Maldives: picture-perfect tropical paradise

The cries rang out, plaintive and desperate, in the hot rainforest air: “I’m NOT going. You can’t make me!”

In a soundscape of cicadas, birdsong and gently lapping waves, this rare note of discord sizzled into the atmosphere like the steaming droplets of a recent rain shower.

“Come on darling, it’s not that bad. It’s meant to be a nice thing.”

“No! I can’t do it. I WON’T do it… Oh, do I really have to do it?”

As much as it might sound like a dispute between mother and toddler, that’s an actual conversation I had with my husband as I tried to convince him to join me for a couple’s massage during our holiday at the Viceroy Hotel Maldives on Shaviyani Atoll. About as far from a metrosexual as you can get, my husband had never stepped foot in a spa before in his life, and had no intention of ever doing so. Until I’d had the bright idea of booking a treatment for two, that is. But what I’d envisaged as a romantic couple’s pampering session was turning into an increasingly juvenile battle of wills...

Naturally, I won in the end. The next thing he knew, we were both swathed in fluffy dressing gowns, sipping ginger tea and appreciating the picture-perfect view from the wooden water villa treatment room. Teetering on stilts in the middle of the Indian Ocean, the villa’s open French windows gave us an uninterrupted panorama of the swirling turquoise water beneath us, the sugary white sand of the island’s sweeping beach and the shimmering sapphire sea in the distance. It’s almost impossible not to speak in clichés when describing the beauty of the Maldives – everything is so much like the Disneyfied version of an ‘island paradise’ that it’s hard to believe your corneas haven’t somehow been computer-enhanced by a maverick Hollywood director.

Disney flashed into my head once again as I took a sideways glance at my husband – so utterly out of his comfort zone as the spa therapists soaked and scrubbed our feet in scented water, for a surreal second I was reminded of the tutu-clad ballerina hippos in Fantasia.

On the surface, it couldn’t have been more perfect. A light breeze whispered through the room, the waves were lapping in a restful rhythm between the stilts of the villa and the sun was at that perfect afternoon slant that turns water into dancing molten glitter – but I could tell from the stern set of my husband’s chin that he was still determined to treat this whole experience as some kind of ordeal.

And then, all of a sudden, I saw his eyes light up. Outside, almost within touching distance, a pod of dolphins was streaking through the water. Six, seven, eight sleek dark fins carved through the ocean, just metres away from where we were sitting. The stillness and the eerie proximity of these majestic wild creatures made for a magical moment that even those who roll their eyes at Hollywood blockbusters (this is when the soundtrack’s rousing crescendo would be, by the way) couldn’t deny. My husband turned to look at me and his face finally cracked a smile. Perhaps this wasn’t going to be so bad after all.

Having remained an independent polity throughout most of its history, the Maldives has escaped the poignant colonial past that haunts many other island destinations such as the Caribbean, and has long profited from its natural resources – back in the second century the Arabs knew the Maldives as the ‘money isles’ because of the wealth of cowry shells to be found on its beaches, which were an international currency of the early ages.

But with so many islands to decide between – ranging from the glitzy and nightlife-rich to the quiet escape-from-it-all – it’s important to choose your resort wisely.

We’d opted for the secluded variety in selecting the Viceroy Maldives on the island of Vagaru, which lies 192km from Male, in the Shaviyani Atoll on the Maldives’ unchartered northern edge.

While the Viceroy is one of the further-away resorts, it makes for an unparalleled sense of remoteness, and our 50-minute seaplane ride from the capital gave an unmissable sense of context as we glided over constellations of islands before splashing down by the Viceroy’s 17-acre stretch of palm trees and pristine sand encircling a twinkling turquoise lagoon.

The Maldives has a tropical climate that remains about 30 degrees all year round but also sees frequent-yet-short-lived rain showers, and the villas’ luxurious interiors – created using rustic and natural materials to resemble the hull of an inverted Maldivian dhoni (traditional fishing boat) and featuring free Wi-Fi and a mammoth TV system that boasts a plethora of international channels and movies – comes into its own when the clouds decide to gather.

However, we spent the majority of our time outside, exploring the island’s beaches and keeping an eye out for sea turtles and manta rays, feeding the harmless reef sharks that cluster in the shore surrounding one area of the resort, languishing in the central infinity pool and our plunge pool, or lazing on sunloungers with a book, watching large fruit bats flit in and out of the trees.

While seclusion is all good and well, something many potential visitors to the Maldives worry about is getting bored. We didn’t get anywhere near it, although admittedly we only stayed for two nights, but with the many activities on offer – from snorkelling and diving trips to deep-sea fishing, visits to villages on nearby islands, catamaran sailing lessons, dawn and sunset yoga and free kayak and boat hire – there’s more than enough to keep even the most active people occupied. There’s also the gym – a prime place for dolphin-spotting in the morning – the Ayurvedic spa and its vast list of treatments (as my poor husband found out), an all-day kids’ club for little ones, and the resort’s five first-class restaurants.

A picture-perfect evening in picture-perfect surroundings, the Maldives is a destination to cast all cynicism aside and melt into the simple island lifestyle. But with climate change an ever-present spectre on the horizon, it’s also a destination to get to soon – before the romcom becomes a disaster movie.