Everyone wants a sports star — but what does it cost young athletes? How to stop competition becoming harmful
The desire for agility can slip into rigid food rules, calorie obsession and weight loss
A missed goal, and two 12-year-olds were fighting it out on the field.
One had passed to the other, in the hope that he would score the goal. He fumbled. Had he not, they would have won the match, the former had said in rage. “My son cried for hours later. I had never seen him like that,” recalls a Dubai-based mum who had watched from the sidelines. “He actually did not want to play football for a while, because he was sure that one mistake was some kind of death-knell."
He had five years playing football. He was sure that he was good at it.
But, not good enough, or so he believed.
It’s the brutality of competitive sports. It can be identity and power. And, it can also devolve into harmful pressure. When performance becomes tied to self-worth, the dogged pursuit of excellence can begin to erode mental and physical health rather than strengthen it.
You can read more on our stories of sports, pressure and parents here.
Dr Victoria Mountford, Psychology Lead and Eating Disorder Service Lead at Sage, says one of the most overlooked dangers in sport is how easily identity becomes fused with achievement.
One of the biggest risks emerges when athletes internalise the idea that their value comes from winning or maintaining a certain body type, she notes. “The pressure can come from coaches, peers, parents, or the culture of sport itself. Over time it creates a mental environment where stress is constant, rest feels irresponsible, and mistakes feel like personal failures rather than part of learning.”
And athletes who thrive on structure and achievement can be especially vulnerable, because the very traits that make them successful can also make them susceptible to overtraining, perfectionism, and self-punishment. It's a slow shift that creeps in: Invisible at first, and then the discipline starts to blur into obsession and structure becomes pressure that never really turns off.
The mind becomes a pressure cooker.
A dangerous discipline
There is a well-established link between competitive pressure and eating disorders. As Dr Mountford explains, research does show that athletes who participate in sports that emphasise leanness are at higher risk of developing restrictive eating patterns.
The desire for agility can slip into rigid food rules, calorie obsession and significant loss. “This can develop into clinically significant anorexia, a condition that does not discriminate between recreational athletes and professionals. It is easy to hide disordered eating under the socially accepted narrative of discipline, clean eating, or intense training, which means symptoms are often missed until the physical consequences become hard to ignore,” she says.
For female athletes, the warning signs can be especially misunderstood. The most serious warning sign, is the loss of the menstrual cycle. “Many assume this happens because of hard training, but it is actually a marker that the body no longer has enough fuel to function properly.
This condition, known as functional hypothalamic amenorrhea, is not a badge of elite performance,” explains Dr Mountford. It signals hormonal disruption, depleted energy and an increased risk of bone loss. “If ignored, it can lead to fractures, long term fertility issues, and chronic health complications. Restoring regular nutrition and reducing training load are essential steps, not optional ones.”
The invisible pressure on male athletes
For five years, Dubai-based Rihaan Saran (name changed on request) thought he was too thin to be considered a football player. He could easily be tackled, and countless hours at the gym could not change this. And, he had classmates who would tease him for being too 'skinny'. "They kept asking, 'Why do you still want to play football?' His mother recalls.
They enjoyed tackling him on the field, not quite realising at how it used to chip away at him. "He worked so hard at the gym, to the point that he injured his leg badly," his mother says.
It's taken a year of conversations, but Rihaan still believes that he is not 'muscly' enough to be a football player. But he still wants to play; and the aggression sometimes gets the better of him, as his mother explains. "We're still trying to fight through this."
It's a common mindset, as Dr Mountford adds. A growing issue is muscle dysmorphia, sometimes described as the reverse of anorexia. Instead of seeing themselves as too large, people see themselves as too small or not muscular enough, even when they have well developed physiques. This distorted self-perception pushes athletes into punishing gym routines, restricted eating patterns, and sometimes dangerous supplementation. The psychological toll is exhausting. And no level of muscle pain feels like enough. The pursuit becomes obsessive and overshadows enjoyment.
And it shows up as undereating, overtraining, compulsive body-checking, or unrelenting fear of pressure, explains Dr Mountford. The sport stops being a passion and starts becoming a pressure cooker.
So when that shift happens, recovery often requires more than rest—it requires rethinking identity itself.
Here are the questions they need to ask themselves:
Do they still enjoy it?
Are they eating enough to fuel performance?
Are they resting without guilt?
Do they panic at the idea of missing training?
Has their body image become increasingly rigid?
If the answer is uncomfortable, it may be time to speak to a qualified therapist or sports psychologist.
Helping children handle setbacks
So, how do children build a healthier mindset around competition?
Jazz Ferguson, a professional basketball player and mental performance coach, had earlier explained to us, that the first step is helping children understand that rejection and disappointment are part of every journey.
“First by having empathy with the child. Help them understand that rejection is an aspect of life that we all have to deal with. Then, provide active solutions, show them how being rejected can be used as a valuable lesson to change their approach, build better habits, and understand that success must be earned. While rejection is a harsh reality, it’s also a valuable lesson.”
For parents, the takeaway is simple:
Let children process disappointment, rather than rushing to fix it.
After a loss or setback, the goal is not to erase the feeling but help children learn from it.
“Sports is such an emotional roller coaster. Parents sometimes become more invested than their children and let their own emotions control the dialogue,” says Ferguson. “Disappointment should be seen as an opportunity to develop resilience, it builds character and tests a child’s spirit.”
Focus on effort, learning and sportsmanship and not just results.
Children need to understand that success is not only measured by winning.
“They should be allowed to process the experience and move on. Learning to win or lose graciously, being coachable, and showing good sportsmanship, these are what truly matter.”
Keep the focus age-appropriate.
For younger children, under 10, sport should remain centred around enjoyment, teamwork and participation.
“At that stage, the focus is on activity and teamwork, not competition. Most teams try to include every kid.”
As children grow older, competition naturally becomes part of the experience. Parents can help by explaining that setbacks, selection decisions and competition are part of developing skills, lessons that extend beyond sport and into academic and professional life.
Model the mindset you want children to develop.
Perhaps the most powerful lesson comes from watching how adults respond.
“Your reactions are foundational to your child’s approach. Listen, be present, and don’t carry your child’s disappointment as your own. Always hold space for them — there will be many wins and losses along the journey.”
