Helping girls build self-esteem

The last two decades have witnessed such a passionate response to gender stereotyping that it sounds strange to be actually advocating a theory that says "girls need to be treated differently than boys". Supported by brain research that claims girls and boys are hard-wired in different ways, there is ample reason to believe that parents and educators need to be more cautious and thoughtful in creating an environment that is equally supportive of both boys and girls. Gender equality doesn't mean spouting the rather empty cliché, "I raise my sons and daughters as equals". Instead, we have to address different emotional, social and physical needs of our children, be they sons or daughters, so that equal opportunities are created for them.

Schools need to create a learning environment that supports the unique behaviour and learning styles of girls. For example, studies have shown that girls rate their self-esteem lower than boys, which leaves a mark on their behaviour. A girl who thinks she is not good in maths or science will not choose that subject for college. Carol Gilligan, a Harvard-based expert, points out in her book, "In a Different Voice", that this reduced self-esteem gradually leads to "a loss of voice" by the time girls reach adolescence.

Gilligan's research documents how girls grow up from a very young age not able to say no to their friends, parents and teachers. In many families, they are never asked for their opinion; they are simply not heard. "Dad and Mum always ask Danny where he wants to eat, they never ask me," says ten-year-old Chelsea, a UAE resident. "I have to do what he wants, and they say it's because he's younger than me."

Gilligan's research is fascinating because it opens a window into how girls think and feel, and demonstrates how their emotional and moral development is shaped in rather different ways from boys. For example, Gilligan suggests that girls follow a moral code based on 'caring or connectedness' (girls would lie to their teacher than hurt a friend's feelings), whereas boys base their moral code on justice. According to Gilligan, rules in school (and in society) are based on justice. This often results in girls being punished for their moral beliefs or actions.

In her book, How Girls Thrive, Dr. Jo Ann Deak discusses how teachers (and parents) need to foster the development of 'strong' girls who otherwise may be shortchanged during their school and college years. Deak points out that the performance of girls in school is affected by their emotions much more than boys. A male physics teacher found that when boys came to him for help, they wanted to solve the problem and get on with the work. Girls, however, wanted to discuss how they were feeling about their grades, and wanted reassurance from their teacher.

Most experts now support the view that 'all-girls' schools are far more positive for girls. Girls in all-female classes get better grades, learn more, are more positive about the learning situation, have higher-self esteem and more often move on to advanced courses than girls in regular co-educational situations. Reports from schools which have opted for an all-girls classroom within a co-educational school have reported that "girls have started asking more questions; the classroom atmosphere is more productive; girls are aggressively measuring, problem-solving, and becoming divergent thinkers."

By contrast, in co-educational settings, girls compared with boys are:
• five times less likely to receive the most attention from teachers
• three times less likely to be praised
• three times less talkative in class
• half as likely to demand help or attention
• half as likely to be called on in class

Why does this happen? Though there is no definite answer, it's possible that both external and internal constraints operate on girls. It could be that boys talk more, are louder, and make fun of girls' responses.

Catherine Krupnick of Harvard University suggests how one simple strategy of giving equal "air time" to boys and girls can create a healthier classroom climate. She advises:
* wait five seconds before allowing anyone to answer a question
* give each student three chips to "spend" during a class - everyone has to talk three times - no more, no less
* arrange the seating so that all of the talkers are not sitting together
* take turns literally - a boy answers, then a girl, and so on.