Being your child's best friend sounds perfect—but is it what they really need? How to strike the right balance

Parents and children? Best friends? Is that even possible?

Yes it is, but the real question is, is it advisable. Unfortunately, the answer isn’t so simple either.

Sometimes, it just puts further strain on the relationship, as Dubai-based Mishti (name changed on request), an 18-year-old teenager recalls. Her mother is determined to be ‘best friends’ with her, and this involves constantly joining Mishti and her friends when they come home. “I don’t call my friends anymore,” says Mishti. “It just makes me feel very uncomfortable, because not only does she want to be around my friends, she keeps venting to me about her problems, which are really intense and I don’t know how to handle it.”

The boundaries become blurred, in the effort to connect with a child. Some parents have mastered the art of being involved—just enough to stay close, without pushing their child away. It’s like walking on thin ice—one wrong step, and you’re struggling to regain balance. Sometimes, one wrong step can land you in cold water, and you must just find your way out again, as some parents agree.

So, what’s the secret? How can you be your child’s ‘best friend’ without losing the role of a parent?

The parent-teen tightrope

For starters, what does it mean to be a parent?

It means someone you can look to, for guidance, support and yes, comfort too, explains Dubai-based Aria Shaw, a 17-year-old. “I ask my parents for advice, and we discuss it, even if it doesn’t mean that I always agree. But I enjoy having that space, where we can just talk about things that mean something to us, and together, how to approach a problem,” she says.

It doesn’t have to be ‘either or’. It just means finding the balance.

As Rebecca Carter, a Dubai-based counsellor from LightHouse Arabia explains, that parents can still maintain authority and qualities of a friendship, while balancing the role of a leader and supportive figure. “This requires parents to set and uphold important boundaries, expectations and rules, authority, while being emotionally available, empathic and approachable as a friend,” she says.

It’s important for the child to understand that authority is not compromised by friendship, and that some decisions are made for their well-being, even if they don't always agree with them. “The goal is for parents to offer guidance rooted in their authority, experience and wisdom, whilst being a trusted and supportive figure in their child’s life,” she says.

It’s about being open, communicative about what’s expected within the parent-child roles and a relationship. You create a safe environment, and lead by example.  According to  Carter, teens thrive when parents strike a balance—offering guidance without being controlling, staying present without invading privacy, and setting rules with room for flexibility. While peer friendships are built on shared interests, humor, and a sense of adventure, parental relationships serve a different role: offering emotional security, structure, and unconditional support. Teens may seek connection and understanding from their peers, but they still look to their parents for safety, wisdom, and stability.

The sweet spot between love and limits

Abu Dhabi-based single mum Gia Hill (name changed on request) was determined to be her son’s best friend, after her husband passed away several years ago. “Not only did I give him everything that he wanted; I just made sure that we were close friends, who could talk to each other the way we liked, about anything that we wanted.”

This does sound ideal on paper. However, practicality can be something different. “I was so relaxed with him, out of fear of putting much pressure on him, that he took the liberty to be rude to me during his teenage years, ignore whatever I was saying, even if I was saying it for his own good, regarding safety,” she says.

And so she was treated as just a friend. “We’re better now, but he’s 20 now and doesn’t really listen to anything I say,” recalls Hill.

What teenagers really need from parents

It’s a painful experience, and unfortunately, life doesn’t give us the liberty of do-overs. As Hill and Carter explain, when you emphasise so much on friendship, the lines between being a parent and a peer are fused together. “There’s a difficulty in enforcing household structures and emotional boundaries,” explains Carter. Furthermore, parents who try to be ‘too friendly’ with their teenagers, may create inner anxieties caused by a lack of stability, clarity of roles and emotional enmeshment.

Teenagers rely on parents to provide a sense of containment and set rules within the family, so that they feel safe to go out into the world and explore their own individual identity. Whilst its valuable for parents to be open and involved in their teenager’s life, it’s important not to overly identify or become enmeshed so that teenagers can connect with their individual experiences, thoughts and feelings. Too much friendliness may cause teenagers to seek more neutral or objective advice from friends, teachers or counsellors.

As a result, the teenager finds it challenging to learn the important social norms and values, as well as feel safe when going out into the world, to learn about who they are and what is right.

Too much sharing, too little space

Moreover, Carter also warns against oversharing with teenagers: These years involve the crucial process of forming one’s social connections, identity and own understanding of the world. Parents who overshare with teenagers may not only make it hard for teenagers to individuate, an important psychological process of forming one’s own identity, but also can burden them with worries and feelings of responsibility that do not belong to them. Teenagers can then experience feelings of guilt, anxiety and conflict around immersing in their own life and being concerned with their parent’s own struggles.

Fostering an open, trusting relationship without confusing roles

Educational psychologist Esra Uzsayilir from Connect Psychology, Dubai, explains that teens thrive under authoritative parenting—where warmth meets structure. Unlike authoritarian (strict) or permissive (lenient) styles, authoritative parents set clear expectations while offering emotional support. Though most parents show a mix of traits, research shows consistency, warmth, and boundaries are key to better emotional and academic outcomes.

Teens need parents to be a secure base—not buddies. As they push for independence, overly ‘friendly’ parenting or emotional oversharing can confuse roles and increase anxiety. What teens value most? Parents who are present, who listen, and who guide—not ones who try to be peers. “You can be both respected and relatable; although teens may roll their eyes and seem to challenge every rule, deep down, they will feel safest when parents offer emotional availability and clear roles, even when navigating tough emotions or boundaries,” she says.

Here are tips, explained by the psychologists: