issues relating to baby-sitters and daycare – guilt on the part of parents, the dilemma of "to work or not to work", and above all, ensuring childcare services that are reliable and safe.

In the UAE, economics sometimes makes it necessary for both parents to work fulltime, and the question of choosing a baby-sitter is often determined by cost. Leaving a baby or young child with a neighbour is probably the most common form of baby-sitting available in Dubai and the other emirates. "If I spend half my salary on a fancy daycare or nursery, I might as well stay at home," says Roma Vakil, mother of a two-year-old.

Like most middle-class families, Roma leaves her toddler with a friend who charges her a reasonable monthly fee. "I know that Payal is safe; it is convenient and close to my house. My neighbour even picks up my older son from the bus stop and gives him lunch." Convenience and cost are no doubt compelling factors that help us choose a baby-sitter, but other issues should not be overlooked.

It is important to ask oneself how much time the baby-sitter is actually spending with the child. If the child is parked in front of the television all day long, with no trips to the park or play centres, and no exposure to books or educational toys, then you may want to take a second look at the qualifications of the baby-sitter. It helps to discuss the kind of routine you'd like your child to follow in the baby-sitter's home. For example, you could politely say, "I'd be grateful if she doesn't watch more than an hour of television." State your wishes and fears clearly. Discuss discipline, feeding, hygiene, play and safety. Take along some videotapes and books that you think are more suitable for your child.

Many parents feel reluctant to question their baby-sitter because they are so grateful for the service, and feel that they are in no position to place demands on someone who is taking care of their child. However, your child's physical safety and her emotional and social well-being is at stake, so don't hesitate to ask questions. It is important to discuss with your baby-sitter how you discipline your child at home, what methods work, why you don't believe in hitting your child, that you would like her to eat independently and so on.

If your child is allergic to any foods, don't forget to mention these too. Ask about any body bruises you may notice. A quick look around your neighbour's house is needed to assure yourself that there are no exposed electrical wires, plug-points are sealed, and that toys are not so small as to pose a choking hazard. If your baby-sitter is herself a parent, she would know and share your concerns, and not feel threatened by your questions.

One sure sign that you have chosen your baby-sitter well is to watch your child's feelings when you go to pick her up and drop her off. Is she happy? Does she look fearful and edgy? Pay attention to your child's conversation when he returns home, and don't casually dismiss what he says – it's those little comments that really indicate how well he is getting along with your baby-sitter.

If you are lucky enough to have a baby-sitter stay in your home while you are away at work, the same rules of safety and physical well-being should apply. With older children, it's important to establish ground rules of respect, use of language, routines and schedules. You should have confidence that your six-year-old will listen to and follow the instructions given by the baby-sitter, otherwise be prepared for constant interruptions and telephone calls when you are at work.

Be careful not to criticise the caregiver in front of your child, because this will make it harder to establish a relationship of respect. Planning, sensitivity, and honesty on both sides will ensure that your child is safe and you have peace of mind.